Two women were born in 1933. One in France. One in America.

The woman born in France was Jewish. Her name was Francine.

The American girl was born in a small town in West Virginia. She was a second-generation Cherokee. Her name was Peggy.

They came from different parts of the world and would face very different challenges. What they shared was coming into the world in the year Hitler came into power. That became part of both of their stories.

By the time Francine was eight years old, her father had been taken into custody as a prisoner of war. She had to wear the yellow star on her chest, marking her as Jewish. She and her mother were eventually taken to the Bergen-Belsen camp in Germany. Francine’s mother took two small pieces of chocolate with her, knowing there would be hard days ahead. She told her daughter she would save them for when they grew weak and needed strength. The chocolate would help get them through.

When another woman gave birth in the camp, Francine’s mother asked her if she thought they should give their chocolate to the struggling woman to help her have the strength to survive the birth. Francine didn’t hesitate and readily agreed. Despite dire conditions, both mother and child survived.

Six months later, British troops rescued them, and the camp was liberated. Francine and her mother were able to return to France, as did the other mother and child.

Life moved on from those dark days for all of them. Francine went on to write books and poetry and give lectures about her time in the camps. And give birth to her own daughter.

Many years later, when she was in her 80s, her daughter asked if she thought it would have helped her and the others freed from the camps if they had been given access to psychiatrists. She said she couldn’t say, mental health wasn’t something they even spoke of then. It was about survival. But that question inspired her to put together a symposium on the subject.

When one of the psychiatrists who had come to speak took her place at the podium, she began by saying she had a special gift for Francine and took out a piece of chocolate. She smiled warmly at Francine and said, “I’m the baby.”

Can you imagine the depth of feeling as the two women meet again after all those years? 

We don’t often get to see what comes from those moments of sacrifice. I found it very moving that they had a second divine appointment to meet. Somehow, you begin to understand from that moment that Francine and her mother gave so much more than a piece of chocolate.

The power of story always remains.

Listen to her tell her story in her own voice and words

Going back to our young girl growing up in West Virginia, her life took on a very different shape because of the war as well. Her mother worked as a tailor, making uniforms for soldiers fighting in Europe, to save those like Francine and her mother. Other friends and family lost loved ones who wore those uniforms. Their sacrifices were different. None compared to what Francine and her family experienced. But that time shaped everyone who lived through it.

That girl grew up, married a Marine, and moved to Ohio, where, in 1955, she gave birth to her first child, a daughter. Me.

I knew that my grandmother’s life had been changed by that war, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that my mother’s life began during that time. When I first heard Francine speak, I realized that they were contemporaries. The children also have their own stories to tell.

Listening to Francine talk about her conversation with her daughter, I thought of my own conversations with my mother.

I remember a telephone conversation with my Mom one summer, when I lived with my great-aunt and uncle in downtown Cleveland. My great aunt was recovering from heart surgery, and they needed help. On our call, I lamented missing home and my freedom. My mother reminded me that I wasn’t there for me.

She said I was born to fulfill a purpose, and that opportunities to make a difference would come throughout my life. They would never be a burden in the end, but a gift. It was the genesis of my understanding of having a purpose in the world and in my life. And the joy that would bring. She prophesied that into and over my life many times. She also modeled that in her own life. I have never forgotten it.

I find myself yearning again for conversations about her life with questions I never thought to ask. But still, I am comforted by the conversations we did have and my memories of her.

Thinking about both of these women, born in 1933, I’m reminded that no matter what our circumstances may be at any given time in our lives, we all have something to give. We are all called to give of ourselves, even to sacrifice at times. And, it is always a gift for us to have that opportunity.

It’s an important reminder and question to ask of ourselves with every encounter. How can I best serve in this moment?

The post The stories of two women born in 1933 appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can guide us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to ask questions that are relevant to where we are and what we need at any juncture, we have been reviewing five FAQs domains.

We move now to our final domain, Growth & Legacy.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Growth & Legacy

Some time ago, I wrote an article that has stayed with me. In fact, it’s one of my favorite pieces of my own writing if I’m allowed to admit that! The title of that message was this: Do Recipes Make You a Better Cook? 
 
As I was thinking about writing this final chapter of our FAQ series, I realized that while we’re discussing a specific domain, we’re also covering everything we’ve been reviewing together, because these FAQs culminate in two very specific outcomes. Growth and Legacy. They are stretching us, and in doing that, they are helping us leave our mark.
 
In that article, I shared the story of Chef Daniel Patterson. But the first question wasn’t about recipes. It was about GPS guidance systems. You see, Chef Patterson had gotten a new car, and it came with the then-default feature of GPS and navigation assistance. Initially, he resisted using it.
 
Then the day came when he decided to go ahead and take advantage of the technology. Before long, he recognized, like many of us, he had become dependent on it. Even when he went to places he frequented, he found himself relying on it. He was blindly following directions with no notice of his surroundings or where he was going.
 
When he realized what was happening, it startled him, and he began asking himself where else in life he (we) might be doing the same thing. Since he’s a chef, he naturally looked first at his world. Hence, the next question is whether recipes make us better cooks.
 
In fact, he himself wrote an entire article about it. It’s an excellent piece, and I encourage you to read it.

These words from that article were what inspired my own and brought it back to mind for this week’s message and wrapping up our series:
 
“Part of the problem with recipes today is that they seem to be predicated on the idea that a good recipe should eliminate the possibility of mistakes. But here’s a secret: Good cooks make mistakes all the time. They take wrong turns and end up in strange places. Their attention sharpens as they try to figure out where they are and how they got there. Eventually, they either reach their original destination or discover that wherever they stumbled into is really the best place to be. Sometimes it’s important to get lost.” 

Here’s what I wrote in my essay:
 
We are faced every day with “recipes.” Use these methods, these tools. Take each step in this order. Make sure you don’t substitute anything. In other words, if you want it to work, don’t change anything. In life and our work, I’m sure you recognize and hear the message as much as I do.

But what if that’s not right? What if the best result comes from using the recipe as a starting point rather than a rulebook? What if we start experimenting and venturing forward as creators and find our own results? That has far more appeal for me.
 
I want to encourage you to see the concept of FAQs or any guidance questions in this way. They are not meant to be prescriptive. They are meant, in fact, to help you get a little lost so that you can, in turn, find your way. They are simply a starting point. Experiment with them and venture out as the creator of your own, over and over again.
 
Remember that growth and legacy are the culmination of everything we’ve been exploring together. Identity, work, decisions, and rhythm set the stage, but growth is what keeps it alive, and legacy is what ensures it outlives us.

Why It Matters

Without growth and legacy, our questions risk being self-contained. Useful perhaps, but limited. When we add this domain, we stretch our perspective forward and outward. We begin to see that what we learn, contribute, and embody is not only for ourselves, but also for those who come after us.
 
This domain asks us to think about continuity.
 
What carries forward because we were here?

What are we making possible?

What to Look For

You’ll know it’s time to pay attention to this domain when: 

• Old answers start to feel too small for who you’re becoming.
• Others have started asking you for guidance, wisdom, or stories from your own journey.
• You’re unsure whether you are investing your time and energy in things that will last beyond your life or even this season.
• You begin to see traces of your influence showing up in the work, words, or choices of others.
• You want to shift your focus from what you’re achieving to the idea of impact.

Growth and Legacy FAQs

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state. Only choose those that resonate with you for the season you are in.

Here are a few starting points for the domain of Growth & Legacy: 

• What can I be learning now that future-me will thank me for?
• How can I grow in ways that expand what’s possible for others?
• What do I want to grow with me, and what do I want to grow beyond me?
• How can I be intentional about the influence my choices create?
• How can I define and live my legacy right now through achievement, relationships, values, or something else?
• What stories can I be shaping today that reflect the life I want to live?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions? 

• When your questions stir both hope and responsibility.
• When they anchor you in today while opening a window to tomorrow.
• When they shift your thinking from “what’s in it for me?” to “what’s possible because of me?”

Which brings us back to where we started. Do recipes make you a better cook? Not on their own. But they give you a starting point, a structure, a spark. The same is true here.

And that’s the point. It was never just about the questions. It’s about what they guide you to see, to choose, and to create.
 
Here’s one final thought from Chef Patterson to help:
 
“Cookbooks should teach us how to cook, not just follow instructions. By paying attention, a cook should be able to internalize the process, rendering the written recipes obsolete. The point of a recipe should be to help us find our own way.” 

Read the recipe (FAQ). Learn from it. Then close the book. Create your masterpiece in cooking and in life.
 
Why? Because your FAQs are not meant to stay on the page. They’re meant to guide your next steps.

This Week’s Additional Resources:

• The Second Mountain by David Brooks
• David Whyte’s poem “What to Remember When Waking”
• Holy Moments by Matthew Kelly
• The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly
• Adjusted Sails: What Does This Make Possible by Kathi Laughman (Included with Kindle Unlimited)

The post FAQ Series: Growth & Legacy – What will you make possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the fourth installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we are exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we are looking at five different FAQs domains.

We have covered the first three domains and are moving on to Integration and Rhythm.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Integration & Rhythm

When you live your life
in harmony with your purpose,
there is no conflict or dissonance,
only clarity and direction.
~Kathi Laughman

This week’s topic is one of my favorites because I have spent much of my professional life focused on how to use effective integration to create bridges. Whether it has been between various groups, companies, trading partners, software solutions, or even entire industries, effective integration has been, for me, the ultimate playground for innovation.

Whether we are talking about our life, our work, or any of our roles, it isn’t about balancing competing silos. Like a beautiful tapestry, integration is about weaving things together. Then the rhythm is the tempo. It’s how your commitments, values, and energy flow together without forcing harmony where it doesn’t exist.

But even more than those silos, it’s key to know that integration isn’t about smashing all the pieces of a disparate group into one tidy puzzle. It’s more like jazz. Each instrument (your roles, goals, commitments, values) has its own sound, but the music only works when they listen to one another.

Rhythm provides the tempo, the pacing, the groove that keeps the music going.

Integration is about coherence; rhythm is about sustainability.

The most important thing I look for in a musician
is whether he knows how to listen.
~ Duke Ellington

Why It Matters

When we live without integration, life sounds more like competing noise than music. When we live without rhythm, even good things wear us down because we’re out of tempo. Together, integration and rhythm help us create a life that works in harmony, not because everything is easy, but because everything fits.

Without rhythm, even integrated priorities collapse under exhaustion. Integration ensures alignment, while rhythm ensures longevity.

What to Look For

• Are your priorities creating harmony or dissonance?
• Do your commitments flow together, or do they compete?
• Is your pace sustainable, or are you sprinting through a marathon?
• Do you have natural “rests” built in, like pauses in a song, that make the music stronger?
• Is your calendar consistent with your deeper story?

It’s taken me all my life to learn what not to play.
~Dizzy Gillespie

Integration and Rhythm FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state. Only choose those that resonate with you for the season you are in.

• What daily or weekly rhythms help me feel most alive and support my best work?
• What would integration look like if I treated my life less like a checklist and more like a composition? (My personal favorite!)
• What is the integration I’ve been resisting?
• Where do I need to slow down or speed up to restore balance?
• Where in my life do I feel most “out of tune,” and what would bring it back into harmony?
• How can I create natural pauses or “rests” in my schedule that strengthen the overall flow?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?  

• The noise starts to quiet.
• You begin to notice less friction and more flow.
• You no longer feel like you’re juggling parts.
• Instead, you feel like you’re directing an ensemble.
• There’s a sense of coherence between what you want and what you’re doing.
• Your calendar feels like an ally instead of an enemy.

Integration and rhythm aren’t about perfect balance. They are essentially about freedom. Like jazz, the beauty isn’t in playing every note, but in choosing the right ones, and leaving space where silence belongs.

When your life begins to sound more like music than noise, you know you’ve found your rhythm. And from that rhythm, possibility opens. Not because you control every beat, but because you trust yourself enough to improvise.

And, by the way, here’s the best part: when you find your rhythm, you make space for others to join in. The music grows, the themes expand, and what you’ve created becomes more than a moment. It becomes a legacy. That’s where we’re headed next: Growth & Legacy.

This Week’s Additional Resources:

Note: This domain’s resources are a reading list I’ve put together for you because so many of you have said this is an area where you face the greatest resistance.

The idea, even fear, of doing less to accomplish more is so foreign to us that it’s no wonder we push back on that harder than anything. Each of these books speaks to something in that ongoing riff we have going with ourselves.

Check them out and then choose the one that makes the back of your neck tingle a bit. It’s likely the one you most need to read next. 

• The Art of Possibility — Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander

Blends the perspectives of a symphony conductor and a psychotherapist to show how possibility thinking reshapes how we work, create, and live. A beautiful reminder that life, like music, expands when we choose to see what’s possible.

• Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less — Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

Challenges the myth that harder work equals better results. Pang draws on science and stories from great thinkers (from Darwin to Stephen King) to show why deliberate rest fuels creativity and productivity.

• The Infinite Game – Simon Sinek

Finite games, like football or chess, have known players, fixed rules, and a clear endpoint. The winners and losers are easily identified. Infinite games, games with no finish line, like business or politics, or life itself, have players who come and go. (Think of a symphony vs. a jazz trio).  Simon Sinek offers a framework for leading (and living) with a commitment to a vision of a future world so appealing that we will build it week after week, month after month, year after year, even though we do not know the exact form this world will take. 

• Slow Productivity – Cal Newport

Drawing from deep research on the habits and mindsets of a varied cast of storied thinkers from Galileo and Isaac Newton to Jane Austen and Georgia O’Keeffe, Newport lays out the key principles of “slow productivity,” a more sustainable alternative to the aimless overwhelm that defines our current moment.

• Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and total involvement with life. Csikszentmihalyi demonstrates the ways this positive state can be controlled, not just left to chance, so that we can discover true happiness, unlock our potential, and greatly improve the quality of our lives.

• Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives – Richard A. Swenson

Margin is the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits. Today, most of our lives are marginless as we battle overwhelm, burnout, and hurry. But there is a path to the life of balance and peace we crave. The benefits can be good health, financial stability, fulfilling relationships, and availability for your divine purpose.

• Elastic Habits: How to Create Smarter Habits That Adapt to Your Day – Stephen Guise

No two days are the same. By making your habits elastic, you can adapt to conquer every unique day of your life. The ultimate improv approach! Elastic habits give you an answer for every situation. Any dread or sense of monotony you’ve felt about forming habits will disappear, because this system is dynamic and exciting.

The post FAQ Series: Integration & Rhythm-Bringing Possibilities to Life appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the third installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can serve as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help us based on our current situation and needs at any juncture, we are examining five different FAQ domains.

We’ve now covered the first two, and we’re moving on to Decision-Making & Direction this week.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Decision Making & Direction

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. ~Tony Robbins

When I went back to college in my 50s, it wasn’t because I suddenly had spare time. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to the mix was going to be a challenge without question.

What pushed me wasn’t ambition for its own sake, but frustration and the realization that I was passing up many opportunities simply because I didn’t have a degree. I decided to stop complaining about it and act.

My field of study this time around was Organizational Psychology, and one of my first classes was Effective Decision-Making. I thought it would be an easy filler. After all, I had many years of decisions already under my belt by this time. But it turned out to be one of the most transformative courses I’ve ever taken.

It changed how I thought about decisions, not just as choices but as turning points that could open new paths. I recognized their critical link to creating and honoring direction. That class and season of life became one of my favorites because I could feel how each decision was shaping the future in real time.

Why it Matters

Every decision shapes our story, whether by action or by delay. But not all decisions are equal, and without a framework, we risk drifting or reacting instead of choosing with intention.

But the framework doesn’t just mean drawing a line on a piece of paper and listing pros and cons. Not a bad exercise at times, but I’m talking about something more.

The framework that has served me has four parts or pillars.

• Clarity of Direction: Without a sense of where you’re headed, every option can feel equally urgent or equally confusing. Clarity doesn’t mean you know every detail of the future; it means you’ve chosen a general heading. When you name your desired direction, it becomes much easier to recognize whether a decision moves you closer or pulls you off course. 

Before weighing the details of any choice, pause and ask: What am I ultimately working toward?  Naming the direction helps you evaluate whether the choice is a step forward or a detour.

• Courage: Most of the decisions that shape our lives are not comfortable ones. They require stepping into uncertainty, risking rejection, or facing failure. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to choose in spite of it. When we hesitate too long, the decision often gets made for us by default, and that is rarely the choice we would have made with intention. 

This means we need to call our hesitation into question. Ask yourself: Am I avoiding this choice because it challenges me, or because it’s truly unwise? Comfort-driven decisions often seem easier at the time but can lead to regret later.

• Consequence: Every yes is also a no. Decisions always carry trade-offs, whether in time, money, energy, or opportunity. Too often, we look only at what we gain from a choice, not what it will cost us. Considering consequences doesn’t mean we never take risks; it means we take them with our eyes open. 

When facing a decision, consider all the potential outcomes and risks. When we weigh both sides honestly, we take ownership of our choices rather than feel blindsided by them later.

• Alignment: A decision that looks good on paper can still be wrong if it doesn’t align with your deeper values and long-term story. Alignment asks: Does this choice fit who I want to be and what I want my life to stand for? It also asks if this decision is in alignment with all of the other priorities you are working from in any given season. When decisions are aligned, they may still be difficult, but they carry a sense of integrity and peace that sustains us through the challenges.

Always view decisions through the lens of your future self. Does this decision help you build the kind of life or work you want to be known for? Or does it compromise something you know matters deeply to you? Alignment ensures that progress isn’t just movement, it’s movement in the right direction.

What to Look For 

• Replaying the same choice over and over without resolution.
• Waiting so long to decide that circumstances decide for you.
• Saying yes automatically and only realizing later what you’ve said no to.
• Second-guessing yourself after every choice instead of moving forward with it.
• Choosing what feels comfortable now but leaves you stuck later.
• Avoiding opportunities because you’re afraid of getting it “wrong.”

The two biggest barriers to good decision-making
are your ego and your blind spots.
Together, they make it difficult for you to
objectively see what is true about you and
your circumstances and to
make the best possible decisions.
 
~ Ray Dalio

Decision-Making and Direction FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state.

This week, we’re focused on the four pillars. Together, they invite us to consider these questions: 

• Am I clear on where I’m going?
• Am I willing to choose courage over comfort?
• Am I being honest about the trade-offs?
• Am I aligned with my deeper story?

When those four are in place, you can step forward with confidence even if the outcome isn’t guaranteed because you’ve made the best decision available to you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?

• They move you from confusion to clarity.
• They help you recognize both opportunity and consequence.
• They create momentum, and you can sense the next step more clearly.
• They invite courage, not just comfort.
• They connect today’s choices to tomorrow’s story.

In the long run, we shape our lives,
and we shape ourselves.
The process never ends until we die.
And the choices we make
are ultimately our own responsibility.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

When I look back at my decision to return to college, I can see now how it rested on all four pillars of strong decision-making. At the time, I didn’t have this language for it, but I was living it.

• Clarity of Direction: I knew exactly why I was going back. I was tired of being passed over or holding myself back because I didn’t have a degree. My direction was clear: I wanted to create new opportunities by removing that barrier.
• Courage: The choice wasn’t convenient. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to my plate. It would have been easier to stay where I was. Choosing school required courage to step into the unknown and believe I could carry the load.
• Consequence: I understood there would be costs. Time, energy, money, and countless late nights were all real trade-offs. But I also saw that the greater cost would be doing nothing and remaining stuck where I was.
• Alignment: At the heart of it, going back to school aligned with who I wanted to be. Growth, resilience, and possibility had always been part of my story. This choice honored those values and set an example I hoped my daughter would carry forward in her own life, and she has.

That decision didn’t just earn me a degree. It changed how I saw myself and how I shaped my future. It confirmed what I now believe with certainty: We really are always just one decision away from a different direction.

Remember that decisions are where true possibility begins.

Of course, decisions don’t stand alone. Once we’ve chosen a direction, the real test is weaving those choices into the rhythms of our daily lives and ensuring they integrate with the bigger picture.

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books):
 
Thinking in Bets — Annie Duke
Principles — Ray Dalio
The Road to Character — David Brooks
Right Thing, Right Now – Ryan Holiday
The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness – James Altucher and Claudia Altucher

The post FAQ Series: Decision-Making & Direction – What Do I Want To Be Possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the second installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we are exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Domain: Work and Contribution

“What you do makes a difference,
and you have to decide
what kind of difference
you want to make.”
~ Jane Goodall

We often define ourselves by what we do. The title in our email signature. The headline on our LinkedIn profile. The responsibilities we list on a résumé.

But here’s the truth: The real question isn’t what you do. It’s what disappears if you don’t.

What difference does your work really make?

Work is how we spend our hours. Contribution is the imprint those hours leave behind. Sometimes they align beautifully. Other times, we stay busy but wonder why it feels hollow. We produce, but don’t necessarily contribute.

Contribution doesn’t always come from a job. It also shows up when you mentor, create, volunteer, parent, or simply show up for someone. What matters isn’t where it happens, but whether it carries meaning and whether it sparks something only you can spark.

That spark is the key. Like a single flame in a box of unlit matches, your work matters most where it ignites something no one else could.

This domain is about strategy: the discipline of continually reviewing what you’re doing and the difference it’s making. Because what mattered yesterday might not matter today. And just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean it deserves your best energy.

When your work and your contribution align, possibilities expand, not only for you, but for everyone touched by what you do.

“Far and away the best prize that life offers
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Why It Matters

• Work without contribution is hollow. It may keep you busy, but it doesn’t move anything forward.
• Contribution without strategy is fragile. Good intentions can burn you out if they’re not aligned with sustainable effort.
• Continuous review is essential. Work and contribution are dynamic. What was once your best expression may now need to evolve.

What to Look For

• Places where your work grows, but your impact doesn’t.
• Signs that your contribution is more visible to others than to you.
• Efforts that drain you but don’t create a meaningful or lasting difference.
• Spaces where your contribution creates ripples far beyond the immediate outcome.

Work and Contribution FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge. Choose only those that speak to you now. 

• Where does my contribution align most clearly with what I say I value, and where does it conflict?
• What question would never get asked in the room if I weren’t there to ask it?
• If I measured my work by ripple effect instead of output, how would the scoreboard change?
• What part of my contribution is invisible but essential?
• If my work stopped tomorrow, who or what would notice first, and who wouldn’t notice at all?
• What doesn’t happen if I don’t show up, and what new possibility appears because I do?
• What am I protecting that no longer needs me, and what am I neglecting that only I can protect?
• When does my contribution create possibilities for others, and when might it unintentionally get in their way?
• Am I building something that outlives me, or am I simply exchanging hours for results?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?

• You start measuring your work by impact, not output.
• You can name contributions that are uniquely yours and protect space for them.
• You begin pruning and letting go of work that looks good but doesn’t really matter.
• You notice ripple effects from the difference your contribution makes in other people’s ability to contribute. 

“Plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit.”
~Nelson Henderson

This Week’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

Books

• Pam Slim – Body of Work → frames your life’s contributions as a portfolio, not just jobs.
• Simon Sinek – The Infinite Game → reframes contribution as a long game, not a quick win.
• Michael Bungay Stanier – How to Begin → practical guidance for choosing and pursuing what matters.
• David Brooks – The Second Mountain → explores the shift from success-driven work to contribution-driven life.

Assessments & Strategy Tools

• Jonathan Fields – Sparked (book) Sparketype (assessment) → a practical tool for identifying the kind of work that sparks you, especially if you’re unsure what contribution is uniquely yours.
• SkillFlow (discovery tool) → a method for reviewing how your skills flow into contributions, surfacing what only you can give, aligned with identity and impact. (This link is to the message on this tool I developed. If you are interested in knowing more, just let me know.)

Talks

• Simon Sinek – How Great Leaders Inspire Action → His signature message about the power of beginning with WHY
• Michael Ivanov → Inspiring author and speaker on leading with purpose and reaching your full potential

The post FAQ Series: Work and Contribution – What Do I Make Possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the first post in our Personal FAQs series, where we will be exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Having core FAQs across all domains isn’t about reaching final answers. It’s about staying present to who we’re becoming and how that impacts other aspects of our life and body of work.

However, our first domain is where they all have their genesis and foundation.

We’re beginning with the domain at the center of everything: Identity & Purpose.
 
We think of identity as something we discover. But the truth is, it is something that we continue to uncover. It evolves. And when it does, our purpose can as well. That’s why the pairing is important.
 
The key is to understand that for both, change is always part of the equation in some form.
 
In my book, Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? I share a personal experience with this. When my daughter got married, and I was facing that empty-nest season, I started by asking the usual questions: Is she okay? What does she need? How can I support her?
 
But the more important questions were not about her at all. They were about me and my role in life. What was I going to do now? Who would need me? How could I adjust to MY new life? Those questions were harder. I was unprepared for them.
 
Our roles will always change. And with those changes, who we are beneath them and how we define purpose for ourselves is something we’re invited to revisit again and again.
 
That season of navigating the empty nest was a significant disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. At the time, family was the core of how I defined both. But over the years, and through many transitions since, that definition has continued to expand.

That is, once again, why this domain is so important. This is the root system. Before clarity in strategy, productivity, or even alignment, we need to be anchored in who we are and why we’re here. For solopreneurs and professionals, especially those building values-driven lives and businesses, identity isn’t just personal—it’s structural.

Identity & Purpose FAQs:

The questions that helped me navigate transitions like going from full-time single mom to someone exploring new callings weren’t always the ones I expected.

I didn’t need grand revelations. I needed grounding. I needed prompts that gave me room to be honest. Questions that invited curiosity rather than demanded clarity.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge.

• What qualities in myself feel most alive, most true, in this season?
• Who am I becoming by choice, not just by circumstance?
• If someone were to describe the legacy I’m living in this season, what would I want them to say?
• What environments or moments help me feel most connected to myself? And which ones disconnect me?
• What values have I outgrown as my primary priorities, or am I now ready to release?
• What labels or roles no longer reflect who I am?
• What forgotten parts of me want to re-emerge?
• What parts of myself am I still waiting to be “ready enough” to share?
• Where am I compromising who I am in order to be who I think I should be?
• What would I choose if I didn’t need to explain it to anyone?

In this context, the best questions aren’t the ones that give us answers. They’re the ones that give us pause and change how we see ourselves. That’s what these are meant to do.

Also, remember that your FAQs aren’t questions designed to be answered once. They’re meant to travel with you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?
 
They don’t just make you think, they help you see.
 
The right questions about identity and purpose don’t just remind you of who you’ve been. They reconnect you with who you’re becoming. They clarify what matters most to you now and illuminate the next right step.
 
The result of asking good questions in this domain isn’t a perfect label or a polished personal mission statement.
 
It’s movement that leads you to a deepening awareness of what gives your life meaning, and a growing sense of alignment between who you are and how you show up in the world.
 
That’s how you know. You feel less lost in the noise of expectations and more at home in your own story.

A Shift You Might Notice

Sometimes, you’ll revisit a familiar question and discover a completely different answer.

That can be because we move into a different season so we have a definite change in our primary roles. But it can also simply be because we grow. We learn more about ourselves and how we want to interact with our world.

The questions stayed the same. We changed.

And that’s the beauty of these FAQs. They can and will evolve as we do.

As we grow, so will the opportunities for us and the ways we express ourselves.

But it starts with giving ourselves permission to grow. When we give ourselves permission to grow, we allow new perspectives to come into view.

So, here’s a bonus question for our first domain:

• If I gave myself full permission to live on purpose today, what would I do differently?

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

1. Awake at the Wheel by Jonathan Fields on Substack and his podcast The Good Life Project.
2. Essentialism by Greg McKeown – A powerful reminder that purpose often lives just on the other side of letting go.
3. Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud – One of the most powerful and impactful books I’ve ever read on purposeful change. Something doesn’t have to be broken for it to be ready for change. Just as we prune our plants, we must often let go of what looks like a perfectly good branch so that better ones can emerge and grow.

The post FAQ Series: Identity, Purpose, and Permission to Grow appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

My best birthday gift last year, when I turned 70, was a surprise visit from my daughter, son-in-law, and my two youngest granddaughters. It had been a long time since we’d breathed the same air. That first hug, one neither my daughter nor I wanted to end, reminded me just how much I’d missed them. It was a short visit, just a day, but it filled my heart and renewed my resolve to make sure the next one comes much sooner.
 
But the visit also took me back to my continued computer saga and brought another lesson.
 
As I’ve shared here, my aging computer had been acting up for weeks, despite all efforts to fix it. When my son-in-law saw what was happening, he gently said what I already knew: “It might be time for a new one.” And then, with the kind of generosity I won’t forget, he and my daughter offered to gift me a new computer for my birthday.
 
Setting it up brought the usual learning curve. Software may look the same, but operating systems have changed. And while my brother-in-law helped with the setup, what surprised me most was how incredibly helpful the FAQs were.
 
Honestly, I used to skip past them. But this time, they became guideposts.
 
It made me realize: the most helpful part isn’t always the answer. It is knowing what to ask.
 
Those lists of “Frequently Asked Questions” helped me find the information I needed (when I needed it), not just because it had the answers, but because someone else had taken the time to name the questions. They anticipated what would show up. They knew where the friction would be. They gave the uncertainty a shape and with it, a way forward.
 
It made me realize how helpful that is in many other places and ways.
 
Growth Begins with Questions
 
We often think growth begins with solving problems. But more often, it begins by paying attention to the questions that keep showing up.
 
The ones that arise in unplanned moments.
On hard days.
Or just before something shifts.
 
These become our personal FAQs, the foundational questions that shape how we plan, reflect, and decide.

The Five Questions That Keep Finding Me

These five questions are currently my FAQs. They have become my navigational beacons. They show up in my journal, my weekly planning, my quarterly check-ins, and whenever I need to discern my next step.

1. What does this make possible?

This is my compass. It turns detours into doorways and unlocks creative resilience. It’s how I stay open to becoming, especially in seasons of transition. Everything begins here.

2. Am I aligned with what matters most right now?

This one checks for drift. It’s my tether to values, season, and integrity in action. It’s not about my ideal self—but my real one.

3. Where is my energy being invited—or resisted?

Energy leaves clues. This question helps me to follow them. It allows whispers to work before they have to become screams!

4. What is mine to do?

Not everything is mine to do. But something is. This question helps me clarify my essential edge in life and work. It’s what only I can do in this moment, this space, this story.

5. Am I ready for what’s next?

Or put another way: Am I preparing for what I say I want? Because in the end, that’s what it means to be ready. Desire without structure rarely becomes reality. This question helps me build scaffolding for what I’m growing toward.

These Questions Are Living Things

Sometimes I speak them out loud. Sometimes I write them down. Sometimes I just sit with them.

They’re not static. They evolve. But they continue to help me move through this season with more clarity, more ease, and yes—more possibility.

They’ve helped me:

• Define my next steps
• Reframe challenges
• Reclaim energy when I’ve felt off-course

 They are not just reflective tools. They are companions.

What’s on Your Personal FAQ Page?

I offer my FAQs, not as a formula to follow, but as an invitation to start noticing your own repeat questions.

• What do you ask when you feel lost?
• What questions pull you forward when everything feels uncertain?
• Which ones feel like home when the map no longer fits the terrain?

Start there.

The post Where do FAQs come from? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Many of us see the turning of a calendar page as a chance to begin anew. And, as a mark in time, it can be helpful, but the truth is that it takes more than just a date to experience true renewal.

That may be why so many of us end up disappointed pretty quickly as we venture into the new year to find that not much has changed. For that to happen, we need to do more. In fact, just about now is when we begin to feel those early pangs of what can quickly turn to regret.

But what is it we need to do? Do we need better goals? Perhaps a vision board? Those are tools in the same way our calendars can be, but they alone are still not going to bring the renewal that allows us to reclaim our best lives.

To do that, we need to take the time to immerse ourselves in the renewal process.

It is a practice we can all adopt and use at any time of year, but it can be especially helpful as we look ahead to what lies ahead as we move through life’s seasons.

What’s interesting is that when we take this approach, we find just as many things that need to end as any that need to begin.

Are you ready? Let’s get started.

R – REFLECT

Start by reflecting on where you are now. Look at your current commitments and investments of time, money, and energy. Take time to assess where you stand. Begin thinking about what may be missing or what may just be missing the mark.

E – EVALUATE

Now, we move on to evaluating the effectiveness and continued relevance of your existing commitments and investments. Are they aligned with what you want for yourself in this season of your life? Begin thinking about what you may need to let go of to make room for growth.

N – NURTURE

Ready for a brief pause? It’s time to consider that we may be disappointed with our results because we’ve failed to nurture our current goals and investments enough for them to deliver on their promise. Have you given the right amount of priority and care to what matters to you? At this point in the process, you begin to think about what resources you might need to shift or shore up to honor your priorities.

E – EVOLVE

With this step, we’re entering my favorite stage of the renewal process. Now, we open our hearts and minds to where we need to grow. Renewal is about growth. As you renew your commitments, be willing to adapt and refine them based on your current reality, but with a bias toward your desired future. Are you living today like you want tomorrow to be?

W – WRITE

Now, on to the mighty pen or pencil, if you’re like me. While this may not seem the case, this step could be the most important. I recommend that you write down your renewed commitments and investments. Putting them on paper can make them more tangible and help you stay accountable. Let them serve as a manifesto to guide you as you move forward.

And that is what renewal is about in the end: Moving forward.

It is a time to acknowledge that the old is gone and a new day has begun. We press that reset button and refocus on where we are and where we are going.

This process can be an incredible teaching moment. It allows us to seize opportunities that we might otherwise miss.

The renewal process is also a spiritual quest for me. Did you know that the Bible references renewal at least 66 times? That’s where I started my renewal practice this year. Diving into the spiritual element of renewal. I found this to be a part of every faith practice I looked at. The process becomes even more transformative when we allow ourselves to plug into a source of power beyond ourselves.

Let’s choose to let go of the status quo and deepen our understanding of ourselves and what is most important. And then move forward into that life with a renewed sense of purpose and direction.

This simple, five-step process can help you do that and bring everything you seek into alignment.

“If you want to know,
life is the principle of self-renewal,
it is constantly renewing and remaking
and changing and transfiguring itself.”

~Boris Pasternak,
Russian poet, Nobel Prize for Literature
for his novel Doctor Zhivago

The post Are you ready for what is next? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

In this post, we return to our series focused on achieving a positive rate of return on our investments beyond purely financial metrics.

We are exploring the idea that where our money goes in and of itself is not really the best indicator of what our future is going to look like. Our priorities and choices in every part of our lives are a factor.

In this conversation, we’re talking about ROR or Return on Relationships.

Are you strategic in your relationships? Remember that being strategic is simply beginning with the end in mind. We all have relationships. It is our perspective on their value and our respective roles in them that help us understand the idea of a return on our investment in them.

I originally penned these thoughts just after returning from a full day with one of my mastermind groups. These relationships have given me the priceless gift of hope. I learn from each of our members every time we meet. They have validated my gifts and inspired me to invest them more fully. It is just one example of how our relationships can be intentional and create a return.

Here are five things I would offer for you to consider to take these thoughts further:

1–Just as with learning, the first way to be certain you are getting a maximum return is to honestly assess whether or not you are investing in your relationships. We should always check ourselves first and be certain that we are doing our part.

Consider who is on your calendar, not what. Where are you intentionally building and investing in relationships that represent your values and your vision?

2- The second place we need to check is our expectation or intention. What is the purpose of the relationship? Are you clear about that? Is the other party clear about it as well? Clarity in relationships is crucial. So many times, we don’t get what we need because we aren’t clear about it with ourselves and the other person or people. This is most often where dissatisfaction begins: a lack of communication around our mutual needs.

3- Next is reciprocity. This is not about keeping score. It’s about balance, harmony, give and take. What does the other person need from you? Are you actively engaged in meeting their needs? As Ralph Waldo Emerson stated: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.”

Many (most) of us are givers. That’s a good thing. Reciprocity is how you make certain you achieve balance. It is about giving AND receiving. Review where you are on this point, even if you need to engage in a specific conversation about it.

Remember, it’s not for keeping score – it is about creating harmony and mutual value.

4- That brings us to what I call the “E” factor: Emotional and Energy returns. How do you feel about yourself in the relationship? How does the other person feel? Is your energy lifted or drained? In our next segment, we will be talking about ROE, or Return on Energy, in more depth, but it’s a clear factor specific to relationships.

I am a natural introvert. My energy comes from solitude and my personal creative processes. So this is a critical point for me. For my extrovert friends, being around others can almost always generate energy just because that is how they are wired. But for all of us, whether introvert or extrovert, the element of positive energy merits discussion. When we are invested in the right relationships, our synergies make our time together empowering.  

#5- The final point is the horizon check. What’s changing for you? For them? What does that make possible for you and your relationship? What might need to shift in the relationship for it to hold and increase its value through those changes?

We all go through transitions in our lives. Sometimes that is a natural course of changing seasons. Other times it comes from decisions about our work. The key is placing a value on core relationships within those changes.

When my work focus shifted, it mandated a complete change in my personal network circles. I was not prepared for that. I had not nurtured or even developed relationships away from my work. This became a recognized value for me after that. Rather than starting with the work and seeing what relationships develop, seek the relationships and see what opportunities appear. A very different perspective that allows you to have agility within your personal and professional circles, enabling growth in every area.

Five considerations to think about for driving positive investment actions in our relationships.

What makes these particular ideas valuable is that no matter what relationship we’re talking about, the same principles apply.

Whether it is our relationships within our family, with friends, colleagues, or customers, we need to honestly review our investment, intentions, balance, energy responses, and commitment to value them.

Following these guidelines can deliver confidence that the investments we make in others and in our relationships with them will give both of us the highest possible return – a positive sense of self, who we are, and our value in the world. How? Because we are creating a foundation that fosters and promotes that with every exchange.

The post The many returns of the day, Part 3- What is your ROR? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

One of my favorite thought leaders on personal growth is Stephen Covey. He teaches that none of us is the product of our circumstances; we are all the product of our decisions. My life has certainly proven that to be true.

Each decision we make shapes us and our future, and ultimately, it can shape future generations as well.

The good news is that we each have the power to decide the direction of our lives because we first have the power to choose or even create our choices.

That’s why we keep listening and learning from many different sources. Each voice adds nuance to an idea that helps us distill its truth until it moves from words we simply read or hear to a truth we embrace and live by.

One of the most important skills we must continuously develop is our ability to decide. It sounds simple enough, yet it can trip up even the most confident of us at times. But those decisions are the fuel of everything in our lives. That’s why I am always looking for ways to create better choices so that I can make more informed decisions.

Too often, though, our nemesis is getting locked into the vortex of indecision. But at its core, it isn’t indecision at all. It’s a surrender of choice. That’s why we need to guard against it.

It is often said that we don’t truly appreciate something until we’ve lost it or at least faced the threat of losing it. That was certainly true for me many times over.

And at one point, that was my confidence in my ability to make good decisions.

I had taken my ability to make decisions for granted. It came easily to me. But then came those moments of insight when I had to face the fact that I had made some poor choices. That put me into a downward spiral, and my ability to make even the simplest of decisions was waning. I was second-guessing everything. I needed to restore that ease and confidence.

How did I do it? As with any skill, true confidence can only come from doing. I began to just decide, to make choices, small ones at first, and gradually bigger ones. The confidence came from returning to the knowledge that with each decision comes the continued opportunity to evaluate and adjust.

Over time, a pattern emerged that showed me where decisions were happening with greater ease and confidence. As they say, success leaves clues. In this case, a simple five-step process had emerged that worked every time.

Step 1 – DETERMINE the real question or need

This is essential. If we think we are making a decision about A, but the actual issue is B, something will be missed, and the decision will be made from a false narrative. By drilling down with questions and getting to the heart of the decision, all the distracting debris will fall away.

Step 2 – Allow (and limit) an appropriate amount of time and effort for DISCOVERY

Big seems little, and little seems big. When perspective gets out of kilter, we can tend to over-analyze everything. Be brutally honest with yourself about the impact of the decision and respond proportionally. One way to do that is to consider how long you will live with the consequences of the choice. It can be easy to forget that most things, including our choices, are temporary anyway. By setting limits on what we can discover about our choices in terms of time, effort, and other resources, we effectively contain the situation.

Insight: I also found a +3 rule invaluable. If I needed to make a decision, instead of leaving any of them between just two options, I would apply the +3 rule. If someone said to choose A or B, I would challenge myself to come up with C, D, and E. If there were three choices, I came up with six. Sometimes, the decision is tough because the right choice isn’t there. Instead of agonizing over which to choose, create the choice. Just do it within a process and time frame that doesn’t allow it to drift away from you.

Step 3 – Make a choice – DECIDE

When it’s all said and done, the skill can only develop through practice. For us to have confidence in our choices, we first have to make them. It’s really that simple. If we understand the situation and have an adequate array of choices, this step gets much easier.

Step 4 – The decision is only truly made when we take action. The fourth step is to ACT.

Non-action negates the decision. Implementation is the key to everything in life.

We can fully understand our needs, create truly innovative solutions, and make brilliant choices. But all of that will not accomplish anything if we don’t ultimately take action.

Step 5 – LOSE THE FEAR of the wrong choice and replace it with the power of turning regret into resolve.

Without question, though, the most powerful lesson for me was losing the fear of the wrong choice. Isn’t that what stands in our way more than anything? We don’t want to get it wrong, so we end up paralyzed. Once we accept that we’re going to get it wrong, most likely as many times as we get it right, and that within those “wrong choices” live the opportunity to grow, we stop being afraid and turn the pain of regret into the power of resolve.

From all this came the underlying lesson that how we handle the small things in life is the best predictor of how we manage the more significant things. If we aren’t making good choices during our day, it ultimately shows up as ineffective choices in our lives. Personal leadership and responsibility are the keys.

When we are in times of chaos and turmoil, and our trust in so much is under siege, it is critical that we remind ourselves every day that we never lose our ultimate power: the power of choice.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor E. Frankl

What about you?
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate the choices you are considering, I can help. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because every decision we make will only be as valuable as the choices we start from that become part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

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