One of my favorite thought leaders on personal growth is Stephen Covey. He teaches that none of us is the product of our circumstances; we are all the product of our decisions. My life has certainly proven that to be true.
Each decision we make shapes us and our future, and ultimately, it can shape future generations as well.
The good news is that we each have the power to decide the direction of our lives because we first have the power to choose or even create our choices.
That’s why we keep listening and learning from many different sources. Each voice adds nuance to an idea that helps us distill its truth until it moves from words we simply read or hear to a truth we embrace and live by.
One of the most important skills we must continuously develop is our ability to decide. It sounds simple enough, yet it can trip up even the most confident of us at times. But those decisions are the fuel of everything in our lives. That’s why I am always looking for ways to create better choices so that I can make more informed decisions.
Too often, though, our nemesis is getting locked into the vortex of indecision. But at its core, it isn’t indecision at all. It’s a surrender of choice. That’s why we need to guard against it.
It is often said that we don’t truly appreciate something until we’ve lost it or at least faced the threat of losing it. That was certainly true for me many times over.
And at one point, that was my confidence in my ability to make good decisions.
I had taken my ability to make decisions for granted. It came easily to me. But then came those moments of insight when I had to face the fact that I had made some poor choices. That put me into a downward spiral, and my ability to make even the simplest of decisions was waning. I was second-guessing everything. I needed to restore that ease and confidence.
How did I do it? As with any skill, true confidence can only come from doing. I began to just decide, to make choices, small ones at first, and gradually bigger ones. The confidence came from returning to the knowledge that with each decision comes the continued opportunity to evaluate and adjust.
Over time, a pattern emerged that showed me where decisions were happening with greater ease and confidence. As they say, success leaves clues. In this case, a simple five-step process had emerged that worked every time.
Step 1 – DETERMINE the real question or need
This is essential. If we think we are making a decision about A, but the actual issue is B, something will be missed, and the decision will be made from a false narrative. By drilling down with questions and getting to the heart of the decision, all the distracting debris will fall away.
Step 2 – Allow (and limit) an appropriate amount of time and effort for DISCOVERY
Big seems little, and little seems big. When perspective gets out of kilter, we can tend to over-analyze everything. Be brutally honest with yourself about the impact of the decision and respond proportionally. One way to do that is to consider how long you will live with the consequences of the choice. It can be easy to forget that most things, including our choices, are temporary anyway. By setting limits on what we can discover about our choices in terms of time, effort, and other resources, we effectively contain the situation.
Insight: I also found a +3 rule invaluable. If I needed to make a decision, instead of leaving any of them between just two options, I would apply the +3 rule. If someone said to choose A or B, I would challenge myself to come up with C, D, and E. If there were three choices, I came up with six. Sometimes, the decision is tough because the right choice isn’t there. Instead of agonizing over which to choose, create the choice. Just do it within a process and time frame that doesn’t allow it to drift away from you.
Step 3 – Make a choice – DECIDE
When it’s all said and done, the skill can only develop through practice. For us to have confidence in our choices, we first have to make them. It’s really that simple. If we understand the situation and have an adequate array of choices, this step gets much easier.
Step 4 – The decision is only truly made when we take action. The fourth step is to ACT.
Non-action negates the decision. Implementation is the key to everything in life.
We can fully understand our needs, create truly innovative solutions, and make brilliant choices. But all of that will not accomplish anything if we don’t ultimately take action.
Step 5 – LOSE THE FEAR of the wrong choice and replace it with the power of turning regret into resolve.
Without question, though, the most powerful lesson for me was losing the fear of the wrong choice. Isn’t that what stands in our way more than anything? We don’t want to get it wrong, so we end up paralyzed. Once we accept that we’re going to get it wrong, most likely as many times as we get it right, and that within those “wrong choices” live the opportunity to grow, we stop being afraid and turn the pain of regret into the power of resolve.
From all this came the underlying lesson that how we handle the small things in life is the best predictor of how we manage the more significant things. If we aren’t making good choices during our day, it ultimately shows up as ineffective choices in our lives. Personal leadership and responsibility are the keys.
When we are in times of chaos and turmoil, and our trust in so much is under siege, it is critical that we remind ourselves every day that we never lose our ultimate power: the power of choice.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor E. Frankl
What about you?
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate the choices you are considering, I can help. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
Because every decision we make will only be as valuable as the choices we start from that become part of the foundation for what’s coming next.
