One of the most fascinating things about the power of a decision is how many channels it opens for us to take action. Quite frankly, that’s how I know I’ve truly decided about something. The way forward stops being about the decision. That isn’t a variable any longer. It’s the foundation.

In situations where the decision keeps coming up as an option, I know I still have work to do to get clear.

That’s not always as easy as we may think for a number of reasons. But one of the most challenging is when we don’t understand the decision we are making.

In several conversations this past week, working with people within the Decision Brief tool I’m developing, this became really clear.

Before any decision can be internalized in a way that is sustainable, it must first be fully understood.

What does that mean? This is where walls come into the conversation. Yes, I know, it’s an odd pairing, but bear with me because this insight is important and will prove helpful.

What do walls have to do with decisions? Let’s take a look.
 
What walls and decisions have in common
 
In the simplest terms, it’s about their function.

Decisions are what keep us functioning, focused, and safe. Isn’t that also what walls do?

Before you build a wall, you need to know its purpose. And the purpose of the wall is going to give you all of the specifications you need in order to build it in a way that ensures its success.
 
It is the same with decisions. The purpose of the decision is what ultimately defines it.

What’s protecting the foundation?
 
If you’ve ever done a home remodel or watched one of the many shows about them, you’ve experienced the dreaded discovery that the wall you want to take down due to our modern-day obsession with open concept living is, in fact, a load-bearing wall.
 
What does that mean? It means you cannot just remove it. You must take on the work of that wall another way before it can be removed. That can be with overhead framing or in other ways, but that wall distributes the weight of the entire structure across the foundation so the house can stand.
 
Load-bearing walls are more than just a wall. They do serious work, and they are the visible evidence that the structure has a foundation. What does that bring to mind? You might think of values—but it goes deeper. Your beliefs are part of the structure, too. They’re what keep the weight distributed and the whole system standing.
 
What’s protecting how you function?
 
But what about the other walls? When a structure is framed out, those other walls are doing just that. They are creating a frame. They are about what will happen within the structure. These are not as permanent, but they are as specific. You wouldn’t frame a kitchen in the same way you would frame a bathroom, a bedroom, or a carport. Once again, the wall’s purpose gives you the specification for it.
 
It’s the same with many of our decisions. They aren’t fully permanent, but they are meant to be defining. We have to understand what the decision is meant to allow us to do before we can fully understand it.
 
This is where binary thinking often becomes our nemesis. We think we are deciding between two options, but the real decision is about what the options are meant to make possible.
 
This applies to both our businesses and our lives.
 
What’s protecting how you stay the course?
 
The last type of wall is my current focus: temporary walls, or scaffolding. Sometimes, the decision we need to make is temporary from the onset. It is needed because of specific circumstances or conditions. When we approach those decisions with that level of understanding, it can be much easier to figure out which temporary measure will get the job done for us and allow us to reverse out of it when the time comes with ease.
 
What I find interesting with this type of wall is that we often carry guilt about them, as if temporary means uncommitted or weak. We need to leverage a bit of a pun here and reframe temporary decisions as purposeful and self-eliminating by design.
 
If you’re still reading and with me on this, thank you. I know this is not as straightforward as just giving you a five-step plan or a set of prompts to help you make a decision. But this is at the heart of the work I’m doing, and it is growing clearer to me every day that, before we can start, we need to get better at understanding just what it is we are deciding.
 
The question we’re really asking each time we are faced with a choice is this:
 
Do you know which kind of decision you’re making?
 
Because most people don’t. They treat load-bearing decisions like scaffolding and wonder why things collapse. Or they treat scaffolding like load-bearing walls and can’t let go when the job is done.

Reflection

One of my favorite insights from Andy Andrews is right on point this week.
 
“One way to define wisdom is the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present. That ability can give you a completely different perspective on what the future might look like.”
 
Decision models are important. Just as architectural models show us how things will function, they allow us to make critical changes before they become problematic. They give us that glimpse into the future consequences of our choices.
 
Here’s what I’d like to invite you to consider:
 
Choose one area of your life or work to examine what your walls (decisions) look like now.
 
That can be your work, your finances, your health, your relationships, your creative endeavors, your spiritual life – choose one aspect of the building that is your life.
 
Now look at what foundational decisions you have in place. Where is your load-bearing wall? How are you ensuring that the weight of what you carry is always coming back to the foundation?
 
Staying with that same segment of “YOU” – let’s look at your framing of it. How are you supporting it? This can be your processes, your habits, your daily practices – anything that is about your “how” for that particular “what.”
 
Finally, check whether you have any temporary walls or scaffolding in place for it. If yes, is it doing the job? Is it effective? Do you have any that it may be time to let go of? If you don’t have any, is there a place here where that would be helpful? This could be finding a mentor, a spiritual advisor, a health professional – any number of things can apply here.
 
Once you’ve examined that part of your life or work, step back and determine how any of the walls you have found might also be supporting other parts of you, and move there next.
 
Become the inspector of your own life by looking at the basic decisions you have already made before determining what the next ones need to be.  
 
Because until you do, you will keep building the wrong kind of walls for the life you are trying to live.

The post What walls can teach us about decisions appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

I’ve noticed something about my inbox lately. It’s been filled with renewal notices—publications, insurance, and everything in between.
 
The message is clear: Do you want to continue?
 
It has reminded me that March often brings its own kind of renewal notices—signals that it may be time to question the decisions and choices we made coming into the new year.
 
In some cases, that’s because we’ve gone through changes that have shifted things, including our focus.

In others, it might be that we’re just not seeing the progress we had hoped for, and discouragement is beginning to wave its flag of surrender.
 
Still other factors might be at play. The list has no definitive end for why we don’t, won’t, or even can’t finish everything we start.
 
I’ll admit that this was a struggle for me for many years. It may have come from childhood, where we had to finish everything on our plates. Ugh. But more likely, it came from the bombardment of messages we have all been subjected to: ‘winners never quit.’

But the reality is that winners quit more often than they finish. They’ve just gotten very good at deciding when and what to quit.
 
That’s been on my mind this past week as I’ve been looking at my own spectrum of ambition for this year. My focus word is RESOLVE. I knew that was the secret to my success in everything on my roster. I had to practice resolve. I had to do what I had resolved to do.
 
But what is interesting about that is that our resolve can remain to do something while still allowing us to find another path to get there.
 
That’s without question the most looming message for me this year. The path to success isn’t limited. The divergent thinking I’ve been talking about is showing me ways to achieve things that I had never considered.
 
The resolve is still there. But it’s now my resolve to get something done. Not for the way to make that happen.
 
We must each continuously adjust our decisions based on our own feedback, what we learn from others, accurate information, and changes around us. That is how we can stay responsive, relevant, and effective as we move toward the destination we’ve chosen.

This isn’t a new topic for me. So instead of writing something completely new this week, I went back to three pieces that each address a different perspective and approach for revisiting our decisions.
 
For those times when you just want to quit!
 
This article is from the blog, and it meets you in the moment before the moment. The one where you’re not sure if you’re being resilient or just stubborn.
 
The first part talks about the fact that there are two very different lenses we can use when we look at the question of whether or not to stay the course.

The second part includes five things to consider when you have decided you want to stay the course and need help doing that. I’m working on some follow-up thoughts for this now that talk about how to convert motivation to momentum.
 
If this is where you find yourself, the five points here are a good starting point.
 
Does This Still Matter?
 
Some of you have already joined me on Substack and are following my publication there, which is unfolding the story of my upcoming parable, The Possibility Factor.
 
Sometimes the question isn’t just whether to continue. It’s whether the destination still means what it once did. This one sits with that question.
 
This article looks at what happens when meaning changes and what we once thought was our center shifts.
 
Here’s a line from it that might meet you where you are:
 
“There are times when what we do doesn’t change, but our reason for doing it does. Sometimes that comes from a deepening awareness; other times it’s a natural realignment with a new season of life or work.”
 
It also looks at the value and need for refinement, at times, and draws on lessons I’ve learned as a potter.
 
Growth Doesn’t Always Announce Itself
 
This is the one I saved for last. It’s about the work that happens before the proof shows up.
 
It is from the Yes I Can Living community’s blog, where I am a contributor.
 
This article is my most recent post there, and it’s very specific to my opening for this week’s message to you. It’s about March, and it closes with this thought:
 
Growth doesn’t always announce itself.
 
Sometimes it unfolds in hidden layers, building roots before blossoms, strength before beauty. Sometimes it asks for patience before proof.
 
March holds the tension of that truth. It reminds us that life can be very active even when it appears still.
 
The bloom will come in its season.
 
Until then, there is important work happening underground.

Reflection

One of my favorite quotes, which remains at the front of nearly every journal I have kept for a number of years, comes from Andrew McCarthy, written during a time of his own personal reawakening.
 
“There’s a certain moment in every memorable journey, often recognized only in hindsight, when the trip you are on presents itself, and the one you thought you were taking or had planned is jettisoned. It’s then that you begin really traveling, not merely touring.”
 
Across the three articles I’ve shared with you, there’s a shared message, even as they take it on through different lenses.
 
The questions for each of us are simple.
 
Where are you in your quest?
What needs to be examined?
What is it that it may be time to release?
What needs more time to grow?
 
If you’re unsure, remember this: You’re not in this alone.
 
Legacy is communal. Honest audits benefit from witnesses. Named desires get stronger when spoken to someone who can hold them with you.

I am here to help.

The post Keep going, quit, or start something new? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

When I first retired from the supply chain industry, I didn’t realize how much the lessons I learned there would continue to travel with me.

When we are fully immersed in something and live it out over time, we can lose track of how much it shapes us beyond the work itself.
It’s shaping how we think and how we see our lives.
 
I’ve long believed our lives aren’t nearly as siloed as we imagine. That realization was another gift from my working life, born of what I learned about the value and power of integrating processes and systems effectively.

What we see in one segment or season of our lives almost always influences other areas.
 
It’s the truth that lives behind the common statement that how we do anything is how we do everything. I’ve always rejected that sentiment because I know that it’s over-simplified. But this is the statement I do believe: How we do anything affects how we do everything.
 
It began as an appreciation for integration. Over time, it became something deeper: the ability to recognize patterns.

Think about that for a moment. If we can step back and see a pattern, we can see beyond just what is in front of us in any given moment. We can begin to fully appreciate the meaning behind cause and effect.
 
I took some time this past week to look at where I’m at so far in 2026 with my focus on resolve, and the achievements I’m putting that to work in. As usual, some moments inspired me to try and high-five myself – not an easy task – while others had me shaking my head.
 
As I looked at what was underneath all of that, some definite patterns emerged, and those patterns are lessons that may be as valuable to you as they have been for me. 

• Clarity grows through engagement.

We tend to think clarity is something we arrive at — as if we’ll wake up one morning and feel certain enough to move.

But what I’ve seen (and experienced) is this: Clarity sharpens while we’re in motion.

I explored this lesson more deeply in the piece on Clarity as a Lens — the idea that clarity isn’t a destination; it’s something we use. The act of choosing, refining, and re-evaluating is what sharpens it.

Clarity isn’t waiting for you. It’s waiting to be used.

• The visible decision is rarely the real decision.

This one has threaded its way through the Cooper North essays and several conversations I’ve had behind the scenes as I’m writing that book.

What looks like a tactical choice — sell or stay, launch or wait, hire or hold — is often a structural decision underneath: Who am I becoming? What am I stewarding? What am I unwilling to trade?

The surface option distracts us from the deeper alignment question. Once you see that, you can’t unsee it.

• Obstacles refine direction.

Earlier this year, I wrote about fear — not as something to eliminate, but something to interrogate.

Resistance is not always a red light. Sometimes it’s a refining fire.

When we expect obstacles rather than interpret them as proof we chose wrong, we respond differently. We adjust. We strengthen. We learn what we’re actually committed to.

The obstacle often reveals whether the direction is reactive… or rooted.

• The people around you shape what feels possible.

This surfaced in the piece on directional friendship — the reminder that ideas travel through relationships.

A book recommendation.
An introduction.
A question someone asks at the right moment.

We spend a lot of time thinking about tools and tactics. But more often than not, momentum enters through people.

Who you’re listening to quietly shapes what feels normal, risky, or possible.

• Courage may be quiet — but it’s not passive.

This one weaves through everything.

Courage isn’t loud. It rarely feels dramatic. It’s the steady willingness to choose without guarantees.

To move before the full picture is visible.
To decide before certainty arrives.

And to own the decision once it’s made.

This has been a core lesson for me this year because I’m spending time in new places — not just physically, but in every sense of the word. And that takes courage.

Reflections

This week, I’m inviting you to explore one place.
 
We’re far enough into 2026 to see patterns. Not just in what I’ve written and shared, but in what you’ve been living.

If you flipped back through your journal — or even just your calendar — what would your own 2026 highlight reel so far this year reveal?
 
What ideas, tensions, or lessons keep resurfacing?
And what might they be preparing you for next?

The post Patterns Worth Paying Attention To appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Two women were born in 1933. One in France. One in America.

The woman born in France was Jewish. Her name was Francine.

The American girl was born in a small town in West Virginia. She was a second-generation Cherokee. Her name was Peggy.

They came from different parts of the world and would face very different challenges. What they shared was coming into the world in the year Hitler came into power. That became part of both of their stories.

By the time Francine was eight years old, her father had been taken into custody as a prisoner of war. She had to wear the yellow star on her chest, marking her as Jewish. She and her mother were eventually taken to the Bergen-Belsen camp in Germany. Francine’s mother took two small pieces of chocolate with her, knowing there would be hard days ahead. She told her daughter she would save them for when they grew weak and needed strength. The chocolate would help get them through.

When another woman gave birth in the camp, Francine’s mother asked her if she thought they should give their chocolate to the struggling woman to help her have the strength to survive the birth. Francine didn’t hesitate and readily agreed. Despite dire conditions, both mother and child survived.

Six months later, British troops rescued them, and the camp was liberated. Francine and her mother were able to return to France, as did the other mother and child.

Life moved on from those dark days for all of them. Francine went on to write books and poetry and give lectures about her time in the camps. And give birth to her own daughter.

Many years later, when she was in her 80s, her daughter asked if she thought it would have helped her and the others freed from the camps if they had been given access to psychiatrists. She said she couldn’t say, mental health wasn’t something they even spoke of then. It was about survival. But that question inspired her to put together a symposium on the subject.

When one of the psychiatrists who had come to speak took her place at the podium, she began by saying she had a special gift for Francine and took out a piece of chocolate. She smiled warmly at Francine and said, “I’m the baby.”

Can you imagine the depth of feeling as the two women meet again after all those years? 

We don’t often get to see what comes from those moments of sacrifice. I found it very moving that they had a second divine appointment to meet. Somehow, you begin to understand from that moment that Francine and her mother gave so much more than a piece of chocolate.

The power of story always remains.

Listen to her tell her story in her own voice and words

Going back to our young girl growing up in West Virginia, her life took on a very different shape because of the war as well. Her mother worked as a tailor, making uniforms for soldiers fighting in Europe, to save those like Francine and her mother. Other friends and family lost loved ones who wore those uniforms. Their sacrifices were different. None compared to what Francine and her family experienced. But that time shaped everyone who lived through it.

That girl grew up, married a Marine, and moved to Ohio, where, in 1955, she gave birth to her first child, a daughter. Me.

I knew that my grandmother’s life had been changed by that war, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that my mother’s life began during that time. When I first heard Francine speak, I realized that they were contemporaries. The children also have their own stories to tell.

Listening to Francine talk about her conversation with her daughter, I thought of my own conversations with my mother.

I remember a telephone conversation with my Mom one summer, when I lived with my great-aunt and uncle in downtown Cleveland. My great aunt was recovering from heart surgery, and they needed help. On our call, I lamented missing home and my freedom. My mother reminded me that I wasn’t there for me.

She said I was born to fulfill a purpose, and that opportunities to make a difference would come throughout my life. They would never be a burden in the end, but a gift. It was the genesis of my understanding of having a purpose in the world and in my life. And the joy that would bring. She prophesied that into and over my life many times. She also modeled that in her own life. I have never forgotten it.

I find myself yearning again for conversations about her life with questions I never thought to ask. But still, I am comforted by the conversations we did have and my memories of her.

Thinking about both of these women, born in 1933, I’m reminded that no matter what our circumstances may be at any given time in our lives, we all have something to give. We are all called to give of ourselves, even to sacrifice at times. And, it is always a gift for us to have that opportunity.

It’s an important reminder and question to ask of ourselves with every encounter. How can I best serve in this moment?

The post The stories of two women born in 1933 appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can guide us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to ask questions that are relevant to where we are and what we need at any juncture, we have been reviewing five FAQs domains.

We move now to our final domain, Growth & Legacy.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Growth & Legacy

Some time ago, I wrote an article that has stayed with me. In fact, it’s one of my favorite pieces of my own writing if I’m allowed to admit that! The title of that message was this: Do Recipes Make You a Better Cook? 
 
As I was thinking about writing this final chapter of our FAQ series, I realized that while we’re discussing a specific domain, we’re also covering everything we’ve been reviewing together, because these FAQs culminate in two very specific outcomes. Growth and Legacy. They are stretching us, and in doing that, they are helping us leave our mark.
 
In that article, I shared the story of Chef Daniel Patterson. But the first question wasn’t about recipes. It was about GPS guidance systems. You see, Chef Patterson had gotten a new car, and it came with the then-default feature of GPS and navigation assistance. Initially, he resisted using it.
 
Then the day came when he decided to go ahead and take advantage of the technology. Before long, he recognized, like many of us, he had become dependent on it. Even when he went to places he frequented, he found himself relying on it. He was blindly following directions with no notice of his surroundings or where he was going.
 
When he realized what was happening, it startled him, and he began asking himself where else in life he (we) might be doing the same thing. Since he’s a chef, he naturally looked first at his world. Hence, the next question is whether recipes make us better cooks.
 
In fact, he himself wrote an entire article about it. It’s an excellent piece, and I encourage you to read it.

These words from that article were what inspired my own and brought it back to mind for this week’s message and wrapping up our series:
 
“Part of the problem with recipes today is that they seem to be predicated on the idea that a good recipe should eliminate the possibility of mistakes. But here’s a secret: Good cooks make mistakes all the time. They take wrong turns and end up in strange places. Their attention sharpens as they try to figure out where they are and how they got there. Eventually, they either reach their original destination or discover that wherever they stumbled into is really the best place to be. Sometimes it’s important to get lost.” 

Here’s what I wrote in my essay:
 
We are faced every day with “recipes.” Use these methods, these tools. Take each step in this order. Make sure you don’t substitute anything. In other words, if you want it to work, don’t change anything. In life and our work, I’m sure you recognize and hear the message as much as I do.

But what if that’s not right? What if the best result comes from using the recipe as a starting point rather than a rulebook? What if we start experimenting and venturing forward as creators and find our own results? That has far more appeal for me.
 
I want to encourage you to see the concept of FAQs or any guidance questions in this way. They are not meant to be prescriptive. They are meant, in fact, to help you get a little lost so that you can, in turn, find your way. They are simply a starting point. Experiment with them and venture out as the creator of your own, over and over again.
 
Remember that growth and legacy are the culmination of everything we’ve been exploring together. Identity, work, decisions, and rhythm set the stage, but growth is what keeps it alive, and legacy is what ensures it outlives us.

Why It Matters

Without growth and legacy, our questions risk being self-contained. Useful perhaps, but limited. When we add this domain, we stretch our perspective forward and outward. We begin to see that what we learn, contribute, and embody is not only for ourselves, but also for those who come after us.
 
This domain asks us to think about continuity.
 
What carries forward because we were here?

What are we making possible?

What to Look For

You’ll know it’s time to pay attention to this domain when: 

• Old answers start to feel too small for who you’re becoming.
• Others have started asking you for guidance, wisdom, or stories from your own journey.
• You’re unsure whether you are investing your time and energy in things that will last beyond your life or even this season.
• You begin to see traces of your influence showing up in the work, words, or choices of others.
• You want to shift your focus from what you’re achieving to the idea of impact.

Growth and Legacy FAQs

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state. Only choose those that resonate with you for the season you are in.

Here are a few starting points for the domain of Growth & Legacy: 

• What can I be learning now that future-me will thank me for?
• How can I grow in ways that expand what’s possible for others?
• What do I want to grow with me, and what do I want to grow beyond me?
• How can I be intentional about the influence my choices create?
• How can I define and live my legacy right now through achievement, relationships, values, or something else?
• What stories can I be shaping today that reflect the life I want to live?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions? 

• When your questions stir both hope and responsibility.
• When they anchor you in today while opening a window to tomorrow.
• When they shift your thinking from “what’s in it for me?” to “what’s possible because of me?”

Which brings us back to where we started. Do recipes make you a better cook? Not on their own. But they give you a starting point, a structure, a spark. The same is true here.

And that’s the point. It was never just about the questions. It’s about what they guide you to see, to choose, and to create.
 
Here’s one final thought from Chef Patterson to help:
 
“Cookbooks should teach us how to cook, not just follow instructions. By paying attention, a cook should be able to internalize the process, rendering the written recipes obsolete. The point of a recipe should be to help us find our own way.” 

Read the recipe (FAQ). Learn from it. Then close the book. Create your masterpiece in cooking and in life.
 
Why? Because your FAQs are not meant to stay on the page. They’re meant to guide your next steps.

This Week’s Additional Resources:

• The Second Mountain by David Brooks
• David Whyte’s poem “What to Remember When Waking”
• Holy Moments by Matthew Kelly
• The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly
• Adjusted Sails: What Does This Make Possible by Kathi Laughman (Included with Kindle Unlimited)

The post FAQ Series: Growth & Legacy – What will you make possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the third installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can serve as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help us based on our current situation and needs at any juncture, we are examining five different FAQ domains.

We’ve now covered the first two, and we’re moving on to Decision-Making & Direction this week.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Decision Making & Direction

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. ~Tony Robbins

When I went back to college in my 50s, it wasn’t because I suddenly had spare time. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to the mix was going to be a challenge without question.

What pushed me wasn’t ambition for its own sake, but frustration and the realization that I was passing up many opportunities simply because I didn’t have a degree. I decided to stop complaining about it and act.

My field of study this time around was Organizational Psychology, and one of my first classes was Effective Decision-Making. I thought it would be an easy filler. After all, I had many years of decisions already under my belt by this time. But it turned out to be one of the most transformative courses I’ve ever taken.

It changed how I thought about decisions, not just as choices but as turning points that could open new paths. I recognized their critical link to creating and honoring direction. That class and season of life became one of my favorites because I could feel how each decision was shaping the future in real time.

Why it Matters

Every decision shapes our story, whether by action or by delay. But not all decisions are equal, and without a framework, we risk drifting or reacting instead of choosing with intention.

But the framework doesn’t just mean drawing a line on a piece of paper and listing pros and cons. Not a bad exercise at times, but I’m talking about something more.

The framework that has served me has four parts or pillars.

• Clarity of Direction: Without a sense of where you’re headed, every option can feel equally urgent or equally confusing. Clarity doesn’t mean you know every detail of the future; it means you’ve chosen a general heading. When you name your desired direction, it becomes much easier to recognize whether a decision moves you closer or pulls you off course. 

Before weighing the details of any choice, pause and ask: What am I ultimately working toward?  Naming the direction helps you evaluate whether the choice is a step forward or a detour.

• Courage: Most of the decisions that shape our lives are not comfortable ones. They require stepping into uncertainty, risking rejection, or facing failure. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to choose in spite of it. When we hesitate too long, the decision often gets made for us by default, and that is rarely the choice we would have made with intention. 

This means we need to call our hesitation into question. Ask yourself: Am I avoiding this choice because it challenges me, or because it’s truly unwise? Comfort-driven decisions often seem easier at the time but can lead to regret later.

• Consequence: Every yes is also a no. Decisions always carry trade-offs, whether in time, money, energy, or opportunity. Too often, we look only at what we gain from a choice, not what it will cost us. Considering consequences doesn’t mean we never take risks; it means we take them with our eyes open. 

When facing a decision, consider all the potential outcomes and risks. When we weigh both sides honestly, we take ownership of our choices rather than feel blindsided by them later.

• Alignment: A decision that looks good on paper can still be wrong if it doesn’t align with your deeper values and long-term story. Alignment asks: Does this choice fit who I want to be and what I want my life to stand for? It also asks if this decision is in alignment with all of the other priorities you are working from in any given season. When decisions are aligned, they may still be difficult, but they carry a sense of integrity and peace that sustains us through the challenges.

Always view decisions through the lens of your future self. Does this decision help you build the kind of life or work you want to be known for? Or does it compromise something you know matters deeply to you? Alignment ensures that progress isn’t just movement, it’s movement in the right direction.

What to Look For 

• Replaying the same choice over and over without resolution.
• Waiting so long to decide that circumstances decide for you.
• Saying yes automatically and only realizing later what you’ve said no to.
• Second-guessing yourself after every choice instead of moving forward with it.
• Choosing what feels comfortable now but leaves you stuck later.
• Avoiding opportunities because you’re afraid of getting it “wrong.”

The two biggest barriers to good decision-making
are your ego and your blind spots.
Together, they make it difficult for you to
objectively see what is true about you and
your circumstances and to
make the best possible decisions.
 
~ Ray Dalio

Decision-Making and Direction FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state.

This week, we’re focused on the four pillars. Together, they invite us to consider these questions: 

• Am I clear on where I’m going?
• Am I willing to choose courage over comfort?
• Am I being honest about the trade-offs?
• Am I aligned with my deeper story?

When those four are in place, you can step forward with confidence even if the outcome isn’t guaranteed because you’ve made the best decision available to you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?

• They move you from confusion to clarity.
• They help you recognize both opportunity and consequence.
• They create momentum, and you can sense the next step more clearly.
• They invite courage, not just comfort.
• They connect today’s choices to tomorrow’s story.

In the long run, we shape our lives,
and we shape ourselves.
The process never ends until we die.
And the choices we make
are ultimately our own responsibility.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

When I look back at my decision to return to college, I can see now how it rested on all four pillars of strong decision-making. At the time, I didn’t have this language for it, but I was living it.

• Clarity of Direction: I knew exactly why I was going back. I was tired of being passed over or holding myself back because I didn’t have a degree. My direction was clear: I wanted to create new opportunities by removing that barrier.
• Courage: The choice wasn’t convenient. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to my plate. It would have been easier to stay where I was. Choosing school required courage to step into the unknown and believe I could carry the load.
• Consequence: I understood there would be costs. Time, energy, money, and countless late nights were all real trade-offs. But I also saw that the greater cost would be doing nothing and remaining stuck where I was.
• Alignment: At the heart of it, going back to school aligned with who I wanted to be. Growth, resilience, and possibility had always been part of my story. This choice honored those values and set an example I hoped my daughter would carry forward in her own life, and she has.

That decision didn’t just earn me a degree. It changed how I saw myself and how I shaped my future. It confirmed what I now believe with certainty: We really are always just one decision away from a different direction.

Remember that decisions are where true possibility begins.

Of course, decisions don’t stand alone. Once we’ve chosen a direction, the real test is weaving those choices into the rhythms of our daily lives and ensuring they integrate with the bigger picture.

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books):
 
Thinking in Bets — Annie Duke
Principles — Ray Dalio
The Road to Character — David Brooks
Right Thing, Right Now – Ryan Holiday
The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness – James Altucher and Claudia Altucher

The post FAQ Series: Decision-Making & Direction – What Do I Want To Be Possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the first post in our Personal FAQs series, where we will be exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Having core FAQs across all domains isn’t about reaching final answers. It’s about staying present to who we’re becoming and how that impacts other aspects of our life and body of work.

However, our first domain is where they all have their genesis and foundation.

We’re beginning with the domain at the center of everything: Identity & Purpose.
 
We think of identity as something we discover. But the truth is, it is something that we continue to uncover. It evolves. And when it does, our purpose can as well. That’s why the pairing is important.
 
The key is to understand that for both, change is always part of the equation in some form.
 
In my book, Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? I share a personal experience with this. When my daughter got married, and I was facing that empty-nest season, I started by asking the usual questions: Is she okay? What does she need? How can I support her?
 
But the more important questions were not about her at all. They were about me and my role in life. What was I going to do now? Who would need me? How could I adjust to MY new life? Those questions were harder. I was unprepared for them.
 
Our roles will always change. And with those changes, who we are beneath them and how we define purpose for ourselves is something we’re invited to revisit again and again.
 
That season of navigating the empty nest was a significant disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. At the time, family was the core of how I defined both. But over the years, and through many transitions since, that definition has continued to expand.

That is, once again, why this domain is so important. This is the root system. Before clarity in strategy, productivity, or even alignment, we need to be anchored in who we are and why we’re here. For solopreneurs and professionals, especially those building values-driven lives and businesses, identity isn’t just personal—it’s structural.

Identity & Purpose FAQs:

The questions that helped me navigate transitions like going from full-time single mom to someone exploring new callings weren’t always the ones I expected.

I didn’t need grand revelations. I needed grounding. I needed prompts that gave me room to be honest. Questions that invited curiosity rather than demanded clarity.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge.

• What qualities in myself feel most alive, most true, in this season?
• Who am I becoming by choice, not just by circumstance?
• If someone were to describe the legacy I’m living in this season, what would I want them to say?
• What environments or moments help me feel most connected to myself? And which ones disconnect me?
• What values have I outgrown as my primary priorities, or am I now ready to release?
• What labels or roles no longer reflect who I am?
• What forgotten parts of me want to re-emerge?
• What parts of myself am I still waiting to be “ready enough” to share?
• Where am I compromising who I am in order to be who I think I should be?
• What would I choose if I didn’t need to explain it to anyone?

In this context, the best questions aren’t the ones that give us answers. They’re the ones that give us pause and change how we see ourselves. That’s what these are meant to do.

Also, remember that your FAQs aren’t questions designed to be answered once. They’re meant to travel with you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?
 
They don’t just make you think, they help you see.
 
The right questions about identity and purpose don’t just remind you of who you’ve been. They reconnect you with who you’re becoming. They clarify what matters most to you now and illuminate the next right step.
 
The result of asking good questions in this domain isn’t a perfect label or a polished personal mission statement.
 
It’s movement that leads you to a deepening awareness of what gives your life meaning, and a growing sense of alignment between who you are and how you show up in the world.
 
That’s how you know. You feel less lost in the noise of expectations and more at home in your own story.

A Shift You Might Notice

Sometimes, you’ll revisit a familiar question and discover a completely different answer.

That can be because we move into a different season so we have a definite change in our primary roles. But it can also simply be because we grow. We learn more about ourselves and how we want to interact with our world.

The questions stayed the same. We changed.

And that’s the beauty of these FAQs. They can and will evolve as we do.

As we grow, so will the opportunities for us and the ways we express ourselves.

But it starts with giving ourselves permission to grow. When we give ourselves permission to grow, we allow new perspectives to come into view.

So, here’s a bonus question for our first domain:

• If I gave myself full permission to live on purpose today, what would I do differently?

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

1. Awake at the Wheel by Jonathan Fields on Substack and his podcast The Good Life Project.
2. Essentialism by Greg McKeown – A powerful reminder that purpose often lives just on the other side of letting go.
3. Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud – One of the most powerful and impactful books I’ve ever read on purposeful change. Something doesn’t have to be broken for it to be ready for change. Just as we prune our plants, we must often let go of what looks like a perfectly good branch so that better ones can emerge and grow.

The post FAQ Series: Identity, Purpose, and Permission to Grow appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Back in 2013, I wrote about Ralph Waldo Emerson without realizing how much of what I admired in him would one day show up in my own work. Self-publishing, writing in series, blending speaking with writing, journaling, all choices I’ve made as well, were paths he’d walked long before me.

In 1837, Emerson self-published The American Scholar at his own expense, a move I didn’t fully appreciate in 2013 but came to understand deeply in 2017, when I released and self-published my first book into the world. I suspect it was much easier for me than for him, given, again, the times in which we each lived.

He also wrote his own musings in journals. Harvard University Press has now published his journals (16 volumes), and some believe they contain some of his best work. I also consider my journal a companion for life, and those entries have often found their way into my published work.

Another point worth mentioning is that he was also one of the early adopters of the idea of a series, both in writing and in speaking. He understood the value of having sustained conversations with an audience rather than a single, isolated message.

But the main point for me was recognizing how those seeds, planted by what I learned about him and his work, beyond just reading his words, influenced me in ways I could not have imagined.

You’ve heard me say this before and often: There is more value in the rest of our stories than we can imagine. These moments of unexpected and quiet shifts from what we learn from others are part of what makes that true and, in fact, possible.

We must take the information in (LEARN),
then live it out (LIVE),
and ultimately share the results (LEAD).

It definitely speaks to the fact that success leaves clues. Why do we still, after nearly 200 years, quote Emerson’s writings? Because he didn’t just write words. He discussed ideas and presented new thoughts. Even back then, he delivered his message across different media. He was determined to reach people. To make them think and make their own choices. A fellow contrarian.

Here are a few of the challenges he offered that align with my own perspectives, and quite likely, in the early days, shaped them:

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or commanding except when he listens to this whisper, which is heard by him alone.

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

From One Series to the Next

Which brings me to what I found most interesting, reading about him again, in my writing practices.

Even when I didn’t consciously plan it, I’ve always been drawn to the rhythm of exploring an idea over time, one part leading to the next. Years ago, the original writing about Emerson was part of my Behind the Quote series. Then came others – continuing even now in my newsletter and other publications.

As I reflected on Emerson’s approach and my own, I can see that these series are more than formats. They are invitations. A way to stay in conversation, to evolve the questions we ask as we grow. Which is fitting for my next series.

I’m now stepping into a new offering: a Personal FAQ series, helping us identify the essential questions that guide our lives and work.

The series may change, but the approach remains the same: create a framework that helps us explore where we are and find our best path forward to where we’re going, one conversation at a time.

Over the coming posts, we will be diving into those questions we can return to when life and work ask more of us, or at least something different of us, which, let’s face it, is all the time.

We will be looking at them through these five domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

I’ll share a question (or two) from my own library of FAQs, as well as some other people of influence in my life. You can think of it as the work before the work.

Because before we can ask What should I do next? which is one of the essentials, we need to ask Who am I?

Going back to Emerson
 
“Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” 

I chose this lesson from Emerson as the first one, and it’s right there in this week’s image because it’s what is at the heart of everything I share and we do here. It’s also a reminder that both the lessons we choose and those that fall under the umbrella of invisible influence only become fully clear over time as we’ve lived them. 

As we get ready to embark on this new series, ask yourself this:
 
Who has been an invisible influence for you that you later came to recognize?

What lessons did they imprint upon you?

The post From Invisible to Essential: The Power of Unexpected Influence appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

My best birthday gift last year, when I turned 70, was a surprise visit from my daughter, son-in-law, and my two youngest granddaughters. It had been a long time since we’d breathed the same air. That first hug, one neither my daughter nor I wanted to end, reminded me just how much I’d missed them. It was a short visit, just a day, but it filled my heart and renewed my resolve to make sure the next one comes much sooner.
 
But the visit also took me back to my continued computer saga and brought another lesson.
 
As I’ve shared here, my aging computer had been acting up for weeks, despite all efforts to fix it. When my son-in-law saw what was happening, he gently said what I already knew: “It might be time for a new one.” And then, with the kind of generosity I won’t forget, he and my daughter offered to gift me a new computer for my birthday.
 
Setting it up brought the usual learning curve. Software may look the same, but operating systems have changed. And while my brother-in-law helped with the setup, what surprised me most was how incredibly helpful the FAQs were.
 
Honestly, I used to skip past them. But this time, they became guideposts.
 
It made me realize: the most helpful part isn’t always the answer. It is knowing what to ask.
 
Those lists of “Frequently Asked Questions” helped me find the information I needed (when I needed it), not just because it had the answers, but because someone else had taken the time to name the questions. They anticipated what would show up. They knew where the friction would be. They gave the uncertainty a shape and with it, a way forward.
 
It made me realize how helpful that is in many other places and ways.
 
Growth Begins with Questions
 
We often think growth begins with solving problems. But more often, it begins by paying attention to the questions that keep showing up.
 
The ones that arise in unplanned moments.
On hard days.
Or just before something shifts.
 
These become our personal FAQs, the foundational questions that shape how we plan, reflect, and decide.

The Five Questions That Keep Finding Me

These five questions are currently my FAQs. They have become my navigational beacons. They show up in my journal, my weekly planning, my quarterly check-ins, and whenever I need to discern my next step.

1. What does this make possible?

This is my compass. It turns detours into doorways and unlocks creative resilience. It’s how I stay open to becoming, especially in seasons of transition. Everything begins here.

2. Am I aligned with what matters most right now?

This one checks for drift. It’s my tether to values, season, and integrity in action. It’s not about my ideal self—but my real one.

3. Where is my energy being invited—or resisted?

Energy leaves clues. This question helps me to follow them. It allows whispers to work before they have to become screams!

4. What is mine to do?

Not everything is mine to do. But something is. This question helps me clarify my essential edge in life and work. It’s what only I can do in this moment, this space, this story.

5. Am I ready for what’s next?

Or put another way: Am I preparing for what I say I want? Because in the end, that’s what it means to be ready. Desire without structure rarely becomes reality. This question helps me build scaffolding for what I’m growing toward.

These Questions Are Living Things

Sometimes I speak them out loud. Sometimes I write them down. Sometimes I just sit with them.

They’re not static. They evolve. But they continue to help me move through this season with more clarity, more ease, and yes—more possibility.

They’ve helped me:

• Define my next steps
• Reframe challenges
• Reclaim energy when I’ve felt off-course

 They are not just reflective tools. They are companions.

What’s on Your Personal FAQ Page?

I offer my FAQs, not as a formula to follow, but as an invitation to start noticing your own repeat questions.

• What do you ask when you feel lost?
• What questions pull you forward when everything feels uncertain?
• Which ones feel like home when the map no longer fits the terrain?

Start there.

The post Where do FAQs come from? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Many of us see the turning of a calendar page as a chance to begin anew. And, as a mark in time, it can be helpful, but the truth is that it takes more than just a date to experience true renewal.

That may be why so many of us end up disappointed pretty quickly as we venture into the new year to find that not much has changed. For that to happen, we need to do more. In fact, just about now is when we begin to feel those early pangs of what can quickly turn to regret.

But what is it we need to do? Do we need better goals? Perhaps a vision board? Those are tools in the same way our calendars can be, but they alone are still not going to bring the renewal that allows us to reclaim our best lives.

To do that, we need to take the time to immerse ourselves in the renewal process.

It is a practice we can all adopt and use at any time of year, but it can be especially helpful as we look ahead to what lies ahead as we move through life’s seasons.

What’s interesting is that when we take this approach, we find just as many things that need to end as any that need to begin.

Are you ready? Let’s get started.

R – REFLECT

Start by reflecting on where you are now. Look at your current commitments and investments of time, money, and energy. Take time to assess where you stand. Begin thinking about what may be missing or what may just be missing the mark.

E – EVALUATE

Now, we move on to evaluating the effectiveness and continued relevance of your existing commitments and investments. Are they aligned with what you want for yourself in this season of your life? Begin thinking about what you may need to let go of to make room for growth.

N – NURTURE

Ready for a brief pause? It’s time to consider that we may be disappointed with our results because we’ve failed to nurture our current goals and investments enough for them to deliver on their promise. Have you given the right amount of priority and care to what matters to you? At this point in the process, you begin to think about what resources you might need to shift or shore up to honor your priorities.

E – EVOLVE

With this step, we’re entering my favorite stage of the renewal process. Now, we open our hearts and minds to where we need to grow. Renewal is about growth. As you renew your commitments, be willing to adapt and refine them based on your current reality, but with a bias toward your desired future. Are you living today like you want tomorrow to be?

W – WRITE

Now, on to the mighty pen or pencil, if you’re like me. While this may not seem the case, this step could be the most important. I recommend that you write down your renewed commitments and investments. Putting them on paper can make them more tangible and help you stay accountable. Let them serve as a manifesto to guide you as you move forward.

And that is what renewal is about in the end: Moving forward.

It is a time to acknowledge that the old is gone and a new day has begun. We press that reset button and refocus on where we are and where we are going.

This process can be an incredible teaching moment. It allows us to seize opportunities that we might otherwise miss.

The renewal process is also a spiritual quest for me. Did you know that the Bible references renewal at least 66 times? That’s where I started my renewal practice this year. Diving into the spiritual element of renewal. I found this to be a part of every faith practice I looked at. The process becomes even more transformative when we allow ourselves to plug into a source of power beyond ourselves.

Let’s choose to let go of the status quo and deepen our understanding of ourselves and what is most important. And then move forward into that life with a renewed sense of purpose and direction.

This simple, five-step process can help you do that and bring everything you seek into alignment.

“If you want to know,
life is the principle of self-renewal,
it is constantly renewing and remaking
and changing and transfiguring itself.”

~Boris Pasternak,
Russian poet, Nobel Prize for Literature
for his novel Doctor Zhivago

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