Many of us see the turning of a calendar page as a chance to begin anew. And, as a mark in time, it can be helpful, but the truth is that it takes more than just a date to experience true renewal.

That may be why so many of us end up disappointed pretty quickly as we venture into the new year to find that not much has changed. For that to happen, we need to do more. In fact, just about now is when we begin to feel those early pangs of what can quickly turn to regret.

But what is it we need to do? Do we need better goals? Perhaps a vision board? Those are tools in the same way our calendars can be, but they alone are still not going to bring the renewal that allows us to reclaim our best lives.

To do that, we need to take the time to immerse ourselves in the renewal process.

It is a practice we can all adopt and use at any time of year, but it can be especially helpful as we look ahead to what lies ahead as we move through life’s seasons.

What’s interesting is that when we take this approach, we find just as many things that need to end as any that need to begin.

Are you ready? Let’s get started.

R – REFLECT

Start by reflecting on where you are now. Look at your current commitments and investments of time, money, and energy. Take time to assess where you stand. Begin thinking about what may be missing or what may just be missing the mark.

E – EVALUATE

Now, we move on to evaluating the effectiveness and continued relevance of your existing commitments and investments. Are they aligned with what you want for yourself in this season of your life? Begin thinking about what you may need to let go of to make room for growth.

N – NURTURE

Ready for a brief pause? It’s time to consider that we may be disappointed with our results because we’ve failed to nurture our current goals and investments enough for them to deliver on their promise. Have you given the right amount of priority and care to what matters to you? At this point in the process, you begin to think about what resources you might need to shift or shore up to honor your priorities.

E – EVOLVE

With this step, we’re entering my favorite stage of the renewal process. Now, we open our hearts and minds to where we need to grow. Renewal is about growth. As you renew your commitments, be willing to adapt and refine them based on your current reality, but with a bias toward your desired future. Are you living today like you want tomorrow to be?

W – WRITE

Now, on to the mighty pen or pencil, if you’re like me. While this may not seem the case, this step could be the most important. I recommend that you write down your renewed commitments and investments. Putting them on paper can make them more tangible and help you stay accountable. Let them serve as a manifesto to guide you as you move forward.

And that is what renewal is about in the end: Moving forward.

It is a time to acknowledge that the old is gone and a new day has begun. We press that reset button and refocus on where we are and where we are going.

This process can be an incredible teaching moment. It allows us to seize opportunities that we might otherwise miss.

The renewal process is also a spiritual quest for me. Did you know that the Bible references renewal at least 66 times? That’s where I started my renewal practice this year. Diving into the spiritual element of renewal. I found this to be a part of every faith practice I looked at. The process becomes even more transformative when we allow ourselves to plug into a source of power beyond ourselves.

Let’s choose to let go of the status quo and deepen our understanding of ourselves and what is most important. And then move forward into that life with a renewed sense of purpose and direction.

This simple, five-step process can help you do that and bring everything you seek into alignment.

“If you want to know,
life is the principle of self-renewal,
it is constantly renewing and remaking
and changing and transfiguring itself.”

~Boris Pasternak,
Russian poet, Nobel Prize for Literature
for his novel Doctor Zhivago

The post Are you ready for what is next? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

This past week, I took the time to go through my refrigerator and check the dates on everything.  It’s something I do periodically, but I had been putting it off this time. Mainly because I already knew this was going to be one of those times where I would be facing something that I despise: Waste. 

There is nothing that will spark negative thoughts for me faster than seeing waste. Especially when the waste could have easily been avoided. Like with those groceries. It reminded me of how we all have such good intentions that, somehow, don’t come to fruition. Especially at this time of year. And right now is usually when we first start feeling those pangs of remorse.

I had great plans to eat salads every day. But then I didn’t. Now I have wasted food.

I had great plans to accelerate my weight loss. But since I chose other foods, now I have wasted time.

I had great plans to boost my energy by eating foods that would help. Since I didn’t, I have wasted time and potential.

Waste.

It’s why resolve became so important to me for this year. When we practice true resolve and do what we say we will do, we reduce our waste. We regain essentials like time and energy. And yes, even money.

But to have resolve, we must first make choices we can and will honor.

Which is another place that I am keenly aware of when it comes to waste.

Wasted belief and opportunity.

There is a phrase sometimes used in business negotiations that, when you stop and think about it, has a broader application. It speaks to the difference between what someone actually pays and how much they were willing to pay. It’s referred to as the seller perhaps leaving “money on the table” by underpricing or giving in to negotiation pressure. It comes down to how much was possible from the transaction vs. how much was realized.

Let’s think about this beyond just financial negotiations and look at how we negotiate with ourselves about our lives and work. Over the past few months, I have found myself asking: How much life am I leaving on the table? Is there a difference between how much life is possible vs. how much I am settling for?

In a word – Yes.

This is where we wander into the wasteland of lost opportunities.

As I thought about this, the first thing that came to mind was learning how to recognize when it is happening.  After all, how would we ever know?

Wisdom from Thomas Edison prompted this personal inquiry for me with this statement: “When you think you have exhausted all of the possibilities, remember this: You haven’t!”

I thought about all the factors that might create a limited perspective of what was possible.

There were five that kept coming up. Here they are:

• Limiting Beliefs
• Limiting Choices
• Limiting Circle
• Limiting Practices
• Limiting Purpose

There is no question that when we limit what we believe about ourselves and our possibilities, we are leaving life on the table. After all, if we don’t think it’s possible, we won’t even try.

And the idea of only an either/or limitation in choice has always befuddled me. I lean toward both, or more, rather than just allowing for one or the other. Since when did choices become mutually exclusive? One way of thinking about this is:  Why settle for A or H – why not choose both and create AHA! True creativity rejects choices that are limited. Just imagine if we had settled for red and blue and never discovered purple!

There is a belief often taught in personal development circles that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.  While there are nuances to that, there is a kernel of truth here. Our sphere of influence is so important. How can you expect to stay inspired and encouraged if no one you are in the trenches with shares your vision or ideals?

The idea of limiting practices is typically my nemesis. Wanting to attain something is good, and it’s a start, but wanting something isn’t what gets it done. Our daily practices make that happen. We think of this for our health without question. But it’s true in our work as well. What must happen every day or every week to move the needle forward?

When we limit what we are willing to do daily, we leave life on the table. As I heard recently, when we aren’t achieving what we want, it’s rarely a lack of knowledge or know-how. We know what to do. We just don’t seem to know how to get ourselves to do it consistently! Sound familiar?

Candidly, the last one on the list came first or second when I first started thinking about this, but as new ones came up, it kept getting pushed down. I’m giving that some thought, but for now, consider that if you don’t have an unfettered purpose, you are leaving so much on the table.

It speaks to belief but goes beyond it. This is where we think about 10X, 100X, or possibly 1000X factors for what we believe we can accomplish. Not for ourselves, but as an agent of change in the world. I may have to rethink where this one ranks on the list.

What do you want to be true 90 days from now in your life or work? At the end of 2026? By the end of this decade?

Consider these factors for yourself. Make sure you aren’t leaving any life on the table.

Don’t waste a single moment more. Claim it all for yourself, for those you love, and for all the generations to follow.

If you’re not certain which area is the best place for you to begin and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what has value and reimagine what’s possible, I can help. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to fully invest in now becomes part of the foundation for what’s possible next.

The post How much life are you leaving on the table? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

One of my favorite thought leaders on personal growth is Stephen Covey. He teaches that none of us is the product of our circumstances; we are all the product of our decisions. My life has certainly proven that to be true.

Each decision we make shapes us and our future, and ultimately, it can shape future generations as well.

The good news is that we each have the power to decide the direction of our lives because we first have the power to choose or even create our choices.

That’s why we keep listening and learning from many different sources. Each voice adds nuance to an idea that helps us distill its truth until it moves from words we simply read or hear to a truth we embrace and live by.

One of the most important skills we must continuously develop is our ability to decide. It sounds simple enough, yet it can trip up even the most confident of us at times. But those decisions are the fuel of everything in our lives. That’s why I am always looking for ways to create better choices so that I can make more informed decisions.

Too often, though, our nemesis is getting locked into the vortex of indecision. But at its core, it isn’t indecision at all. It’s a surrender of choice. That’s why we need to guard against it.

It is often said that we don’t truly appreciate something until we’ve lost it or at least faced the threat of losing it. That was certainly true for me many times over.

And at one point, that was my confidence in my ability to make good decisions.

I had taken my ability to make decisions for granted. It came easily to me. But then came those moments of insight when I had to face the fact that I had made some poor choices. That put me into a downward spiral, and my ability to make even the simplest of decisions was waning. I was second-guessing everything. I needed to restore that ease and confidence.

How did I do it? As with any skill, true confidence can only come from doing. I began to just decide, to make choices, small ones at first, and gradually bigger ones. The confidence came from returning to the knowledge that with each decision comes the continued opportunity to evaluate and adjust.

Over time, a pattern emerged that showed me where decisions were happening with greater ease and confidence. As they say, success leaves clues. In this case, a simple five-step process had emerged that worked every time.

Step 1 – DETERMINE the real question or need

This is essential. If we think we are making a decision about A, but the actual issue is B, something will be missed, and the decision will be made from a false narrative. By drilling down with questions and getting to the heart of the decision, all the distracting debris will fall away.

Step 2 – Allow (and limit) an appropriate amount of time and effort for DISCOVERY

Big seems little, and little seems big. When perspective gets out of kilter, we can tend to over-analyze everything. Be brutally honest with yourself about the impact of the decision and respond proportionally. One way to do that is to consider how long you will live with the consequences of the choice. It can be easy to forget that most things, including our choices, are temporary anyway. By setting limits on what we can discover about our choices in terms of time, effort, and other resources, we effectively contain the situation.

Insight: I also found a +3 rule invaluable. If I needed to make a decision, instead of leaving any of them between just two options, I would apply the +3 rule. If someone said to choose A or B, I would challenge myself to come up with C, D, and E. If there were three choices, I came up with six. Sometimes, the decision is tough because the right choice isn’t there. Instead of agonizing over which to choose, create the choice. Just do it within a process and time frame that doesn’t allow it to drift away from you.

Step 3 – Make a choice – DECIDE

When it’s all said and done, the skill can only develop through practice. For us to have confidence in our choices, we first have to make them. It’s really that simple. If we understand the situation and have an adequate array of choices, this step gets much easier.

Step 4 – The decision is only truly made when we take action. The fourth step is to ACT.

Non-action negates the decision. Implementation is the key to everything in life.

We can fully understand our needs, create truly innovative solutions, and make brilliant choices. But all of that will not accomplish anything if we don’t ultimately take action.

Step 5 – LOSE THE FEAR of the wrong choice and replace it with the power of turning regret into resolve.

Without question, though, the most powerful lesson for me was losing the fear of the wrong choice. Isn’t that what stands in our way more than anything? We don’t want to get it wrong, so we end up paralyzed. Once we accept that we’re going to get it wrong, most likely as many times as we get it right, and that within those “wrong choices” live the opportunity to grow, we stop being afraid and turn the pain of regret into the power of resolve.

From all this came the underlying lesson that how we handle the small things in life is the best predictor of how we manage the more significant things. If we aren’t making good choices during our day, it ultimately shows up as ineffective choices in our lives. Personal leadership and responsibility are the keys.

When we are in times of chaos and turmoil, and our trust in so much is under siege, it is critical that we remind ourselves every day that we never lose our ultimate power: the power of choice.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor E. Frankl

What about you?
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate the choices you are considering, I can help. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because every decision we make will only be as valuable as the choices we start from that become part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post The Myth of Indecision and the Power of Regret appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

A key lesson I have learned is that the easiest way to change how we respond to things or people we encounter is to have a system in place to guide us.

Frustration grows when it just seems like someone or something pushes our buttons every time. That trigger will continue to plague us until we change it. While it’s great when we can do that just by choosing to make that change, the reality is that it’s rarely that simple.

My experience has been that it really comes down to sleuthing, solving the mystery, evaluating vs. judging. You see, that’s where I found the real issue. We can get so busy judging ourselves for our reactions that we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to understand them. When we understand them, we are equipped to change them in a meaningful and sustainable way.

“What you give meaning to
is what causes your emotion.
Before you react, know why you are
giving something so much energy or fear.
When you begin to understand
why you give things meaning
you can begin to change how you react
and why you do what you do.” 
~Shannon L. Alder

There are five key investigation tools to use that will help you master the art of reaction every time. Using the word REACT, let’s break them down.

R – Recognition

This is the first step. Simply recognizing it’s happening and taking responsibility for it. Just by asking ourselves whether we are reacting, we start a valuable chain-reaction shift. We are taking responsibility for our side of the equation.

E – Emotion

Emotions are wonderful. They are such a part of what makes life such an exquisite experience. But they can also derail us when they are part of a triggered response. Once we can pinpoint the emotion involved, we can determine where the core response is and put in place productive measures to handle it. If the trigger brings up guilt as an example, that’s very different from fear in terms of next steps. But in both cases, it is the initial recognition of the emotion that will lead us to the next right questions.

A – Attitude

What did you expect? Where are your sensitivities? Many years ago, when I was really struggling to communicate with a fellow executive, I had a conversation with a trusted friend and mentor. He suggested that my sensitivities were high and that I was expecting a certain action, and so that is what I saw.  My attitude was a conditioning agent. I had to first be open to a positive exchange before one could happen.  Being candid with ourselves about our expectations and attitude toward a person or situation is a critical part of our excavation to our solution.

C – Context

This was perhaps the most important element for me in a number of situations. Has someone ever asked you what a word meant, and you weren’t certain, or there were several possibilities? What do you normally ask them to do? I suspect it might be to ask them to use it in a sentence to help you better understand what it might mean. The context of anything is the ultimate lens for deciphering its meaning. What else is going on? Is it related? Not related? Is it influencing?

T – Truth

What do you know to be true? This is an essential question because it allows us to get to the taproot of the situation quickly. When we take assumptions off the table, or at least recognize them for what they are, we’re clearing judgments and other potential mental or emotional clutter as we review our next steps.

R-E-A-C-T

RECOGNIZE what is happening;

Identify the dominant EMOTION;

Check your ATTITUDE coming into the situation;

Consider the CONTEXT of the situation; and,

Focus on what is TRUE.

That’s the process. That’s the system. Like anything regarding our personal framework, it’s also a skill. This can be your most effective system for productive personal change.

As a final note, remember that as we change ourselves, we also create the opportunity to change other people’s perspective of us. That’s especially true for those where we have influence, but it’s also not limited to those.

When we employ this skill, we can inspire others to do the same. It creates a CHAIN REACTION that’s positive and constructive.

What about you?
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what has value and re-imagine what’s next, just hit reply. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to respond to and how we respond becomes part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post What would you do? Setting the right response in motion appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Recently, I have found my focus shifting more strategically to what is next as I consider plans and priorities.

Perhaps you find yourself here as well.

A productive practice to consider is integrating what I call the other question into our thought processes. I’m always intrigued by inverse statements and questions. There is always another one there.

What we are considering is a fundamental practice for experiencing the full range of possibility thinking. We must be able to consider every side of our choices.

In my work as a strategist over the years, this has proven to be what makes the difference between goals and objectives that are reached with greater ease and those that create struggle or even get lost along the way.

There is always another question to consider. The other question is also what quite often delivers us the more significant return.

Questions that drive insight are the ones that move us forward.

Here are three to consider that will help you develop a possibilitarian point of view that leads to creative resilience:

#1 – What is the real change I want to achieve?

Know your true objective. Keep asking until you find it. There are several schools of thought on how many layers of questions to ask. For each answer, you ask why that is important. My experience has taught me that we get to the true answer somewhere between questions five and seven.

I want to achieve X.  Why? Because XX.

Why do you want XX? Because XXX.

Why do you want XXX? Because XXXX.

Why do you want XXXX?

Because V!

You cannot stay on track if you don’t know where you really want to go. We want to get to the core value being served by taking on the work. I recently went through this practice again to reflect on my values around health. It’s the most powerful exercise we can do to get to the truth about what we want to achieve. Note that this exercise sometimes helps us identify what we shouldn’t keep trying to accomplish because our underlying reason isn’t of real value. But in most cases, we get to our true motivation.

The more you practice this, the faster you will reach your core value. Resiliency is a natural result when we keep our core values at the forefront, because we do not look at a circumstance in isolation. We examine everything against what matters most in our lives and work.

#2 – What options am I avoiding?

This is crucial because, quite often, what we refuse to consider is our best choice. We all have non-negotiable positions. That’s not what this is about. It’s about what we might be afraid to try or think isn’t possible for us. It’s about removing limitations and not compromising boundaries. When we practice a resilient lifestyle, how we perceive things will change, and what we never considered before can move front and center.

It’s also about tackling resistance head-on.

What is important is that we exhaust every possibility without limiting ourselves to probabilities or what we think we want to do.

#3 – What am I missing?

Where are the blind spots? What aren’t we considering that needs to be addressed? What are the risks? If you know them, you can mitigate them from the start, or at a minimum, have a plan in place to address them should they arise.

If you do not know the risks, you have not fully defined what you want. If this is a challenging area for you, start with your assumptions. Your risks will be in your assumptions. What are you assuming to be true? What if it is not? What are you assuming is not true? What if it is?

One of the many gifts I received from my iPEC family, where I studied for my Executive Life Coach certification, was a very special stone. I’ve had it for many years, and it stays with me as a talisman when I’m thinking through something challenging.

The word problem has been engraved on one side, covering the entire surface. On the other side is the word solution. The solution resides within the problem itself. We must examine it from all sides to find it, but it is there. The other question is what will take us to the other side.

What about you? Are you also looking at something in your work or life and wondering if there is another question that you need to ask? Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s worth asking when you’re standing too close to it.
 
That’s where I can help.
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what still has value and re-imagine what’s next, just hit reply. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to question becomes part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post Resilience: Asking the other question… appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

I’ve always loved television shows that take “lost cause” houses and buildings and bring them back to life. Sometimes they’re centuries-old crumbling castles in Europe or forgotten cottages in random places, but recently I came across one set closer to home, in Detroit.
 
The design team behind it isn’t just restoring homes. They’re rebuilding hope, one block at a time. Many of the houses they rescued were already slated for demolition. Yet, where others saw ruin, they saw potential.

They moved in with flashlights, Coleman stoves, and blow-up mattresses to live amid the dust and debris until the work was done. That’s what belief looks like in action.
 
What struck me most wasn’t just their craftsmanship but the community that formed around them. Neighbors stopped by to cheer them on, thank them, and even bring them meals.

It reminded me that restoration, whether of a house, a street, or a life, is never just about fixing what’s broken. It’s about seeing what’s still possible. And we rarely do it alone.
 
That’s when the question changed for me.

Not just “Is this worth saving?”

But “How can I save this?” 

That’s a powerful question to bring to almost anything, be it a house, a business, a marriage, a friendship, or something else. It’s where transformation begins by choosing to believe that there’s still something worth redeeming.
 
And that question stayed with me.

Because, as it turns out, it’s not only our homes or relationships that call for saving. Sometimes, it’s our work.
 
As a writer, my words have accumulated over the years like boxes in an attic. In fact, I’ve been writing a newsletter every week now since July of 2015. Over ten years of words just from my newsletter alone. Not everything is worth keeping, even newsletters. However, some hold insights or earned wisdom that deserve to be seen again.
 
So, I decided to start sorting through my old newsletters and posts, asking myself, “Is this worth saving?” The question quickly changed to this one: “Is this worth reading again?” 

To my surprise, the answer was yes, more often than I expected.

So, like those designers in Detroit, I’m rolling up my sleeves to do a little restoration of my own. Dusting off what time has covered, strengthening what still stands, and bringing back a few stories that might still have something meaningful to offer.
 
One of those pieces was written in July of 2017 and serves as a reminder of how easily frustration can pull us away from our best selves, and how a simple shift in perspective can bring us back.

What do you mean, I’m not me?

(Originally published on July 18, 2017)
 
What frustrates you? Pushes your buttons? Makes you less than your best? 

For me, it’s often something involving processes and rules that seem to create more trouble than they’re worth.
 
Having spent much of my professional life defining and reviewing systems, I have a natural sensitivity, maybe even an overreaction, when a process doesn’t work.
 
It happened one week when I tried to cancel an account. A simple task, I thought. Go online, fill out the form, done. Except that it wasn’t. The system didn’t recognize me. The information I entered didn’t match their records.
 
My first instinct? The system was wrong. Then, someone else must have made an error. But since I had set up the account myself, that “someone” could only be me. Still, I was certain I hadn’t made a mistake. Surely I knew who I was!
 
After several emails and phone calls, I finally reached the “special” customer service group – those brave souls who help customers on the verge of meltdown. Patiently, they walked me through the process again.

Then came the dreaded question:
 
“What are the last four digits of your Social Security number?” 

I answered confidently, only to hear the same, dreaded reply:
 
“I’m sorry, ma’am, that doesn’t match what we have on file.” 

By then, frustration had turned to indignant disbelief.

But the representative remained calm and kind. She reassured me that if I would simply resubmit the form, she was sure we could straighten it out. I resisted. I was not filling out another form.

But her professionalism and patience finally cut through the fog of my irritation.
 
And that’s when I saw it.

The problem wasn’t their system. It was me.
 
In that moment of humility, I asked a quieter question:
 
“Could the number on file be my company ID instead of my personal one?”

I then provided the other number.
 
Her voice lifted with relief as she confirmed it. Confetti might as well have fallen from the ceiling. We had a match!
 
When I’d opened the account years earlier under my company name, I’d used the business’s identification number instead of my personal one. The system had been protecting me all along. It wasn’t broken. I was giving it the wrong information. 
 
That moment of self-awareness reminded me how quickly assumptions and judgments can blur our vision.

When we lead with the desire to understand rather than assigning blame, everyone wins.
 
When we focus on solving the problem, everyone wins.

And in the quiet of our mind, when we search for it, the answer will always show up if we’re willing to see it.

Closing thoughts

We live in a world that constantly urges us to move on, upgrade, and replace. Yet sometimes what needs our attention isn’t something new, it’s something familiar that’s waiting to be seen in a new way.
 
That’s what this season feels like to me. A time for discernment. To not just ask “What’s next?” but “What’s worth keeping?” Not everything will make the cut, but what does will be stronger for having been tested by time. One of my new favorite gems is the wisdom that what is made by time endures beyond it.
 
As I sort through years of writing, I’m realizing this isn’t just about saving words. It’s about honoring the ideas that still have something to give. The ones that remind us who we were when we wrote them and invite us to become more of who we are now.

I hope today’s offering from the archives resonates with you as it did with me when I rediscovered it.
 
I’ll be bringing more stories back restored, refreshed, and hopefully resonant for where we all find ourselves today. Because in times like these, when change feels both constant and confusing, it’s the things worth saving that can help us stay grounded in what matters most.
 
What about you? Are you also looking at something in your work or life and wondering if it’s time to rebuild, renew, or release? Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s worth saving when you’re standing too close to it.
 
That’s where I can help.
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to restore what still has value and re-imagine what’s next, just hit reply. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to save becomes part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post Is this worth saving? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Over the course of my life, one thing I have learned is that the doorway to what is next doesn’t always, or even very often, swing open on its own. Those automatic doors we’ve become accustomed to in everyday life simply don’t exist when it comes to navigating a life built with intention.
 
Most doors stay closed until we find the courage to turn the key that will open them.
 
We’ve looked at this before, but it remains one of the most essential parts of possibility and what it means to be a possibilitarian. Before possibility becomes a choice, it begins as an opening. A door. A direction we are willing to explore, even before we know where it leads. But how do you do that?
 
Emily Dickinson wrote, “I dwell in Possibility—” and each time I return to those words, I’m reminded that dwelling is not passive. You do not wander into possibility by accident. You choose it. You inhabit it. You arrange your inner life in a way that reflects what you want to be true.
 
Dwelling in possibility is an embodied act, and embodiment is how resolve becomes lived. It is not simply gathering inspiration or imagining what could be; it is learning to live from what you know (and have resolved) matters.
 
Embodiment is the moment possibility stops being an idea we admire and becomes a place we live.
 
When we dwell there, the doors are always available to us.
 
And this is really where resolve takes center stage. Resolve is the framework that enables embodiment. Resolve sustains the dwelling. Resolve keeps the door within reach, even when fear or doubt tells us to turn back.

EMBODIMENT — The Final Piece of the Resolve Puzzle

This last part of our RESOLVE series is all about embodiment: the lived experience of aligning who you are, what you believe, and how you move through the world.

While we often think of resolve as grit or determination, the kind of resolve that helps us embody and dwell in possibility is steadier and more internal.
 
Embodiment is what happens when what we say we value is continuously reflected in what we do.
 
It asks questions like: 

• What do I want to be true in my life?
• Where am I willing to hold myself accountable?
• How will I show up when circumstances shift or stretch me?

This is not the resolve of pushing through. It’s the resolve of showing up as your chosen and truest self.

To embody possibility means: 

• You stop waiting for clarity and start creating it.

Embodiment reminds you that clarity comes from movement.
From trying. From taking the next step, even if it’s small.

• You move values from the page into your practice.

It’s one thing to write down your values.
It’s another thing entirely to live them consistently and visibly.
Where values become behavior is where embodiment begins. 

• You choose who you want to be before the moment demands it.

Resolve means you make this decision now—
not when stress hits,
not when fear arises,
not when uncertainty shows up.

When the moment arrives, you’re not scrambling to respond.
You’re simply living out what you’ve already chosen. 

• You live as if the possibility you want already assumes you’re coming.

Not faking it.
Not forcing it.

Just stepping into your life with the quiet confidence that says: I belong in the places I’m moving toward.
 
This is the heart-shaped key that unlocks everything else.

I dwell in Possibility — A House Built of Choice

Embodiment is not only the last piece of the resolve puzzle, but also the heart of it. It is, in many ways, the truest expression of what resolve really means.

Without resolve, possibility remains conceptual—beautiful and inspiring, yes, but ultimately unreachable.

With resolve, possibility becomes a place to live from… not just dream about.

Resolve is also where we find grace within possibility. We won’t always stay aligned. We drift. We forget. Life gets loud.

But with embodied resolve, we can always find our way back to our center.

That return and our recommitment are where growth happens.

Reflections

• Where am I standing at a threshold but not yet turning the key?
• What would it look like to embody the possibility I say I want?
• What choice have I postponed that my future self is already asking for?
• What does embodying possibility look like in my next choices?

As we wrap up the RESOLVE series, I want to leave you with this reminder:

Possibility never arrives fully formed.
Your next chapter is not something you have to earn. 
You just need to enter it.

The key is already in your hand.
And you are ready.

• Reality — Where am I now? Where do I dwell by default?
• Expectation — Do I expect possibility or prepare for limitation?
• Structure — What supports help me stay in a possibilitarian posture?
• Ownership — Do I claim my agency in shaping the future?
• Learning — Possibility expands as we grow.
• Values — Possibility expresses what matters most.
• Embodiment — The culmination: living as someone who dwells in possibility.

An Invitation

If you are navigating your own moment of recalibration as you explore who you are becoming next and want support, clarity, or partnership in that process, I can help.

This is the work I help founders, solopreneurs, and possibility-seekers do every day.

We can explore together what matters now and what will take you into your next season of life, work, or both.

The post The Key to Dwelling in Possibility appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome back to our series on RESOLVE, where we are examining how we can best ensure we honor who we’re becoming and serve the purpose that’s calling to us now.

Every season of growth begins with two things: what we learn and what we value. Learning shapes how we rise. Values shape where we’re headed.
 
When these two forces meet, our resolve doesn’t just strengthen, it takes root. It becomes something living, something steady, something we can grow from.
 
That’s why in this next segment in the RESOLVE series, we’re turning our attention to Learning and Values — the inner architecture of every promise we make and every commitment we keep.
 
If structure and ownership built the bridge from “I can” to “I will,” then learning and values are what make that bridge worth crossing.

LEARNING — The Engine that Powers Resolve

Learning has always been the driving force behind every chapter of my life.

It’s the reason resilience feels possible.
It’s why I don’t fear change.
It’s why I believe in next steps, even when I can’t see the entire path.
 
Years ago, I began teaching the concept of ROL — Return on Learning.

We often talk about ROI (Return on Investment) from a monetary standpoint, but learning pays dividends that actually shape our future.
 
Because when we learn:  

• We grow capacity
• We expand possibilities
• We refine judgment
• We build resilience
• We strengthen self-trust

Learning is the root system beneath resolve. It’s what lets us say:
 
“I trust myself to figure this out.”
 
Not because we’ve mastered everything, but because we’ve mastered the art of learning.
 
Resilience isn’t about standing firm. It’s about knowing you can adjust.
 
When resolve falters, learning restores it.
When resolve hesitates, learning strengthens it.
When resolve is challenged, learning becomes its lifeline.
 
This is why I anchor so much of my personal philosophy in three verbs:
 
Learn.
Live.
Lead.
 
You cannot live differently until you learn differently.
You cannot lead differently until you live differently.

Learning is the first hinge, the point where insight becomes action.
It’s also the invitation.
 
It’s what strengthens us, steadies us, and prepares us. We don’t rely on resolve because we already know everything. We rely on resolve because we trust our ability to learn whatever is needed for what comes next.

VALUES — The Truth That Steadies Resolve

If learning is what adapts our resolve, values are what anchor it.

This is where so many value frameworks fall short: their neat boxes, their lists, the words we’re asked to circle, as if identity is a vocabulary exercise.

Values aren’t boxes.
Values aren’t lists.
Values aren’t slogans.
Values are lived truths.

They are the non-negotiable boundaries that shape the way we move through the world.

I wrote a series of articles on Substack that broke down the word FACTOR as it related to POSSIBILITY. The second article dealt with our FOUNDATION, which is where we find our values. You can access the full article via the link to learn more about not only values but also other aspects of our FOUNDATION. 

The key thing to remember about values is that they are the architecture of identity.

When aligned with our values, resolve becomes powerful, joyful, and sustainable. When misaligned, resolve becomes resistance, heavy, forced, obligated.

Values guide:

• What we pursue
• What we release
• Where we invest our energy
• How we define success

They tell us what matters most and what doesn’t matter at all.

They bring resolve back home to meaning and to the reasons that make the work worthwhile.

They ask: 

• “Is this who you really are and want to be?”
• “Is this aligned with what you believe?”
• “Is this worthy of your effort?”

They bring resolve back home to meaning.

Reflections

Reflections on Learning

• What have I learned that strengthened my resolve?
• Where has learning revealed a better path?
• What do I need to learn now to move from “I can” to “I will”?

Reflections on Values

• Which value has shaped my choices most?
• Where is my resolve misaligned with what I truly value?
• What matters so deeply to me that it deserves my follow-through?

The Bridge Continues

Every new chapter asks something different of us, but learning and values make sure we never show up empty-handed.

Learning keeps resolve flexible.
Values keep resolve true.

Together, they ensure that the promises we make are promises worth keeping — and that our resolve evolves with us, rather than against us.
 
Because resolve is not about rigidity, it’s about a relationship.
A living agreement between who we are…and who we are becoming.
 
In our next segment, we’ll move into the final piece of the RESOLVE framework: Embodiment.
 
We will be talking about what happens when resolve becomes not just something we choose but something we live, and how it becomes an incredible framework for following Emily Dickinson’s example of dwelling in possibility.

An Invitation

If you’re navigating your own moment of recalibration as you are exploring who you’re becoming next, this is the work I help founders, solopreneurs, and possibility-seekers do every day.

Let’s explore what you’re building now to take you into your next.

The post Learning & Values: What Holds Us Steady When Life Shifts appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

When we move through a transition, whether in our life, our work, or the deeper spaces where identity shifts, it’s natural to wonder if we’re navigating it well. If we’re honoring who we’re becoming. If we’re serving the purpose that’s calling to us now.
 
Last year was that time for me, and it became a sabbatical, a season of prayer and listening, and a time of recalibration. 

My writing gave me a place to think out loud, to explore what’s unfolding, and to clarify where I’m being led. That clarity and a new path emerged because I finally gave myself the space to see them.
 
My work is evolving into helping small business founders and solopreneurs build lives and businesses that honor who they are and what they value. It’s writing stories that matter and creating frameworks that help people choose with clarity and lead with intention.

And it’s about my own growth too, living inside the tension and the beauty of my own becoming.
 
Which is why I’m spending this season thinking so deeply about RESOLVE and why it matters so much for the future we’re creating.
 
In my last post, we talked about the moment resolve becomes real and the shift from “I can” to “I will.”

As a reminder, this is the overall framework we are exploring together:
 
The Framework of RESOLVE
 
R – Reality 
Begin with truth. See where you actually are before deciding where to go.

E – Expectation 
Set clear, honest standards for what “true” and “done” look like.

S – Structure 
Build the supports that make resolve sustainable.

O – Ownership
Take responsibility for choices, results, and adjustments.

L – Learning 
Learn what you need to know—and notice what helps or hinders your follow-through.

V – Values
Let your priorities reflect what truly matters.

E – Embodiment
Live your promises until they become who you are.
 
Now we’re moving to the following two parts of our framework: Structure and Ownership.
 
Because wanting something, even wanting it deeply, doesn’t make it happen.

The third facet of resolve (To remain steadfast in what you’ve chosen)  lives in the gap between desire and follow-through, and the only way across that gap is to build a bridge strong enough to carry your intentions into action.
 
That bridge is our next exploration:
 
Structure and Ownership
 
And just like any real bridge, it requires design, support, and your willingness to take the first step.

Together, those parts of our framework turn your promises into the promises you keep.
 
STRUCTURE: The Support That Makes Resolve Sustainable

We’ve all been told that willpower is the secret to success. But willpower is unreliable. It’s emotional. It fluctuates. It depends on how much sleep you got or what crisis arrived in your inbox.
 
Structure is different.
Structure is steady.

Structure protects your resolve from the exhaustion of constant decision-making.
 
James Clear said it best:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals.
You fall to the level of your systems.”

— James Clear, Atomic Habits

 Resolve collapses when we rely solely on willpower.

But when we build routines, boundaries, supports, and rhythms that hold our intentions in place, resolve becomes sustainable.
 
Benjamin Hardy takes it even further: 

“You don’t get what you want —
You get what you design for.”

— Benjamin Hardy, Willpower Doesn’t Work 

Design beats desire every time.
 
Structure is how we design our lives around the promises that matter.
 
It’s not restrictive.
It’s liberating.

It frees your willpower from having to carry the entire load.
 
Reflection:

What structure do I need to support what I’ve said I want?

What would make follow-through easier instead of harder?
 
Structure gives your resolve something solid to stand on, but structure alone can’t move you forward. That’s where our second segment comes into play.

For that, you need ownership.

Structure supports the bridge, but ownership is what compels you to cross it. 

OWNERSHIP — Where Resolve Becomes Identity

If structure gives resolve stability, ownership gives it strength.
 
And ownership isn’t a switch we flip. It’s a puzzle we assemble over time.
 
Each choice we make, each habit we reinforce, each moment we stop outsourcing blame  – these become the pieces that fit together and reveal the shape of the future we’re creating.
 
In other words, ownership isn’t a single “yes,” or even a single “no.” It’s the ongoing practice of aligning one piece after another with who we say we want to become.

In his book, The Power of No, James Altucher wrote:
 
“Each day you choose your future, or you choose your past.”
 
That’s ownership at its core.
 
It’s not about perfection or force.
It’s not about guilt or pressure.

It’s about self-leadership and staying conscious of the choices you make and those you avoid.
 
It’s about noticing the pieces that no longer fit.

The patterns that no longer align.
The excuses that erode trust.

And, perhaps most importantly, fully owning the reality that every time you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to something else.
 
When we treat ownership as a puzzle instead of a once-and-done contract, something powerful happens. We stop expecting ourselves to be perfect and start expecting ourselves to be honest. We build trust with ourselves piece by piece. Not because the path is flawless, but because our direction is true.
 
Reflection:

What pieces of my own leadership am I willing to pick up today?

Where am I avoiding responsibility, and what would it look like to take that piece back into my hands?
 
Ownership is this daily agreement you make with yourself:

“I am responsible for the life I’m creating.”
 
Not in a heavy, punishing way, but in a liberating one. Because when you take ownership, you no longer wait for conditions to be perfect, for motivation to strike, or for circumstances to shift in your favor.
 
You stop negotiating with your future and start participating in it. And piece by piece, your actions begin to reflect your intentions.

That’s the moment resolve becomes identity.
 
Continue to Build the Bridge
 
Structure builds a path.
Ownership gives you the strength to walk it.
 
Together, they turn “I can” into “I will.”
 
They create the bridge between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.
 
The more we keep our promises to ourselves, the more we begin to believe that what we decide can become what we do. And once that happens, everything changes.

An Invitation
 
If you’re ready to build your own bridge from intention to follow-through in your work, your goals, your business, or your next chapter, this is the work I do with founders, solopreneurs, and those stepping into a new season with purpose.
 
If you want support, clarity, or partnership in that process, reach out.

Let’s explore what you’re building now and what it’s making possible for your next chapter.

The post How to Build the Bridge Between “I Can” and “I Will” appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about resolve. Not the word we toss around at the start of a new year, but the deeper kind that sits behind every promise we make. Especially the promises we make to ourselves.
 
Resolve isn’t about willpower. It’s about trust.

Brené Brown teaches that trust is built in the smallest moments — the choices we make each day that prove we can be counted on. Stephen M.R. Covey calls it the ultimate currency because when trust goes up, speed goes up, and friction goes down. And Mel Robbins reminds us that sometimes it’s as simple — and as powerful — as not hitting the snooze button. Because every time we do, we start the day with a broken promise.
 
So I’m exploring what it really means to live our resolve — not as a resolution, but as a relationship with ourselves.
 
Which brings me to our starting point.
 
There’s nothing like a good reality check. They are rarely fun, although sometimes we can be surprised with unforeseen good news. But they are the backbone of anything meaningful. 

Where we are matters far more than we often realize. Sometimes, we’re in a completely different place than we imagined. So whenever I start thinking about where I want to go next or who I want to become, I know I have to start with the truth about who and where I am now.
 
When I sit down for my own audits, I often find surprises, things I’ve made more progress on than I realized, and others where I’ve been stuck. Both are valuable. Both tell the truth.
 
This thought always takes me back to those signs in the malls or other public places where you are trying to find a store, a departure gate, or any place within a place. There’s somewhere you want to go. But until you find where you are, you have no idea how to find your way there. Those are also a good reminder that our next landing point could be much closer than we think.
 
So that’s where I found myself these past weeks. Time for the reality check of where I’m at in relation to where I planned to be. It’s not about imagining or believing anymore. It’s truly about NOW, which was my guidance word for 2025.

So where am I NOW?
 
As expected, in some areas, I’m farther along than I imagined I would be. In others, that’s not the case. We have to break it all down and consider each facet of our life and work to get the whole picture.

I think in terms of these quadrants: Health, Work, Wealth, and Relationships.

You can break it out further, but those are the big ones for me.

Many people use what’s called a “wheel of life” with eight or more categories that include things like learning, spirituality, creativity, or fun. I see those a little differently. For me, spirituality isn’t a single section of life; it’s the undercurrent of all of them.

The same is true of creativity and joy (or fun). They’re not boxes to check, but threads that run through everything. They’re part of the spirit we bring to each area, not something that stands apart.

When I look through the four lenses of health, work, wealth, and relationships, I can see how those deeper threads of spirituality, creativity, and joy show up in different ways, and that’s where I begin to notice what’s thriving, what’s missing, and what’s ready for attention.

Then I take each area and examine what it is I said I wanted to be true by the end of the year. For some things, there isn’t a finish line, but this exercise is about those things where I had a more defined objective.

Where am I in each of those?
 
The next question is this one: Did you leave anything unfinished?
 
If it’s all completed, the next question is clearly what’s next in that area.
 
But if there’s something still unfinished, that is followed by these three questions:

Why didn’t this happen?
Did it make a difference that it didn’t happen?
Does it still matter to me?
 
I start there.
 
Here’s an example from my life in 2025 for my work:
 
I set a goal to have two books published by the end of 2025.

Did my books get finished? No.
Why not? Because I didn’t prioritize them.
Does it make a difference? Yes. They are the foundation of what I’m doing.
Does it still matter? Yes

Let’s pause here a moment to talk about why these questions matter. So often, we start with the idea of doing something “if we can.” 

But that’s not going to be our best approach. That’s where changing one word makes all the difference.
 
If I can is really If I will.
 
Because, let’s be honest. We can. But that doesn’t mean we will. It’s such an important thing to remember.
 
It was time for me to shift from “If I can” to “If I will” thinking.

When I decide that I will, that’s resolve.
 

As I explored this complex yet ultimately simple word further, I realized that my history with the word ‘resolve’ has traveled through three seasons.
 
First, as a way to fix problems; then, as a way to face regret; and now, as a way to stay steady in commitment.
 
For the first one, it meant: Is it working again?

That’s the practical side of resolve – the one that restores movement. It doesn’t dwell on the problem; it restores the process. Resolution as repair.
 
Later in life, I came to know resolve through another lens, one tied to regret.

Because when regret visits, the best response isn’t denial. It’s resolve. To see what we wish we’d done differently and decide not to repeat it.
 
Resolve becomes the bridge between reflection and redemption and the promise that even our missteps can teach us how to move forward more wisely.
 
And now, I see resolve in perhaps its truest form. Not as something to fix or to atone for, but as something to stand in.

It’s no longer about solving or correcting; it’s about being sure.

A position.
A decision.
A commitment.
 
Those are the three facets of resolve:  

• To repair what’s broken,
• To redeem what’s been regretted, and
• To remain steadfast in what you’ve chosen.

Each one carries us forward in its own way.

Together, they form a progression from motion to meaning to mastery.

Because once we learn how to repair, redeem, and remain, we’re not just keeping promises anymore, we’re becoming the kind of person who can be trusted to keep them.

What does this look like overall, then?

This is why I love the power of words and how we can use them to define themselves through the use of acronyms. I use them often, and for RESOLVE, it’s more than just a list of words; it is, in fact, a true framework to follow.
 
The Framework of RESOLVE
 
Here’s the framework we will explore. Think of it as a map for keeping promises that matter:
 
R – Reality 

Begin with truth. See where you actually are before deciding where to go.

E – Expectation 

Set clear, honest standards for what “true” and “done” look like.

S – Structure 

Build the supports that make resolve sustainable.

O – Ownership 

Take responsibility for choices, results, and adjustments.

L – Learning 

Learn what you need to know and notice what strengthens or hinders your follow-through.

V – Values 

Let your actions reflect your priorities and align with what truly matters.

E – Embodiment 

Live your promises until they become who you are.
 
Let’s start where every kind of trust begins — with Reality and Expectation.

Reality: Begin with Truth

Resolve can’t grow in denial.

It begins with the courage to see things as they are — without judgment or spin. This isn’t about a scorecard or self-critique; it’s simply about knowing where you’re standing before you choose where to step.

Ask yourself: 

• What’s true right now — about my health, my work, my relationships, my focus?
• What am I pretending not to notice?

Reality gives resolve something solid to stand on.

Expectation: Define What’s Worth Promising

We often make promises we don’t intend to keep — not out of deceit, but because our expectations are vague.

Resolve requires clarity. It’s the ability to say, “This is what I will do, and this is what that looks like.”

When expectations are clear, trust can grow.

When they’re not, we live in a state of negotiation with ourselves, and that’s exhausting.

Ask yourself: 

• What outcome am I truly committing to — and why does it matter?
• What promise, if kept, would rebuild my confidence in myself?

The more we keep our promises to ourselves, the more we begin to believe that what we decide can become what we do. And once that happens, everything changes.

Next, we’ll look at how to protect that resolve through Structure and Ownership so the promises we make have the support they need to last.

Until then, keep paying attention to the small moments.

That’s where trust and transformation always begin.

And if you’re ready to get started with your own reality check and want a partner, let me know. I can help.

The post The One Word That Changes Everything appeared first on Kathi Laughman.