I’ve been thinking a lot lately about resolve. Not the word we toss around at the start of a new year, but the deeper kind that sits behind every promise we make. Especially the promises we make to ourselves.
Resolve isn’t about willpower. It’s about trust.
Brené Brown teaches that trust is built in the smallest moments — the choices we make each day that prove we can be counted on. Stephen M.R. Covey calls it the ultimate currency because when trust goes up, speed goes up, and friction goes down. And Mel Robbins reminds us that sometimes it’s as simple — and as powerful — as not hitting the snooze button. Because every time we do, we start the day with a broken promise.
So I’m exploring what it really means to live our resolve — not as a resolution, but as a relationship with ourselves.
Which brings me to our starting point.
There’s nothing like a good reality check. They are rarely fun, although sometimes we can be surprised with unforeseen good news. But they are the backbone of anything meaningful.
Where we are matters far more than we often realize. Sometimes, we’re in a completely different place than we imagined. So whenever I start thinking about where I want to go next or who I want to become, I know I have to start with the truth about who and where I am now.
When I sit down for my own audits, I often find surprises, things I’ve made more progress on than I realized, and others where I’ve been stuck. Both are valuable. Both tell the truth.
This thought always takes me back to those signs in the malls or other public places where you are trying to find a store, a departure gate, or any place within a place. There’s somewhere you want to go. But until you find where you are, you have no idea how to find your way there. Those are also a good reminder that our next landing point could be much closer than we think.
So that’s where I found myself these past weeks. Time for the reality check of where I’m at in relation to where I planned to be. It’s not about imagining or believing anymore. It’s truly about NOW, which was my guidance word for 2025.
So where am I NOW?
As expected, in some areas, I’m farther along than I imagined I would be. In others, that’s not the case. We have to break it all down and consider each facet of our life and work to get the whole picture.
I think in terms of these quadrants: Health, Work, Wealth, and Relationships.
You can break it out further, but those are the big ones for me.
Many people use what’s called a “wheel of life” with eight or more categories that include things like learning, spirituality, creativity, or fun. I see those a little differently. For me, spirituality isn’t a single section of life; it’s the undercurrent of all of them.
The same is true of creativity and joy (or fun). They’re not boxes to check, but threads that run through everything. They’re part of the spirit we bring to each area, not something that stands apart.
When I look through the four lenses of health, work, wealth, and relationships, I can see how those deeper threads of spirituality, creativity, and joy show up in different ways, and that’s where I begin to notice what’s thriving, what’s missing, and what’s ready for attention.
Then I take each area and examine what it is I said I wanted to be true by the end of the year. For some things, there isn’t a finish line, but this exercise is about those things where I had a more defined objective.
Where am I in each of those?
The next question is this one: Did you leave anything unfinished?
If it’s all completed, the next question is clearly what’s next in that area.
But if there’s something still unfinished, that is followed by these three questions:
Why didn’t this happen?
Did it make a difference that it didn’t happen?
Does it still matter to me?
I start there.
Here’s an example from my life in 2025 for my work:
I set a goal to have two books published by the end of 2025.
Did my books get finished? No.
Why not? Because I didn’t prioritize them.
Does it make a difference? Yes. They are the foundation of what I’m doing.
Does it still matter? Yes
Let’s pause here a moment to talk about why these questions matter. So often, we start with the idea of doing something “if we can.”
But that’s not going to be our best approach. That’s where changing one word makes all the difference.
If I can is really If I will.
Because, let’s be honest. We can. But that doesn’t mean we will. It’s such an important thing to remember.
It was time for me to shift from “If I can” to “If I will” thinking.
When I decide that I will, that’s resolve.
As I explored this complex yet ultimately simple word further, I realized that my history with the word ‘resolve’ has traveled through three seasons.
First, as a way to fix problems; then, as a way to face regret; and now, as a way to stay steady in commitment.
For the first one, it meant: Is it working again?
That’s the practical side of resolve – the one that restores movement. It doesn’t dwell on the problem; it restores the process. Resolution as repair.
Later in life, I came to know resolve through another lens, one tied to regret.
Because when regret visits, the best response isn’t denial. It’s resolve. To see what we wish we’d done differently and decide not to repeat it.
Resolve becomes the bridge between reflection and redemption and the promise that even our missteps can teach us how to move forward more wisely.
And now, I see resolve in perhaps its truest form. Not as something to fix or to atone for, but as something to stand in.
It’s no longer about solving or correcting; it’s about being sure.
A position.
A decision.
A commitment.
Those are the three facets of resolve:
- To repair what’s broken,
- To redeem what’s been regretted, and
- To remain steadfast in what you’ve chosen.
Each one carries us forward in its own way.
Together, they form a progression from motion to meaning to mastery.
Because once we learn how to repair, redeem, and remain, we’re not just keeping promises anymore, we’re becoming the kind of person who can be trusted to keep them.
What does this look like overall, then?
This is why I love the power of words and how we can use them to define themselves through the use of acronyms. I use them often, and for RESOLVE, it’s more than just a list of words; it is, in fact, a true framework to follow.
The Framework of RESOLVE
Here’s the framework we will explore. Think of it as a map for keeping promises that matter:
R – Reality
Begin with truth. See where you actually are before deciding where to go.
E – Expectation
Set clear, honest standards for what “true” and “done” look like.
S – Structure
Build the supports that make resolve sustainable.
O – Ownership
Take responsibility for choices, results, and adjustments.
L – Learning
Learn what you need to know and notice what strengthens or hinders your follow-through.
V – Values
Let your actions reflect your priorities and align with what truly matters.
E – Embodiment
Live your promises until they become who you are.
Let’s start where every kind of trust begins — with Reality and Expectation.
Reality: Begin with Truth
Resolve can’t grow in denial.
It begins with the courage to see things as they are — without judgment or spin. This isn’t about a scorecard or self-critique; it’s simply about knowing where you’re standing before you choose where to step.
Ask yourself:
- What’s true right now — about my health, my work, my relationships, my focus?
- What am I pretending not to notice?
Reality gives resolve something solid to stand on.
Expectation: Define What’s Worth Promising
We often make promises we don’t intend to keep — not out of deceit, but because our expectations are vague.
Resolve requires clarity. It’s the ability to say, “This is what I will do, and this is what that looks like.”
When expectations are clear, trust can grow.
When they’re not, we live in a state of negotiation with ourselves, and that’s exhausting.
Ask yourself:
- What outcome am I truly committing to — and why does it matter?
- What promise, if kept, would rebuild my confidence in myself?
The more we keep our promises to ourselves, the more we begin to believe that what we decide can become what we do. And once that happens, everything changes.
Next, we’ll look at how to protect that resolve through Structure and Ownership so the promises we make have the support they need to last.
Until then, keep paying attention to the small moments.
That’s where trust and transformation always begin.
And if you’re ready to get started with your own reality check and want a partner, let me know. I can help.
