Two women were born in 1933. One in France. One in America.

The woman born in France was Jewish. Her name was Francine.

The American girl was born in a small town in West Virginia. She was a second-generation Cherokee. Her name was Peggy.

They came from different parts of the world and would face very different challenges. What they shared was coming into the world in the year Hitler came into power. That became part of both of their stories.

By the time Francine was eight years old, her father had been taken into custody as a prisoner of war. She had to wear the yellow star on her chest, marking her as Jewish. She and her mother were eventually taken to the Bergen-Belsen camp in Germany. Francine’s mother took two small pieces of chocolate with her, knowing there would be hard days ahead. She told her daughter she would save them for when they grew weak and needed strength. The chocolate would help get them through.

When another woman gave birth in the camp, Francine’s mother asked her if she thought they should give their chocolate to the struggling woman to help her have the strength to survive the birth. Francine didn’t hesitate and readily agreed. Despite dire conditions, both mother and child survived.

Six months later, British troops rescued them, and the camp was liberated. Francine and her mother were able to return to France, as did the other mother and child.

Life moved on from those dark days for all of them. Francine went on to write books and poetry and give lectures about her time in the camps. And give birth to her own daughter.

Many years later, when she was in her 80s, her daughter asked if she thought it would have helped her and the others freed from the camps if they had been given access to psychiatrists. She said she couldn’t say, mental health wasn’t something they even spoke of then. It was about survival. But that question inspired her to put together a symposium on the subject.

When one of the psychiatrists who had come to speak took her place at the podium, she began by saying she had a special gift for Francine and took out a piece of chocolate. She smiled warmly at Francine and said, “I’m the baby.”

Can you imagine the depth of feeling as the two women meet again after all those years? 

We don’t often get to see what comes from those moments of sacrifice. I found it very moving that they had a second divine appointment to meet. Somehow, you begin to understand from that moment that Francine and her mother gave so much more than a piece of chocolate.

The power of story always remains.

Listen to her tell her story in her own voice and words

Going back to our young girl growing up in West Virginia, her life took on a very different shape because of the war as well. Her mother worked as a tailor, making uniforms for soldiers fighting in Europe, to save those like Francine and her mother. Other friends and family lost loved ones who wore those uniforms. Their sacrifices were different. None compared to what Francine and her family experienced. But that time shaped everyone who lived through it.

That girl grew up, married a Marine, and moved to Ohio, where, in 1955, she gave birth to her first child, a daughter. Me.

I knew that my grandmother’s life had been changed by that war, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that my mother’s life began during that time. When I first heard Francine speak, I realized that they were contemporaries. The children also have their own stories to tell.

Listening to Francine talk about her conversation with her daughter, I thought of my own conversations with my mother.

I remember a telephone conversation with my Mom one summer, when I lived with my great-aunt and uncle in downtown Cleveland. My great aunt was recovering from heart surgery, and they needed help. On our call, I lamented missing home and my freedom. My mother reminded me that I wasn’t there for me.

She said I was born to fulfill a purpose, and that opportunities to make a difference would come throughout my life. They would never be a burden in the end, but a gift. It was the genesis of my understanding of having a purpose in the world and in my life. And the joy that would bring. She prophesied that into and over my life many times. She also modeled that in her own life. I have never forgotten it.

I find myself yearning again for conversations about her life with questions I never thought to ask. But still, I am comforted by the conversations we did have and my memories of her.

Thinking about both of these women, born in 1933, I’m reminded that no matter what our circumstances may be at any given time in our lives, we all have something to give. We are all called to give of ourselves, even to sacrifice at times. And, it is always a gift for us to have that opportunity.

It’s an important reminder and question to ask of ourselves with every encounter. How can I best serve in this moment?

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Welcome to the first post in our Personal FAQs series, where we will be exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Having core FAQs across all domains isn’t about reaching final answers. It’s about staying present to who we’re becoming and how that impacts other aspects of our life and body of work.

However, our first domain is where they all have their genesis and foundation.

We’re beginning with the domain at the center of everything: Identity & Purpose.
 
We think of identity as something we discover. But the truth is, it is something that we continue to uncover. It evolves. And when it does, our purpose can as well. That’s why the pairing is important.
 
The key is to understand that for both, change is always part of the equation in some form.
 
In my book, Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? I share a personal experience with this. When my daughter got married, and I was facing that empty-nest season, I started by asking the usual questions: Is she okay? What does she need? How can I support her?
 
But the more important questions were not about her at all. They were about me and my role in life. What was I going to do now? Who would need me? How could I adjust to MY new life? Those questions were harder. I was unprepared for them.
 
Our roles will always change. And with those changes, who we are beneath them and how we define purpose for ourselves is something we’re invited to revisit again and again.
 
That season of navigating the empty nest was a significant disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. At the time, family was the core of how I defined both. But over the years, and through many transitions since, that definition has continued to expand.

That is, once again, why this domain is so important. This is the root system. Before clarity in strategy, productivity, or even alignment, we need to be anchored in who we are and why we’re here. For solopreneurs and professionals, especially those building values-driven lives and businesses, identity isn’t just personal—it’s structural.

Identity & Purpose FAQs:

The questions that helped me navigate transitions like going from full-time single mom to someone exploring new callings weren’t always the ones I expected.

I didn’t need grand revelations. I needed grounding. I needed prompts that gave me room to be honest. Questions that invited curiosity rather than demanded clarity.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge.

• What qualities in myself feel most alive, most true, in this season?
• Who am I becoming by choice, not just by circumstance?
• If someone were to describe the legacy I’m living in this season, what would I want them to say?
• What environments or moments help me feel most connected to myself? And which ones disconnect me?
• What values have I outgrown as my primary priorities, or am I now ready to release?
• What labels or roles no longer reflect who I am?
• What forgotten parts of me want to re-emerge?
• What parts of myself am I still waiting to be “ready enough” to share?
• Where am I compromising who I am in order to be who I think I should be?
• What would I choose if I didn’t need to explain it to anyone?

In this context, the best questions aren’t the ones that give us answers. They’re the ones that give us pause and change how we see ourselves. That’s what these are meant to do.

Also, remember that your FAQs aren’t questions designed to be answered once. They’re meant to travel with you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?
 
They don’t just make you think, they help you see.
 
The right questions about identity and purpose don’t just remind you of who you’ve been. They reconnect you with who you’re becoming. They clarify what matters most to you now and illuminate the next right step.
 
The result of asking good questions in this domain isn’t a perfect label or a polished personal mission statement.
 
It’s movement that leads you to a deepening awareness of what gives your life meaning, and a growing sense of alignment between who you are and how you show up in the world.
 
That’s how you know. You feel less lost in the noise of expectations and more at home in your own story.

A Shift You Might Notice

Sometimes, you’ll revisit a familiar question and discover a completely different answer.

That can be because we move into a different season so we have a definite change in our primary roles. But it can also simply be because we grow. We learn more about ourselves and how we want to interact with our world.

The questions stayed the same. We changed.

And that’s the beauty of these FAQs. They can and will evolve as we do.

As we grow, so will the opportunities for us and the ways we express ourselves.

But it starts with giving ourselves permission to grow. When we give ourselves permission to grow, we allow new perspectives to come into view.

So, here’s a bonus question for our first domain:

• If I gave myself full permission to live on purpose today, what would I do differently?

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

1. Awake at the Wheel by Jonathan Fields on Substack and his podcast The Good Life Project.
2. Essentialism by Greg McKeown – A powerful reminder that purpose often lives just on the other side of letting go.
3. Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud – One of the most powerful and impactful books I’ve ever read on purposeful change. Something doesn’t have to be broken for it to be ready for change. Just as we prune our plants, we must often let go of what looks like a perfectly good branch so that better ones can emerge and grow.

The post FAQ Series: Identity, Purpose, and Permission to Grow appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

This past week, I took the time to go through my refrigerator and check the dates on everything.  It’s something I do periodically, but I had been putting it off this time. Mainly because I already knew this was going to be one of those times where I would be facing something that I despise: Waste. 

There is nothing that will spark negative thoughts for me faster than seeing waste. Especially when the waste could have easily been avoided. Like with those groceries. It reminded me of how we all have such good intentions that, somehow, don’t come to fruition. Especially at this time of year. And right now is usually when we first start feeling those pangs of remorse.

I had great plans to eat salads every day. But then I didn’t. Now I have wasted food.

I had great plans to accelerate my weight loss. But since I chose other foods, now I have wasted time.

I had great plans to boost my energy by eating foods that would help. Since I didn’t, I have wasted time and potential.

Waste.

It’s why resolve became so important to me for this year. When we practice true resolve and do what we say we will do, we reduce our waste. We regain essentials like time and energy. And yes, even money.

But to have resolve, we must first make choices we can and will honor.

Which is another place that I am keenly aware of when it comes to waste.

Wasted belief and opportunity.

There is a phrase sometimes used in business negotiations that, when you stop and think about it, has a broader application. It speaks to the difference between what someone actually pays and how much they were willing to pay. It’s referred to as the seller perhaps leaving “money on the table” by underpricing or giving in to negotiation pressure. It comes down to how much was possible from the transaction vs. how much was realized.

Let’s think about this beyond just financial negotiations and look at how we negotiate with ourselves about our lives and work. Over the past few months, I have found myself asking: How much life am I leaving on the table? Is there a difference between how much life is possible vs. how much I am settling for?

In a word – Yes.

This is where we wander into the wasteland of lost opportunities.

As I thought about this, the first thing that came to mind was learning how to recognize when it is happening.  After all, how would we ever know?

Wisdom from Thomas Edison prompted this personal inquiry for me with this statement: “When you think you have exhausted all of the possibilities, remember this: You haven’t!”

I thought about all the factors that might create a limited perspective of what was possible.

There were five that kept coming up. Here they are:

• Limiting Beliefs
• Limiting Choices
• Limiting Circle
• Limiting Practices
• Limiting Purpose

There is no question that when we limit what we believe about ourselves and our possibilities, we are leaving life on the table. After all, if we don’t think it’s possible, we won’t even try.

And the idea of only an either/or limitation in choice has always befuddled me. I lean toward both, or more, rather than just allowing for one or the other. Since when did choices become mutually exclusive? One way of thinking about this is:  Why settle for A or H – why not choose both and create AHA! True creativity rejects choices that are limited. Just imagine if we had settled for red and blue and never discovered purple!

There is a belief often taught in personal development circles that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.  While there are nuances to that, there is a kernel of truth here. Our sphere of influence is so important. How can you expect to stay inspired and encouraged if no one you are in the trenches with shares your vision or ideals?

The idea of limiting practices is typically my nemesis. Wanting to attain something is good, and it’s a start, but wanting something isn’t what gets it done. Our daily practices make that happen. We think of this for our health without question. But it’s true in our work as well. What must happen every day or every week to move the needle forward?

When we limit what we are willing to do daily, we leave life on the table. As I heard recently, when we aren’t achieving what we want, it’s rarely a lack of knowledge or know-how. We know what to do. We just don’t seem to know how to get ourselves to do it consistently! Sound familiar?

Candidly, the last one on the list came first or second when I first started thinking about this, but as new ones came up, it kept getting pushed down. I’m giving that some thought, but for now, consider that if you don’t have an unfettered purpose, you are leaving so much on the table.

It speaks to belief but goes beyond it. This is where we think about 10X, 100X, or possibly 1000X factors for what we believe we can accomplish. Not for ourselves, but as an agent of change in the world. I may have to rethink where this one ranks on the list.

What do you want to be true 90 days from now in your life or work? At the end of 2026? By the end of this decade?

Consider these factors for yourself. Make sure you aren’t leaving any life on the table.

Don’t waste a single moment more. Claim it all for yourself, for those you love, and for all the generations to follow.

If you’re not certain which area is the best place for you to begin and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what has value and reimagine what’s possible, I can help. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to fully invest in now becomes part of the foundation for what’s possible next.

The post How much life are you leaving on the table? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

We all know that daily practices are important. But I’m not sure we fully realize the depth of their importance or even the core reasons those core practices make a difference. As with most things, when we understand the underlying reasons, the doing gets much easier.

That’s where stories can help.

One of the first stories that comes to mind for me is about John Constable, a British 19th-century painter known for his landscape paintings. He believed that the key element for mastery in all of his work was being able to capture the drama of the sky. He was fascinated with the sky, and in particular, clouds, because that’s where he found the drama. He was determined to become beyond proficient at capturing the beauty and essence of the ever-changing sky.

So, how did he achieve that mastery? He started a daily practice. He found one spot by a river where he could go every single day and paint. He would show up there each day and paint the sky as it appeared that day. He did that every single day. He never relented because he knew that the better he got at painting the sky, the better all of his work would be. And he also knew that the sky would be different every day – thus giving him the chance to keep honing that skill. That’s the essence of a daily practice. It isn’t just about what you are doing. It’s about how it integrates into everything else.

When we look at other artists, we can find many stories like this. I am a fan of the cellist Yo-Yo Ma. I love the instrument, and I love the way he loves it as well. His music is something that can transport me from wherever I am to someplace that is lovely, centered, and full of hope. How does he do that? You might say it’s because he is talented, and no doubt that is part of it. But if you asked him, he would say it is because he is dedicated to his craft, and even now, with all of the success and accolades, the most essential part of his day is his practice time. He is not doing that for perfection. He is doing that for a deeper connection to his instrument, the music, and the world.

The discipline of daily practice is something I have never outgrown. It allows me to keep discovering new things about music and about myself.” ~Yo Yo Ma

One of my nieces is a ballerina. She’s still young, but it’s already clear that this is more than just a weekly dance class for her. How? She practices every day. No one has to tell her. She has created a place in her bedroom dedicated to practicing dance. While other kids are watching videos and playing games, she is immersed in her world of dance.

That’s how you know something matters. And she’s in good company. Every prima ballerina out there will tell you the same thing. They are in class every day. They dance every day. It’s how they are instinctual and fluid not only on the stage, but in every one of their movements in life.

“The one thing that has gotten me through every single moment of my life, whether I was going through a tough time or was the happiest I’d ever been, was my discipline and my training. It’s that consistency.” ~ Misty Copeland

There are many other examples from just about every craft you can imagine.

I think we can all agree that when it comes to athletes, none set a better example of perfecting their craft than Kobe Bryant. He attributed all of his success to his “Mamba Mentality,” and the cornerstone of that was his daily practice.

He was committed, some might even say obsessed, with the fundamentals of his craft, and he practiced every single day. He was known for being up and at the gym hours before any of his teammates. What is interesting about his example is that not only did that daily practice raise him above his peers in his execution of the game, but it also raised him to a position of influence.

He inspired many of his teammates and even competitors to greater heights. That’s why one of the other greats, Michael Jordan, was willing to take him on as a protege even though they were also competitors. People admire others who are relentless about improvement and mastery.

“The key to success is failure. Each time I fail, I learn something, and I become better. Practice is where I put those lessons into action.” ~Michael Jordan

As a writer, I know that daily practice is an absolute. The key to me has always been to understand that vs. pushing against it. I attended a conference once where the keynote speaker had the topic of “how to create a daily writing practice.” When he got to the stage to speak, he said that his presentation was likely to be a surprise and it would, no doubt, be the shortest of the day because the subject matter was so simple.

He said that the way to create a daily writing practice was simple. You write. Every day. That’s it. Nothing else. If you want to be a writer, you are going to need to write every day. That means nothing more or nothing less than just that. Write every single day.

“Writing is, in effect, not so different from endurance sport. To keep writing, one has to keep up the rhythm and create the habits that allow words to flow.” ~Haruki Murakami

But you might say there is more to it than that. I understand. I did as well until I realized that part of making the decision about what matters to us is making the commitment to doing what it takes to achieve it. We want the results, but too often, we want to short-cut or short-circuit the pathway to them. And it only derails us. Sometimes, shortcuts add to the journey rather than compressing it.

Whatever you want, I promise you that a daily practice is necessary to achieving it. So when you define what you want, go that extra step and ask yourself what you will need to do every day to make that happen. And then turn your eyes to that.

You will be amazed at how focusing on the commitment vs. the prize, how much more the prize will mean, and how much deeper its value will become. It takes the time it takes.

It’s not always 10,000 hours. That framework doesn’t fit everything, as some would want us to believe. But it does take something. And, more than anything, it takes consistent time, even if not as much time.

One of my favorite things to do is to create acronyms from words that I find important. This helps me understand them more proactively and aids in teaching the principles around them. I found that to be true here as well.

I want to share with you the acronym I created for PRACTICE.

After going through each letter and associated word, ask yourself which of these words or ideas surprised you most. Maybe that is the missing link to help boost your own commitment to the daily practice you need most in this season of your life.

P – PURPOSE. Anything we commit to daily must serve a bigger purpose. We don’t do anything in a vacuum. I heard a quote once that said you can’t play Bach without having done scales, but that no one practices scales merely to play a scale. Indeed, as a musician myself, I know that no one masters music without first mastering the scale.

R – RHYTHM. There is a cadence to anything that moves us forward. Think about music. Far more than just the notes – it is the pauses and the rhythm that make it memorable. Daily practices will create a rhythm within our day. It creates that synchronicity that pulls everything together.

A – ACCOUNTABILITY. Nearly every program out there that is designed to help us define and achieve goals has an accountability practice as one of its cornerstones. But I believe that our practice is in and of itself an internal instrument of accountability. We now have a daily standard we hold ourselves to.

C – CONSISTENCY. If you’ve ever attended any teaching or presentation on just about anything related to any success, they have emphasized the need for consistency in your actions. You don’t get healthy or fit by exercising once in a while. That’s the value of an exercise practice. It automatically creates consistency, which exponentially increases the rate and velocity of your success.

T – TIME. Have you ever had something you wanted to do and yet hid behind the excuse that there just wasn’t enough time? I certainly have. This might be the most essential element of a daily practice. It shows us that we DO have time. And taking time does something else. It creates time. When we are more disciplined about how we spend our time, there is more of it because we’ve defined it based on our priorities.

I – INTENTIONALITY. This brings us to intentionality. It is something that precedes those benefits of time but is, in fact, its own benefit marker. Time is a limited resource. It is, in fact, our only limited resource. So how we spend it matters more than anything other resource we consume. Having those daily practices is a form of declaration about what matters to us. No one lives an intentional life without living an intentional day.

C – CREATIVITY. This is another one that many miss. How can something that, by its nature, is regimented inspire or spark creativity? Because it does. Some things you can’t explain, but I know this is true. When we eliminate some of our decision fatigue, we free up mental resources that are part of our creative process. As we get better at our craft, we are able to see things from a different perspective and dare to try new things. My daily writing practice is, by far, the most creative time of my day. My commonplace book gets idea entries all the time that were spawned in a writing session.

E – EFFICACY. Does this surprise you? It shouldn’t. Self-efficacy, or any other way of seeing our abilities, is paramount for living our best life and doing our best work. When we believe we hold within us the power and ability to do whatever it is we set our minds to, it is almost a given that it will happen. A daily practice allows that because it moves us through times we might have otherwise given up and not stayed the course. It helps to reinforce what we CAN do vs. anything else that might be messages coming our way.

So there you have it—my latest acronym. I hope that it brought you some value.

And, by the way, it came out of one of my writing sessions in my daily writing practice!

The post What’s Really Behind Success? Stories of Daily Practice and Mastery appeared first on Kathi Laughman.