I love stories. It seems that I always have.

Even my spiritual heritage lives there. My first experiences with faith came from teachers who shared stories from the Bible. Not just lessons. Stories that helped us understand them and remember them.

Then as a young girl, a librarian invited me into the world of other books, and I’ve never left.

This week is one that in the past I’ve tried to just get through without fanfare. It’s my birthday week. I’m sure many of you can relate to what I mean. We grow up excited to be getting older until we realize that we are. Then we want to slow down our own aging, just as we used to want to slow it down for our children.

But here I am at this juncture, and this year it feels different because this checkpoint is one where I am fully appreciating the gift of it.

I will tell you right up front that this post will be longer than most I’ve written because, in writing this message, so much surfaced that seemed important to share. I hope, though, that you will read it to the end because I believe that somewhere in what I’m sharing, you will find your own story sneaking in there and you’ll also find, once again, a reason to celebrate you.

Not surprisingly, I’m sure, I decided to approach this from a place that I cherish. Books. So as my Dad used to say to us, seemingly every Sunday afternoon, let’s take a ride and see what’s waiting for us.

This is the story of a life told through the books

and the people who arrived at just the right time.

Let me begin by saying how I see birthdays now began on my 59^th birthday. My oldest granddaughter was being a bit cheeky (lovingly though) when she reminded me that it really was the start of my 60^th year. It felt a bit like a cold plunge in the moment. But there was, in fact, wisdom in that observation. Something that frequently happens with her.

So this year, it’s my 71^st birthday. But really, I’m stepping into my 72nd year. I love that shift.

Writing this has been an excavation of those years through the lens of how I got here, specific to the books I’ve read and the people I’ve met. We’ve all heard that sentiment – where we will be in the next five years or ten years will be determined by the books we read and the people we meet.

But it’s also true in retrospect. It’s also true that where we are in this moment is because of the same influences.

So let’s get started.

Let me begin by saying that I have a feeling that a librarian who once put a book into the hands of a fourth-grade girl would smile if she knew where that simple act eventually led.

Since that moment, I have read thousands – truly thousands of books over the course of my life. I decided to do a bit of rudimentary research and found that I’ve purchased over 2000 books since 2005 alone from Amazon – just to give some perspective.

I was already fifty years old by then.

But don’t be too alarmed – we’re not going to talk about all of them. This is about the ones that shaped me in some significant way. To give myself some guardrails and to save this from becoming a book on its own, I decided to limit myself to seventy-one books worthy of having a place in that roster.

There are three more that sit above those that I’ll mention later, but for now, let’s get started with those seventy-one.

This is not going to be a chronological list because I’d end up repeating myself on some things, but I am going to start with where my reading journey began: fiction. With stories.

I’ve mentioned the Bible stories, but beyond that, let’s just look at a few that even now have stayed with me.

First up takes us back to that librarian. My elementary school didn’t have its own library. We were just down the street, barely the equivalent of a city block from our local library, so that’s what we used. Once a week we would all walk together to the library. But for some reason, I never took any books home. My fascination at the time was music, and I preferred reading music back then.

But my piano teacher lived just across from the library. So another walk each week was to the library to wait for my piano lesson, then I would cross the street for that. And on one of those days, the librarian decided to reach out to me and ask about what I might like to read. I honestly didn’t know, but she thought she had a possibility for me.

She placed a book in my hands titled Sue Barton, Student Nurse, written by Helen Dore Boylston. She recognized I was more mature than most of my classmates and thought I would enjoy the story. And I did. In fact, I loved it. But it also introduced me to character-based stories, or chapter books, as we now call them.

There were seven in that series, and I still remember every single one of them. In fact, one of them included a story about when Sue Barton had to have emergency surgery to have her appendix removed. When I went through the same thing when I was twelve, I wasn’t afraid. I already knew what to expect.

Later in life, I shared that story with one of my team members, and for my birthday that year, they found an old copy of that book, complete with the library envelope and card still inside, and gifted that to me. It remains one of the most treasured books in my library.

Other books and series followed that. I later came to enjoy C.S. Lewis and his mythical and magical worlds, and I can still remember listening as a teacher read to us the magnificent tales in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

For a long time, though, fiction fell away for me. I did read some, but it wasn’t the same. It was more entertainment or escape. And then I discovered Rosamund Pilcher. Her book The Shell Seekers remains one of my favorites.

Here’s what is remarkable to me about that one: I read that book in my 30s. The main character, Penelope Keeling, was in her 60s. But for some reason, I identified with her.

When I look at my life and how it has unfolded, what I see is that many of the traits I so admired in that character in that season of her life are now mine. It is as if that became a road map for me to follow. It’s one of those books where you really wish the story was true and that you could go find the characters and become friends.

After that, I was a faithful reader and devoured everything she wrote, including all of her short stories. It also introduced me to a new part of the world where I would later travel and feel like I’d already been there.

A few others worth mentioning here are the book Straight by Dick Francis; The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows; and A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman.

Dick Francis became another prolific writer who seemed to always have something just right for all the Friday nights I was a single mom who needed some escape. But his book Straight told the story of two brothers, one of whom kept a journal that ended up being the key to the mystery. That stayed with me and, not surprisingly, turned me into a journal writer myself.

The other two demonstrate how people often come before the book. A dear friend of mine gifted the second one on that list to me and said I would be delighted with it, and I was. I’ve gifted it to others many times as well, but what I remember most is how it deepened a friendship across a distance because of a shared love of books. He’s gone now, but the books we shared remain, and I think of him every time I see them on my shelf.

But the last one (A Man Called Ove) is one of my favorites because my oldest granddaughter introduced it to me. We shared a love of books and had many conversations about them, but this time, she found the book and recommended it to me. What I remember most was her delight when I loved it. There was something affirming to her that she had given me the gift of knowing me. We’ve both read everything he’s written, and his work will forever be linked for me to those moments with her.

There are two more in this category that are more contemporary. A dear friend, Kathryn Brewster Haueisen, wrote the first. It is the story of one of her ancestors, Mary Brewster, told in a fictional setting: Mary Brewster’s Love Life: Matriarch of the Mayflower. This one made the list not just because my friend wrote it, but because we both resonate so strongly with the women in our lineage. For me, it was Molly Mackenzie, my great-grandmother. She didn’t come over on the Mayflower; she lived in a later time, but both of them were influential in their time and in ours because of their legacies.

The last one is a book some of you may have also read this year. I wanted something quite contemporary, and this was an easy one to choose. It is The Correspondent by Virginia Evans. I would almost put this one on the same level as The Shell Seekers. The act of writing beyond books is so important, and the story told in the books through the sharing of notes, letters, and e-mails is extraordinary.

So that concludes the fiction part of the journey.

The next part does go back to my roots, though, and is my spiritual reading.

First, let me say that I have always had a daily reader beyond the Bible that has spiritual teaching in it. I haven’t included any of those. Those change my life daily. But six books have made, and continue to make, a profound difference in my spiritual life.

What surprised me when I stepped back and looked at them was the fact that they have a very common theme: Prayer.

I first came across Mark Batterson many years ago when someone online posted about his book The Circle Maker. I read it, and even after many decades of thinking I knew what prayer was about, I found I hadn’t even scratched the surface. His books If and Soulprint are two more on the list that were just as transformational.

The other three have their own stories about how they deepened my spiritual experience, and all of them are books I have read many times.

Here they are:

The Miracles in You by Mark Victor Hansen (I was honored to get to meet Mark in person and have him sign my copy of this book – a true-life moment.)

2 Chairs by Bob Beaudine (I first heard Bob speak and then got his book. It helped me through some very tough days.)

Holy Moments by Matthew Kelly (This is only one of many in my library from Matthew, but this one taught me that spirituality can be found in every moment, not just those reserved for it.)

The next group of six focuses on the craft of writing. My craft.

First up is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I was attending a conference in Portland, Oregon, and a woman I met there recommended it. Little did I know just how much I would need it. I got it as soon as I returned home and just after that faced one of my most difficult years. Julia’s Morning Pages were right there with me and made that experience not only bearable, but investable. They also reinforced the power of daily writing and journaling.

And speaking of conferences, Jeff Goins was hosting a writing conference near Nashville that I was going to attend. I was researching the speakers and came across Jon Acuff. I got the audio version of his current release and listened to it on the drive. Because of that conference and Jon’s book Finish, my own book found its own finish line. The other book from that conference that pushed it forward came from Jeff with his work in Real Artists Don’t Starve. Two examples of how books bring people together and create real change.

Another conference introduced me to Michelle Prince, which also led me to her book The Power of Authority. Her book and subsequent coaching helped me to fully understand the value of the book beyond its pages to what it can make possible for the reader. One of her signature lines was that you can’t spell authority without the word author. That resonated with me.

But then, as is always the case, reality can set in, and it gets harder. That’s where the next two books have made the difference for me. First was Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird. Every author should read it, but it’s about life as much as it is about writing. And you should never pass up an opportunity to hear her speak. That’s where I first found her. She was speaking, and I had the opportunity to attend.

Second in that season came from another favorite, Steven Pressfield. My nemesis is resistance. Always has been. I re-negotiate everything with myself to the point of exhaustion. He still helps me with that every time I pick up my copy of Do the Work, read it, and then get back to business.

This next group is perhaps one of the most telling for me anyway. These books fall into the category of biographical writing. But for each of them, what happened within me was life-changing.

Let’s begin with an early favorite.

Gilda Radner’s story in It’s Always Something. The title was borrowed from a phrase she often heard her father say. I can’t say I was a fan of hers. I didn’t watch Saturday Night Live. In fact, I had barely heard of her before reading this book. But I was a fan of her husband, Gene Wilder. His movie, Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, released in 1971, was one of my Dad’s favorites, and I watched it with him many times.

When Gilda passed away in 1989, Gene Wilder’s devotion was very much a part of that story, so I got the book. It was timely for me as my Dad had passed away in 1988, also from cancer. There were so many things in her story that were healing for my own with him because it gave me a clearer understanding of what cancer looks like and feels like from the other side. One review noted that the book shows us that not all poems rhyme.

Then came my fascination with former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt. I have long admired her work but was completely in awe of what she did with her book Tomorrow is Now.

She was quite ill near the end of writing it but was determined. It has been said often that she willed herself to stay alive long enough to finish the writing of it. That gave me a very different perspective on what it means to be the messenger and not just the writer.

Years later, I wrote a blog post about her and asked this question: Would Eleanor Roosevelt Be On Twitter? and to my surprise, her foundation picked it up and asked if they could reprint it. What an honor that was. And of course, the answer was that she would. She would have taken advantage of every possible channel and tool to spread the messages that needed to be shared.

The next three came from women in times when I needed them.

Joan Didion’s offerings in The Year of Magical Thinking changed how I saw our journey through grief and re-shaped my own.

Shonda Rhimes story in Year of Yes was a wake-up call for me at a time I really needed one. I was another one of those who said no to everything that was outside of my work-focused existence. I had my own year of yes thanks to her and met incredible people and had experiences that shaped the rest of my story.

Then came the recent offering from Ina Garten – Be Ready When the Luck Happens: A Memoir. She’s been a shero of mine for many years because of the way she reinvented herself. Going from being an analyst in the White House to buying a specialty food shop on a whim after seeing an ad in the paper to her later success as a television host and author is what many dreams are made of.

But in this book, for the first time, she talks about the person who was on the journey. She is someone I share with my daughter, Lauren, who loves her recipes! We both have every one of her cookbooks, but her memoir gave me an even deeper appreciation and respect for the woman behind them.

Which brings me to the last one in this group, which is another book written by a dear friend. Her name is Bobbie Casolino-Lewis, and her book is So That’s What 70 Looks Like. It’s not easy for me to articulate what this one has meant and still means to me. I have never liked to have my picture taken. I’ve never been comfortable in my own skin. She is. She’s not a traditional beauty, but she is beautiful. She’s not traditional by choice. Because she’s inexplicably herself and she is stunning. This book is where she shares where that emanates from, and it has beautiful imagery throughout.

When she first published the book, I was not 70 yet, but it was looming and, to be candid, I was dreading it. Her spirit comes through in every word and image, and it is inspiring me to live into my 70s with a very different perspective. And it’s inspired me to write my own memoir about what aging means.

In the last section, which is primarily non-fiction about life and business, forty-five remain. That is far too many for me to share every reason with you here, but you can go to the end of this post and get the full list.

Here are some of them that bear mention.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

This book was a gift for Christmas the year my daughter married. The story itself became the real gift, and it gave my journey as an empty nester a very different beginning. I read it now every year between Christmas and New Year’s.

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday

I have a shelf of books by Ryan Holiday, and others could have easily found their way here, but this one was my clarion call that everything makes something else possible.

Uncertainty by Jonathan Fields

Jonathan Fields is a fascinating person who never fails to help me see things differently. This book is where I first began to see myself as a possibilitarian. It was a permanent lens change for me. I am now a faithful listener to his podcast and subscriber to everything he writes.

The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann

I honestly do not remember how I first discovered this book. It’s become such a part of my life that it’s hard to even remember how I first encountered it, but no book has influenced my life to the same degree as this one. In addition to the impact the book’s story has had on my approach to my life and work, it led me to a community of extraordinary people that I cherish. I was also privileged to get to know the authors and can count them both as friends and mentors. I joined John David Mann’s Writing Mastery Group, spent three years there, and am now writing my own parable.

The Psychology of Judgment and Decision Making by Scott Plous

When I went back to college at 52, I thought it was to get the degree and, initially, it was. But it became so much more because of this textbook and class. It not only changed the trajectory of the rest of my career in supply chain logistics, but it is also now the basis of my own work with founders.

A Passion for Excellence by Tom Peters

I still remember burning the midnight oil to read this one. I couldn’t get through its pages fast enough. It answered a burning need in me to understand why mastery was so much a part of what drives me. It allowed me to accept that as a core value and also learn how to leverage it in a meaningful way.

Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud

This is perhaps not only one of the most important books I’ve read, but also without question the one I have gifted and recommended more than most any other. It is not as you might think a tome about quitting. It is a beautiful road map for pruning our lives just as a master gardener would do. It is not allowing the good to get in the way of the great. I refer to it often when faced with the start-stop-continue questions.

Reinvent Yourself by James Altucher

This is another voice with many offerings on my bookshelf. But his words go beyond the usual shelf-help so many are. I chose this one for here because it is what I have been able to do because of this book. We don’t just live by days, weeks, years, or even decades. We live by our seasons, and each one calls a different form of us forward. This book showed me not only that it’s possible, but how to claim that.

Start With Why by Simon Sinek

If I have a philosophical hero, it is Simon Sinek. I could listen to him speak or read his words every day and never get enough. My own work now comes from what he teaches in this book. It helped me define my own work.

The Pivot Year by Brianna Weist

I’m wrapping up this section with this book because it’s the only daily reader that made the list and there’s a reason for that. I first read this book the year I resigned from my long-time corporate career and decided to go full-time into writing and teaching. It’s also the year I decided to sell my home of thirty years and move.

It was, in every way, my pivot year, and this book was my therapist and guide. I read it again the following year. I now pick it up from time to time whenever I need that boost re-orienting can bring.

Going back to the beginning, though, for my three honorable mentions, here they are:

The Bible – I mentioned Bible stories, but the Bible itself is a life-changing book. No list of books that have changed my life would be complete without it.

My Journals – I’ve mentioned journals throughout this message, but this is about my own journals. Especially the Jim Rohn leather journals I’ve kept over the years. The first one was a gift to me from Kyle Wilson, Jim Rohn’s business partner for many years. I was privileged to be part of his Inner Circle Mastermind, where I met people and discovered many of the books that would change my life.

And lastly, there is my book- Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? 

What I can tell you is that beyond any of the other books on my list, this one has brought about the most significant change because no book will change you like the one you write. But it’s true for any of us – whatever our creative calling is – while we can curate and learn and admire with great enthusiasm and even passion the work of others, none will change us like what we ourselves create.

As I was writing this post, I found myself going back to something Emma Thompson once said. Perhaps she was only half right when she said that books are like people and arrive just when we need them. Books do arrive when we need them. But I’ve come to realize that, more often than not, someone places them into our hands. 

That’s one of my desires for you in sharing all of this: that you may find a book among these that is your next invitation to something in your life.

The other gift from writing all of this has been the reminder that since the last 71 years were shaped by books that arrived right when I needed them, that means there are more out there, unread, waiting to do the same thing. There it is again as I’m walking into my 72nd year: Hope.

That’s wonderfully true for all of us — and for me, there are more of my own coming.

Here is the promised full list of the 45 books for Life and Work:

The post Is your birthday the end of a year…or the beginning of one? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

One of the most fascinating things about the power of a decision is how many channels it opens for us to take action. Quite frankly, that’s how I know I’ve truly decided about something. The way forward stops being about the decision. That isn’t a variable any longer. It’s the foundation.

In situations where the decision keeps coming up as an option, I know I still have work to do to get clear.

That’s not always as easy as we may think for a number of reasons. But one of the most challenging is when we don’t understand the decision we are making.

In several conversations this past week, working with people within the Decision Brief tool I’m developing, this became really clear.

Before any decision can be internalized in a way that is sustainable, it must first be fully understood.

What does that mean? This is where walls come into the conversation. Yes, I know, it’s an odd pairing, but bear with me because this insight is important and will prove helpful.

What do walls have to do with decisions? Let’s take a look.
 
What walls and decisions have in common
 
In the simplest terms, it’s about their function.

Decisions are what keep us functioning, focused, and safe. Isn’t that also what walls do?

Before you build a wall, you need to know its purpose. And the purpose of the wall is going to give you all of the specifications you need in order to build it in a way that ensures its success.
 
It is the same with decisions. The purpose of the decision is what ultimately defines it.

What’s protecting the foundation?
 
If you’ve ever done a home remodel or watched one of the many shows about them, you’ve experienced the dreaded discovery that the wall you want to take down due to our modern-day obsession with open concept living is, in fact, a load-bearing wall.
 
What does that mean? It means you cannot just remove it. You must take on the work of that wall another way before it can be removed. That can be with overhead framing or in other ways, but that wall distributes the weight of the entire structure across the foundation so the house can stand.
 
Load-bearing walls are more than just a wall. They do serious work, and they are the visible evidence that the structure has a foundation. What does that bring to mind? You might think of values—but it goes deeper. Your beliefs are part of the structure, too. They’re what keep the weight distributed and the whole system standing.
 
What’s protecting how you function?
 
But what about the other walls? When a structure is framed out, those other walls are doing just that. They are creating a frame. They are about what will happen within the structure. These are not as permanent, but they are as specific. You wouldn’t frame a kitchen in the same way you would frame a bathroom, a bedroom, or a carport. Once again, the wall’s purpose gives you the specification for it.
 
It’s the same with many of our decisions. They aren’t fully permanent, but they are meant to be defining. We have to understand what the decision is meant to allow us to do before we can fully understand it.
 
This is where binary thinking often becomes our nemesis. We think we are deciding between two options, but the real decision is about what the options are meant to make possible.
 
This applies to both our businesses and our lives.
 
What’s protecting how you stay the course?
 
The last type of wall is my current focus: temporary walls, or scaffolding. Sometimes, the decision we need to make is temporary from the onset. It is needed because of specific circumstances or conditions. When we approach those decisions with that level of understanding, it can be much easier to figure out which temporary measure will get the job done for us and allow us to reverse out of it when the time comes with ease.
 
What I find interesting with this type of wall is that we often carry guilt about them, as if temporary means uncommitted or weak. We need to leverage a bit of a pun here and reframe temporary decisions as purposeful and self-eliminating by design.
 
If you’re still reading and with me on this, thank you. I know this is not as straightforward as just giving you a five-step plan or a set of prompts to help you make a decision. But this is at the heart of the work I’m doing, and it is growing clearer to me every day that, before we can start, we need to get better at understanding just what it is we are deciding.
 
The question we’re really asking each time we are faced with a choice is this:
 
Do you know which kind of decision you’re making?
 
Because most people don’t. They treat load-bearing decisions like scaffolding and wonder why things collapse. Or they treat scaffolding like load-bearing walls and can’t let go when the job is done.

Reflection

One of my favorite insights from Andy Andrews is right on point this week.
 
“One way to define wisdom is the ability to see, into the future, the consequences of your choices in the present. That ability can give you a completely different perspective on what the future might look like.”
 
Decision models are important. Just as architectural models show us how things will function, they allow us to make critical changes before they become problematic. They give us that glimpse into the future consequences of our choices.
 
Here’s what I’d like to invite you to consider:
 
Choose one area of your life or work to examine what your walls (decisions) look like now.
 
That can be your work, your finances, your health, your relationships, your creative endeavors, your spiritual life – choose one aspect of the building that is your life.
 
Now look at what foundational decisions you have in place. Where is your load-bearing wall? How are you ensuring that the weight of what you carry is always coming back to the foundation?
 
Staying with that same segment of “YOU” – let’s look at your framing of it. How are you supporting it? This can be your processes, your habits, your daily practices – anything that is about your “how” for that particular “what.”
 
Finally, check whether you have any temporary walls or scaffolding in place for it. If yes, is it doing the job? Is it effective? Do you have any that it may be time to let go of? If you don’t have any, is there a place here where that would be helpful? This could be finding a mentor, a spiritual advisor, a health professional – any number of things can apply here.
 
Once you’ve examined that part of your life or work, step back and determine how any of the walls you have found might also be supporting other parts of you, and move there next.
 
Become the inspector of your own life by looking at the basic decisions you have already made before determining what the next ones need to be.  
 
Because until you do, you will keep building the wrong kind of walls for the life you are trying to live.

The post What walls can teach us about decisions appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

I’ve noticed something about my inbox lately. It’s been filled with renewal notices—publications, insurance, and everything in between.
 
The message is clear: Do you want to continue?
 
It has reminded me that March often brings its own kind of renewal notices—signals that it may be time to question the decisions and choices we made coming into the new year.
 
In some cases, that’s because we’ve gone through changes that have shifted things, including our focus.

In others, it might be that we’re just not seeing the progress we had hoped for, and discouragement is beginning to wave its flag of surrender.
 
Still other factors might be at play. The list has no definitive end for why we don’t, won’t, or even can’t finish everything we start.
 
I’ll admit that this was a struggle for me for many years. It may have come from childhood, where we had to finish everything on our plates. Ugh. But more likely, it came from the bombardment of messages we have all been subjected to: ‘winners never quit.’

But the reality is that winners quit more often than they finish. They’ve just gotten very good at deciding when and what to quit.
 
That’s been on my mind this past week as I’ve been looking at my own spectrum of ambition for this year. My focus word is RESOLVE. I knew that was the secret to my success in everything on my roster. I had to practice resolve. I had to do what I had resolved to do.
 
But what is interesting about that is that our resolve can remain to do something while still allowing us to find another path to get there.
 
That’s without question the most looming message for me this year. The path to success isn’t limited. The divergent thinking I’ve been talking about is showing me ways to achieve things that I had never considered.
 
The resolve is still there. But it’s now my resolve to get something done. Not for the way to make that happen.
 
We must each continuously adjust our decisions based on our own feedback, what we learn from others, accurate information, and changes around us. That is how we can stay responsive, relevant, and effective as we move toward the destination we’ve chosen.

This isn’t a new topic for me. So instead of writing something completely new this week, I went back to three pieces that each address a different perspective and approach for revisiting our decisions.
 
For those times when you just want to quit!
 
This article is from the blog, and it meets you in the moment before the moment. The one where you’re not sure if you’re being resilient or just stubborn.
 
The first part talks about the fact that there are two very different lenses we can use when we look at the question of whether or not to stay the course.

The second part includes five things to consider when you have decided you want to stay the course and need help doing that. I’m working on some follow-up thoughts for this now that talk about how to convert motivation to momentum.
 
If this is where you find yourself, the five points here are a good starting point.
 
Does This Still Matter?
 
Some of you have already joined me on Substack and are following my publication there, which is unfolding the story of my upcoming parable, The Possibility Factor.
 
Sometimes the question isn’t just whether to continue. It’s whether the destination still means what it once did. This one sits with that question.
 
This article looks at what happens when meaning changes and what we once thought was our center shifts.
 
Here’s a line from it that might meet you where you are:
 
“There are times when what we do doesn’t change, but our reason for doing it does. Sometimes that comes from a deepening awareness; other times it’s a natural realignment with a new season of life or work.”
 
It also looks at the value and need for refinement, at times, and draws on lessons I’ve learned as a potter.
 
Growth Doesn’t Always Announce Itself
 
This is the one I saved for last. It’s about the work that happens before the proof shows up.
 
It is from the Yes I Can Living community’s blog, where I am a contributor.
 
This article is my most recent post there, and it’s very specific to my opening for this week’s message to you. It’s about March, and it closes with this thought:
 
Growth doesn’t always announce itself.
 
Sometimes it unfolds in hidden layers, building roots before blossoms, strength before beauty. Sometimes it asks for patience before proof.
 
March holds the tension of that truth. It reminds us that life can be very active even when it appears still.
 
The bloom will come in its season.
 
Until then, there is important work happening underground.

Reflection

One of my favorite quotes, which remains at the front of nearly every journal I have kept for a number of years, comes from Andrew McCarthy, written during a time of his own personal reawakening.
 
“There’s a certain moment in every memorable journey, often recognized only in hindsight, when the trip you are on presents itself, and the one you thought you were taking or had planned is jettisoned. It’s then that you begin really traveling, not merely touring.”
 
Across the three articles I’ve shared with you, there’s a shared message, even as they take it on through different lenses.
 
The questions for each of us are simple.
 
Where are you in your quest?
What needs to be examined?
What is it that it may be time to release?
What needs more time to grow?
 
If you’re unsure, remember this: You’re not in this alone.
 
Legacy is communal. Honest audits benefit from witnesses. Named desires get stronger when spoken to someone who can hold them with you.

I am here to help.

The post Keep going, quit, or start something new? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Two women were born in 1933. One in France. One in America.

The woman born in France was Jewish. Her name was Francine.

The American girl was born in a small town in West Virginia. She was a second-generation Cherokee. Her name was Peggy.

They came from different parts of the world and would face very different challenges. What they shared was coming into the world in the year Hitler came into power. That became part of both of their stories.

By the time Francine was eight years old, her father had been taken into custody as a prisoner of war. She had to wear the yellow star on her chest, marking her as Jewish. She and her mother were eventually taken to the Bergen-Belsen camp in Germany. Francine’s mother took two small pieces of chocolate with her, knowing there would be hard days ahead. She told her daughter she would save them for when they grew weak and needed strength. The chocolate would help get them through.

When another woman gave birth in the camp, Francine’s mother asked her if she thought they should give their chocolate to the struggling woman to help her have the strength to survive the birth. Francine didn’t hesitate and readily agreed. Despite dire conditions, both mother and child survived.

Six months later, British troops rescued them, and the camp was liberated. Francine and her mother were able to return to France, as did the other mother and child.

Life moved on from those dark days for all of them. Francine went on to write books and poetry and give lectures about her time in the camps. And give birth to her own daughter.

Many years later, when she was in her 80s, her daughter asked if she thought it would have helped her and the others freed from the camps if they had been given access to psychiatrists. She said she couldn’t say, mental health wasn’t something they even spoke of then. It was about survival. But that question inspired her to put together a symposium on the subject.

When one of the psychiatrists who had come to speak took her place at the podium, she began by saying she had a special gift for Francine and took out a piece of chocolate. She smiled warmly at Francine and said, “I’m the baby.”

Can you imagine the depth of feeling as the two women meet again after all those years? 

We don’t often get to see what comes from those moments of sacrifice. I found it very moving that they had a second divine appointment to meet. Somehow, you begin to understand from that moment that Francine and her mother gave so much more than a piece of chocolate.

The power of story always remains.

Listen to her tell her story in her own voice and words

Going back to our young girl growing up in West Virginia, her life took on a very different shape because of the war as well. Her mother worked as a tailor, making uniforms for soldiers fighting in Europe, to save those like Francine and her mother. Other friends and family lost loved ones who wore those uniforms. Their sacrifices were different. None compared to what Francine and her family experienced. But that time shaped everyone who lived through it.

That girl grew up, married a Marine, and moved to Ohio, where, in 1955, she gave birth to her first child, a daughter. Me.

I knew that my grandmother’s life had been changed by that war, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that my mother’s life began during that time. When I first heard Francine speak, I realized that they were contemporaries. The children also have their own stories to tell.

Listening to Francine talk about her conversation with her daughter, I thought of my own conversations with my mother.

I remember a telephone conversation with my Mom one summer, when I lived with my great-aunt and uncle in downtown Cleveland. My great aunt was recovering from heart surgery, and they needed help. On our call, I lamented missing home and my freedom. My mother reminded me that I wasn’t there for me.

She said I was born to fulfill a purpose, and that opportunities to make a difference would come throughout my life. They would never be a burden in the end, but a gift. It was the genesis of my understanding of having a purpose in the world and in my life. And the joy that would bring. She prophesied that into and over my life many times. She also modeled that in her own life. I have never forgotten it.

I find myself yearning again for conversations about her life with questions I never thought to ask. But still, I am comforted by the conversations we did have and my memories of her.

Thinking about both of these women, born in 1933, I’m reminded that no matter what our circumstances may be at any given time in our lives, we all have something to give. We are all called to give of ourselves, even to sacrifice at times. And, it is always a gift for us to have that opportunity.

It’s an important reminder and question to ask of ourselves with every encounter. How can I best serve in this moment?

The post The stories of two women born in 1933 appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

We make assumptions about how and to whom we matter in the world. Those will stem from our own beliefs and perspectives about the contributions we make.

And yet, sometimes what is most impactful about our lives isn’t readily visible to us. We will not always know where we are making the most profound difference.

You see, each of us is a miracle. Each of us comes into this life with our own soul print, and we make a difference every day. Even when we aren’t really conscious of it.

Let me tell you a story that brings this vividly to life. In the 1950’s, two men worked in a factory in northern Ohio. One of them worked the afternoon shift and the other the night shift. They did not know each other. Yet their lives would intersect and create profound change.

The young man working second shift had just finished his tour of duty as a Marine during the Korean War. He and his bride had moved from West Virginia to Ohio in search of better opportunities. He often worked the night shift in addition to his regular hours for extra income. One night, he was doing just that when he was assigned to a machine next to the other man in our story. Bear in mind that this was not mentally taxing work. In fact, boredom was something they continuously contended with, each in their own way.

That night, over the humming of the machines, our young Marine heard a very distinctive voice talking about all of his possibilities and how to reach all of those goals he had set for himself simply by changing his thoughts. It was as if this man were speaking directly to him. And so he went in search of the source and found the other man listening to a portable radio. The man speaking on the radio was Earl Nightingale. It was a life-changing moment.

Immediately, our young Marine was determined! He decided to take on an extra job rather than just extra shifts to earn enough money to buy his own portable radio. He had discovered his mentor even before he knew what a mentor was, and did not want to miss a single opportunity to hear more! That encounter changed his life. That extra job? It was working as an attendant and mechanic at a local gas station. What happened? Ultimately, he didn’t just show up because he worked there as a mechanic. In time, he showed up because he owned the business.

I doubt that the other man in the story, if asked, would tell us that the most important thing he did that day was take his radio to work. He wouldn’t say that he changed lives just by listening to his radio. But for that young Marine, undoubtedly that was the case. It set his life on a different course. And as a result, it did the same for mine. That young Marine was my Dad.

Throughout my life, what I learned most from him, beyond the values of faith and family, was the miracle of personal leadership and development. He defied all of the odds. He surpassed every expectation. A deeply spiritual man, he did it all with quiet grace and humility, a legacy that endures.

There was never a time that he was not reading or later listening to recordings and tapes. In fact, I still have his books and some of those early recordings! From that late-night shift in the factory until his last breath on earth, my Dad lived a life that celebrated learning and growth every day.

My Dad. He never lost sight of who he was. He never lost his vision of who he could become. And he never stopped growing into that man. He lived that legacy every day of his life. As a result, other lives were changed. And his legacy lives on in those lives. Including mine.

Thank you, Dad, for always showing us not only who you were but who we could be. Thank you for being a living example of how to become that person more every day. And thank you to the gentleman who was part of God’s plan for our lives and brought his radio to work so all of this would begin!

We recently crossed off the day on the calendar that was the 46th anniversary of my Dad’s death. In the earlier years, that day always brought some sadness, but over the course of my life, that has changed because I have recognized how everything about him has shaped me, even his death.

And so I share this story with you in memory and honor of him, and as a reminder to us all that while our time here may be brief, it is never without value.

I strive to always remember, as Earl Nightingale taught my Dad and he ultimately taught me:

“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.”

Live today like you want tomorrow to be.

Live well.

The post Take your radio to work day! appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the fifth and final installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can guide us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to ask questions that are relevant to where we are and what we need at any juncture, we have been reviewing five FAQs domains.

We move now to our final domain, Growth & Legacy.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Growth & Legacy

Some time ago, I wrote an article that has stayed with me. In fact, it’s one of my favorite pieces of my own writing if I’m allowed to admit that! The title of that message was this: Do Recipes Make You a Better Cook? 
 
As I was thinking about writing this final chapter of our FAQ series, I realized that while we’re discussing a specific domain, we’re also covering everything we’ve been reviewing together, because these FAQs culminate in two very specific outcomes. Growth and Legacy. They are stretching us, and in doing that, they are helping us leave our mark.
 
In that article, I shared the story of Chef Daniel Patterson. But the first question wasn’t about recipes. It was about GPS guidance systems. You see, Chef Patterson had gotten a new car, and it came with the then-default feature of GPS and navigation assistance. Initially, he resisted using it.
 
Then the day came when he decided to go ahead and take advantage of the technology. Before long, he recognized, like many of us, he had become dependent on it. Even when he went to places he frequented, he found himself relying on it. He was blindly following directions with no notice of his surroundings or where he was going.
 
When he realized what was happening, it startled him, and he began asking himself where else in life he (we) might be doing the same thing. Since he’s a chef, he naturally looked first at his world. Hence, the next question is whether recipes make us better cooks.
 
In fact, he himself wrote an entire article about it. It’s an excellent piece, and I encourage you to read it.

These words from that article were what inspired my own and brought it back to mind for this week’s message and wrapping up our series:
 
“Part of the problem with recipes today is that they seem to be predicated on the idea that a good recipe should eliminate the possibility of mistakes. But here’s a secret: Good cooks make mistakes all the time. They take wrong turns and end up in strange places. Their attention sharpens as they try to figure out where they are and how they got there. Eventually, they either reach their original destination or discover that wherever they stumbled into is really the best place to be. Sometimes it’s important to get lost.” 

Here’s what I wrote in my essay:
 
We are faced every day with “recipes.” Use these methods, these tools. Take each step in this order. Make sure you don’t substitute anything. In other words, if you want it to work, don’t change anything. In life and our work, I’m sure you recognize and hear the message as much as I do.

But what if that’s not right? What if the best result comes from using the recipe as a starting point rather than a rulebook? What if we start experimenting and venturing forward as creators and find our own results? That has far more appeal for me.
 
I want to encourage you to see the concept of FAQs or any guidance questions in this way. They are not meant to be prescriptive. They are meant, in fact, to help you get a little lost so that you can, in turn, find your way. They are simply a starting point. Experiment with them and venture out as the creator of your own, over and over again.
 
Remember that growth and legacy are the culmination of everything we’ve been exploring together. Identity, work, decisions, and rhythm set the stage, but growth is what keeps it alive, and legacy is what ensures it outlives us.

Why It Matters

Without growth and legacy, our questions risk being self-contained. Useful perhaps, but limited. When we add this domain, we stretch our perspective forward and outward. We begin to see that what we learn, contribute, and embody is not only for ourselves, but also for those who come after us.
 
This domain asks us to think about continuity.
 
What carries forward because we were here?

What are we making possible?

What to Look For

You’ll know it’s time to pay attention to this domain when: 

• Old answers start to feel too small for who you’re becoming.
• Others have started asking you for guidance, wisdom, or stories from your own journey.
• You’re unsure whether you are investing your time and energy in things that will last beyond your life or even this season.
• You begin to see traces of your influence showing up in the work, words, or choices of others.
• You want to shift your focus from what you’re achieving to the idea of impact.

Growth and Legacy FAQs

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state. Only choose those that resonate with you for the season you are in.

Here are a few starting points for the domain of Growth & Legacy: 

• What can I be learning now that future-me will thank me for?
• How can I grow in ways that expand what’s possible for others?
• What do I want to grow with me, and what do I want to grow beyond me?
• How can I be intentional about the influence my choices create?
• How can I define and live my legacy right now through achievement, relationships, values, or something else?
• What stories can I be shaping today that reflect the life I want to live?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions? 

• When your questions stir both hope and responsibility.
• When they anchor you in today while opening a window to tomorrow.
• When they shift your thinking from “what’s in it for me?” to “what’s possible because of me?”

Which brings us back to where we started. Do recipes make you a better cook? Not on their own. But they give you a starting point, a structure, a spark. The same is true here.

And that’s the point. It was never just about the questions. It’s about what they guide you to see, to choose, and to create.
 
Here’s one final thought from Chef Patterson to help:
 
“Cookbooks should teach us how to cook, not just follow instructions. By paying attention, a cook should be able to internalize the process, rendering the written recipes obsolete. The point of a recipe should be to help us find our own way.” 

Read the recipe (FAQ). Learn from it. Then close the book. Create your masterpiece in cooking and in life.
 
Why? Because your FAQs are not meant to stay on the page. They’re meant to guide your next steps.

This Week’s Additional Resources:

• The Second Mountain by David Brooks
• David Whyte’s poem “What to Remember When Waking”
• Holy Moments by Matthew Kelly
• The Rhythm of Life by Matthew Kelly
• Adjusted Sails: What Does This Make Possible by Kathi Laughman (Included with Kindle Unlimited)

The post FAQ Series: Growth & Legacy – What will you make possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the fourth installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we are exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we are looking at five different FAQs domains.

We have covered the first three domains and are moving on to Integration and Rhythm.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Integration & Rhythm

When you live your life
in harmony with your purpose,
there is no conflict or dissonance,
only clarity and direction.
~Kathi Laughman

This week’s topic is one of my favorites because I have spent much of my professional life focused on how to use effective integration to create bridges. Whether it has been between various groups, companies, trading partners, software solutions, or even entire industries, effective integration has been, for me, the ultimate playground for innovation.

Whether we are talking about our life, our work, or any of our roles, it isn’t about balancing competing silos. Like a beautiful tapestry, integration is about weaving things together. Then the rhythm is the tempo. It’s how your commitments, values, and energy flow together without forcing harmony where it doesn’t exist.

But even more than those silos, it’s key to know that integration isn’t about smashing all the pieces of a disparate group into one tidy puzzle. It’s more like jazz. Each instrument (your roles, goals, commitments, values) has its own sound, but the music only works when they listen to one another.

Rhythm provides the tempo, the pacing, the groove that keeps the music going.

Integration is about coherence; rhythm is about sustainability.

The most important thing I look for in a musician
is whether he knows how to listen.
~ Duke Ellington

Why It Matters

When we live without integration, life sounds more like competing noise than music. When we live without rhythm, even good things wear us down because we’re out of tempo. Together, integration and rhythm help us create a life that works in harmony, not because everything is easy, but because everything fits.

Without rhythm, even integrated priorities collapse under exhaustion. Integration ensures alignment, while rhythm ensures longevity.

What to Look For

• Are your priorities creating harmony or dissonance?
• Do your commitments flow together, or do they compete?
• Is your pace sustainable, or are you sprinting through a marathon?
• Do you have natural “rests” built in, like pauses in a song, that make the music stronger?
• Is your calendar consistent with your deeper story?

It’s taken me all my life to learn what not to play.
~Dizzy Gillespie

Integration and Rhythm FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state. Only choose those that resonate with you for the season you are in.

• What daily or weekly rhythms help me feel most alive and support my best work?
• What would integration look like if I treated my life less like a checklist and more like a composition? (My personal favorite!)
• What is the integration I’ve been resisting?
• Where do I need to slow down or speed up to restore balance?
• Where in my life do I feel most “out of tune,” and what would bring it back into harmony?
• How can I create natural pauses or “rests” in my schedule that strengthen the overall flow?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?  

• The noise starts to quiet.
• You begin to notice less friction and more flow.
• You no longer feel like you’re juggling parts.
• Instead, you feel like you’re directing an ensemble.
• There’s a sense of coherence between what you want and what you’re doing.
• Your calendar feels like an ally instead of an enemy.

Integration and rhythm aren’t about perfect balance. They are essentially about freedom. Like jazz, the beauty isn’t in playing every note, but in choosing the right ones, and leaving space where silence belongs.

When your life begins to sound more like music than noise, you know you’ve found your rhythm. And from that rhythm, possibility opens. Not because you control every beat, but because you trust yourself enough to improvise.

And, by the way, here’s the best part: when you find your rhythm, you make space for others to join in. The music grows, the themes expand, and what you’ve created becomes more than a moment. It becomes a legacy. That’s where we’re headed next: Growth & Legacy.

This Week’s Additional Resources:

Note: This domain’s resources are a reading list I’ve put together for you because so many of you have said this is an area where you face the greatest resistance.

The idea, even fear, of doing less to accomplish more is so foreign to us that it’s no wonder we push back on that harder than anything. Each of these books speaks to something in that ongoing riff we have going with ourselves.

Check them out and then choose the one that makes the back of your neck tingle a bit. It’s likely the one you most need to read next. 

• The Art of Possibility — Rosamund Stone Zander & Benjamin Zander

Blends the perspectives of a symphony conductor and a psychotherapist to show how possibility thinking reshapes how we work, create, and live. A beautiful reminder that life, like music, expands when we choose to see what’s possible.

• Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less — Alex Soojung-Kim Pang

Challenges the myth that harder work equals better results. Pang draws on science and stories from great thinkers (from Darwin to Stephen King) to show why deliberate rest fuels creativity and productivity.

• The Infinite Game – Simon Sinek

Finite games, like football or chess, have known players, fixed rules, and a clear endpoint. The winners and losers are easily identified. Infinite games, games with no finish line, like business or politics, or life itself, have players who come and go. (Think of a symphony vs. a jazz trio).  Simon Sinek offers a framework for leading (and living) with a commitment to a vision of a future world so appealing that we will build it week after week, month after month, year after year, even though we do not know the exact form this world will take. 

• Slow Productivity – Cal Newport

Drawing from deep research on the habits and mindsets of a varied cast of storied thinkers from Galileo and Isaac Newton to Jane Austen and Georgia O’Keeffe, Newport lays out the key principles of “slow productivity,” a more sustainable alternative to the aimless overwhelm that defines our current moment.

• Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and total involvement with life. Csikszentmihalyi demonstrates the ways this positive state can be controlled, not just left to chance, so that we can discover true happiness, unlock our potential, and greatly improve the quality of our lives.

• Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives – Richard A. Swenson

Margin is the space that once existed between ourselves and our limits. Today, most of our lives are marginless as we battle overwhelm, burnout, and hurry. But there is a path to the life of balance and peace we crave. The benefits can be good health, financial stability, fulfilling relationships, and availability for your divine purpose.

• Elastic Habits: How to Create Smarter Habits That Adapt to Your Day – Stephen Guise

No two days are the same. By making your habits elastic, you can adapt to conquer every unique day of your life. The ultimate improv approach! Elastic habits give you an answer for every situation. Any dread or sense of monotony you’ve felt about forming habits will disappear, because this system is dynamic and exciting.

The post FAQ Series: Integration & Rhythm-Bringing Possibilities to Life appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the third installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we explore questions that can serve as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help us based on our current situation and needs at any juncture, we are examining five different FAQ domains.

We’ve now covered the first two, and we’re moving on to Decision-Making & Direction this week.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Decision Making & Direction

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. ~Tony Robbins

When I went back to college in my 50s, it wasn’t because I suddenly had spare time. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to the mix was going to be a challenge without question.

What pushed me wasn’t ambition for its own sake, but frustration and the realization that I was passing up many opportunities simply because I didn’t have a degree. I decided to stop complaining about it and act.

My field of study this time around was Organizational Psychology, and one of my first classes was Effective Decision-Making. I thought it would be an easy filler. After all, I had many years of decisions already under my belt by this time. But it turned out to be one of the most transformative courses I’ve ever taken.

It changed how I thought about decisions, not just as choices but as turning points that could open new paths. I recognized their critical link to creating and honoring direction. That class and season of life became one of my favorites because I could feel how each decision was shaping the future in real time.

Why it Matters

Every decision shapes our story, whether by action or by delay. But not all decisions are equal, and without a framework, we risk drifting or reacting instead of choosing with intention.

But the framework doesn’t just mean drawing a line on a piece of paper and listing pros and cons. Not a bad exercise at times, but I’m talking about something more.

The framework that has served me has four parts or pillars.

• Clarity of Direction: Without a sense of where you’re headed, every option can feel equally urgent or equally confusing. Clarity doesn’t mean you know every detail of the future; it means you’ve chosen a general heading. When you name your desired direction, it becomes much easier to recognize whether a decision moves you closer or pulls you off course. 

Before weighing the details of any choice, pause and ask: What am I ultimately working toward?  Naming the direction helps you evaluate whether the choice is a step forward or a detour.

• Courage: Most of the decisions that shape our lives are not comfortable ones. They require stepping into uncertainty, risking rejection, or facing failure. Courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to choose in spite of it. When we hesitate too long, the decision often gets made for us by default, and that is rarely the choice we would have made with intention. 

This means we need to call our hesitation into question. Ask yourself: Am I avoiding this choice because it challenges me, or because it’s truly unwise? Comfort-driven decisions often seem easier at the time but can lead to regret later.

• Consequence: Every yes is also a no. Decisions always carry trade-offs, whether in time, money, energy, or opportunity. Too often, we look only at what we gain from a choice, not what it will cost us. Considering consequences doesn’t mean we never take risks; it means we take them with our eyes open. 

When facing a decision, consider all the potential outcomes and risks. When we weigh both sides honestly, we take ownership of our choices rather than feel blindsided by them later.

• Alignment: A decision that looks good on paper can still be wrong if it doesn’t align with your deeper values and long-term story. Alignment asks: Does this choice fit who I want to be and what I want my life to stand for? It also asks if this decision is in alignment with all of the other priorities you are working from in any given season. When decisions are aligned, they may still be difficult, but they carry a sense of integrity and peace that sustains us through the challenges.

Always view decisions through the lens of your future self. Does this decision help you build the kind of life or work you want to be known for? Or does it compromise something you know matters deeply to you? Alignment ensures that progress isn’t just movement, it’s movement in the right direction.

What to Look For 

• Replaying the same choice over and over without resolution.
• Waiting so long to decide that circumstances decide for you.
• Saying yes automatically and only realizing later what you’ve said no to.
• Second-guessing yourself after every choice instead of moving forward with it.
• Choosing what feels comfortable now but leaves you stuck later.
• Avoiding opportunities because you’re afraid of getting it “wrong.”

The two biggest barriers to good decision-making
are your ego and your blind spots.
Together, they make it difficult for you to
objectively see what is true about you and
your circumstances and to
make the best possible decisions.
 
~ Ray Dalio

Decision-Making and Direction FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state.

This week, we’re focused on the four pillars. Together, they invite us to consider these questions: 

• Am I clear on where I’m going?
• Am I willing to choose courage over comfort?
• Am I being honest about the trade-offs?
• Am I aligned with my deeper story?

When those four are in place, you can step forward with confidence even if the outcome isn’t guaranteed because you’ve made the best decision available to you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?

• They move you from confusion to clarity.
• They help you recognize both opportunity and consequence.
• They create momentum, and you can sense the next step more clearly.
• They invite courage, not just comfort.
• They connect today’s choices to tomorrow’s story.

In the long run, we shape our lives,
and we shape ourselves.
The process never ends until we die.
And the choices we make
are ultimately our own responsibility.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

When I look back at my decision to return to college, I can see now how it rested on all four pillars of strong decision-making. At the time, I didn’t have this language for it, but I was living it.

• Clarity of Direction: I knew exactly why I was going back. I was tired of being passed over or holding myself back because I didn’t have a degree. My direction was clear: I wanted to create new opportunities by removing that barrier.
• Courage: The choice wasn’t convenient. I was a single mom, working full-time, and adding school full-time to my plate. It would have been easier to stay where I was. Choosing school required courage to step into the unknown and believe I could carry the load.
• Consequence: I understood there would be costs. Time, energy, money, and countless late nights were all real trade-offs. But I also saw that the greater cost would be doing nothing and remaining stuck where I was.
• Alignment: At the heart of it, going back to school aligned with who I wanted to be. Growth, resilience, and possibility had always been part of my story. This choice honored those values and set an example I hoped my daughter would carry forward in her own life, and she has.

That decision didn’t just earn me a degree. It changed how I saw myself and how I shaped my future. It confirmed what I now believe with certainty: We really are always just one decision away from a different direction.

Remember that decisions are where true possibility begins.

Of course, decisions don’t stand alone. Once we’ve chosen a direction, the real test is weaving those choices into the rhythms of our daily lives and ensuring they integrate with the bigger picture.

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books):
 
Thinking in Bets — Annie Duke
Principles — Ray Dalio
The Road to Character — David Brooks
Right Thing, Right Now – Ryan Holiday
The Power of No: Because One Little Word Can Bring Health, Abundance, and Happiness – James Altucher and Claudia Altucher

The post FAQ Series: Decision-Making & Direction – What Do I Want To Be Possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the second installment of our Personal FAQs series, where we are exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives.

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Domain: Work and Contribution

“What you do makes a difference,
and you have to decide
what kind of difference
you want to make.”
~ Jane Goodall

We often define ourselves by what we do. The title in our email signature. The headline on our LinkedIn profile. The responsibilities we list on a résumé.

But here’s the truth: The real question isn’t what you do. It’s what disappears if you don’t.

What difference does your work really make?

Work is how we spend our hours. Contribution is the imprint those hours leave behind. Sometimes they align beautifully. Other times, we stay busy but wonder why it feels hollow. We produce, but don’t necessarily contribute.

Contribution doesn’t always come from a job. It also shows up when you mentor, create, volunteer, parent, or simply show up for someone. What matters isn’t where it happens, but whether it carries meaning and whether it sparks something only you can spark.

That spark is the key. Like a single flame in a box of unlit matches, your work matters most where it ignites something no one else could.

This domain is about strategy: the discipline of continually reviewing what you’re doing and the difference it’s making. Because what mattered yesterday might not matter today. And just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean it deserves your best energy.

When your work and your contribution align, possibilities expand, not only for you, but for everyone touched by what you do.

“Far and away the best prize that life offers
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Why It Matters

• Work without contribution is hollow. It may keep you busy, but it doesn’t move anything forward.
• Contribution without strategy is fragile. Good intentions can burn you out if they’re not aligned with sustainable effort.
• Continuous review is essential. Work and contribution are dynamic. What was once your best expression may now need to evolve.

What to Look For

• Places where your work grows, but your impact doesn’t.
• Signs that your contribution is more visible to others than to you.
• Efforts that drain you but don’t create a meaningful or lasting difference.
• Spaces where your contribution creates ripples far beyond the immediate outcome.

Work and Contribution FAQs:

Remember that these FAQs aren’t about grand revelations. They are about grounding. They are prompts designed to invite honesty and curiosity about our current and future state.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge. Choose only those that speak to you now. 

• Where does my contribution align most clearly with what I say I value, and where does it conflict?
• What question would never get asked in the room if I weren’t there to ask it?
• If I measured my work by ripple effect instead of output, how would the scoreboard change?
• What part of my contribution is invisible but essential?
• If my work stopped tomorrow, who or what would notice first, and who wouldn’t notice at all?
• What doesn’t happen if I don’t show up, and what new possibility appears because I do?
• What am I protecting that no longer needs me, and what am I neglecting that only I can protect?
• When does my contribution create possibilities for others, and when might it unintentionally get in their way?
• Am I building something that outlives me, or am I simply exchanging hours for results?

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?

• You start measuring your work by impact, not output.
• You can name contributions that are uniquely yours and protect space for them.
• You begin pruning and letting go of work that looks good but doesn’t really matter.
• You notice ripple effects from the difference your contribution makes in other people’s ability to contribute. 

“Plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit.”
~Nelson Henderson

This Week’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

Books

• Pam Slim – Body of Work → frames your life’s contributions as a portfolio, not just jobs.
• Simon Sinek – The Infinite Game → reframes contribution as a long game, not a quick win.
• Michael Bungay Stanier – How to Begin → practical guidance for choosing and pursuing what matters.
• David Brooks – The Second Mountain → explores the shift from success-driven work to contribution-driven life.

Assessments & Strategy Tools

• Jonathan Fields – Sparked (book) Sparketype (assessment) → a practical tool for identifying the kind of work that sparks you, especially if you’re unsure what contribution is uniquely yours.
• SkillFlow (discovery tool) → a method for reviewing how your skills flow into contributions, surfacing what only you can give, aligned with identity and impact. (This link is to the message on this tool I developed. If you are interested in knowing more, just let me know.)

Talks

• Simon Sinek – How Great Leaders Inspire Action → His signature message about the power of beginning with WHY
• Michael Ivanov → Inspiring author and speaker on leading with purpose and reaching your full potential

The post FAQ Series: Work and Contribution – What Do I Make Possible? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome to the first post in our Personal FAQs series, where we will be exploring questions that can serve us as we continuously recenter, realign, and move forward with clarity throughout our lives. 

To make it easier to have questions that can help based on where we are and what we need at any juncture, we’ll be looking at five different FAQs domains.

The Five Personal FAQ Domains:

1. Identity & Purpose
2. Work & Contribution
3. Decision-Making & Direction
4. Integration & Rhythm
5. Growth & Legacy

Having core FAQs across all domains isn’t about reaching final answers. It’s about staying present to who we’re becoming and how that impacts other aspects of our life and body of work.

However, our first domain is where they all have their genesis and foundation.

We’re beginning with the domain at the center of everything: Identity & Purpose.
 
We think of identity as something we discover. But the truth is, it is something that we continue to uncover. It evolves. And when it does, our purpose can as well. That’s why the pairing is important.
 
The key is to understand that for both, change is always part of the equation in some form.
 
In my book, Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? I share a personal experience with this. When my daughter got married, and I was facing that empty-nest season, I started by asking the usual questions: Is she okay? What does she need? How can I support her?
 
But the more important questions were not about her at all. They were about me and my role in life. What was I going to do now? Who would need me? How could I adjust to MY new life? Those questions were harder. I was unprepared for them.
 
Our roles will always change. And with those changes, who we are beneath them and how we define purpose for ourselves is something we’re invited to revisit again and again.
 
That season of navigating the empty nest was a significant disruption to my sense of identity and purpose. At the time, family was the core of how I defined both. But over the years, and through many transitions since, that definition has continued to expand.

That is, once again, why this domain is so important. This is the root system. Before clarity in strategy, productivity, or even alignment, we need to be anchored in who we are and why we’re here. For solopreneurs and professionals, especially those building values-driven lives and businesses, identity isn’t just personal—it’s structural.

Identity & Purpose FAQs:

The questions that helped me navigate transitions like going from full-time single mom to someone exploring new callings weren’t always the ones I expected.

I didn’t need grand revelations. I needed grounding. I needed prompts that gave me room to be honest. Questions that invited curiosity rather than demanded clarity.

That’s how these FAQs work best. They aren’t here to define us. They’re here to help us uncover what’s trying to emerge.

• What qualities in myself feel most alive, most true, in this season?
• Who am I becoming by choice, not just by circumstance?
• If someone were to describe the legacy I’m living in this season, what would I want them to say?
• What environments or moments help me feel most connected to myself? And which ones disconnect me?
• What values have I outgrown as my primary priorities, or am I now ready to release?
• What labels or roles no longer reflect who I am?
• What forgotten parts of me want to re-emerge?
• What parts of myself am I still waiting to be “ready enough” to share?
• Where am I compromising who I am in order to be who I think I should be?
• What would I choose if I didn’t need to explain it to anyone?

In this context, the best questions aren’t the ones that give us answers. They’re the ones that give us pause and change how we see ourselves. That’s what these are meant to do.

Also, remember that your FAQs aren’t questions designed to be answered once. They’re meant to travel with you.

How do you know you’re asking the right questions?
 
They don’t just make you think, they help you see.
 
The right questions about identity and purpose don’t just remind you of who you’ve been. They reconnect you with who you’re becoming. They clarify what matters most to you now and illuminate the next right step.
 
The result of asking good questions in this domain isn’t a perfect label or a polished personal mission statement.
 
It’s movement that leads you to a deepening awareness of what gives your life meaning, and a growing sense of alignment between who you are and how you show up in the world.
 
That’s how you know. You feel less lost in the noise of expectations and more at home in your own story.

A Shift You Might Notice

Sometimes, you’ll revisit a familiar question and discover a completely different answer.

That can be because we move into a different season so we have a definite change in our primary roles. But it can also simply be because we grow. We learn more about ourselves and how we want to interact with our world.

The questions stayed the same. We changed.

And that’s the beauty of these FAQs. They can and will evolve as we do.

As we grow, so will the opportunities for us and the ways we express ourselves.

But it starts with giving ourselves permission to grow. When we give ourselves permission to grow, we allow new perspectives to come into view.

So, here’s a bonus question for our first domain:

• If I gave myself full permission to live on purpose today, what would I do differently?

This Domain’s Additional Resources (Books, Podcasts):

1. Awake at the Wheel by Jonathan Fields on Substack and his podcast The Good Life Project.
2. Essentialism by Greg McKeown – A powerful reminder that purpose often lives just on the other side of letting go.
3. Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud – One of the most powerful and impactful books I’ve ever read on purposeful change. Something doesn’t have to be broken for it to be ready for change. Just as we prune our plants, we must often let go of what looks like a perfectly good branch so that better ones can emerge and grow.

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