Author’s note: Selecting the right image for each article I write is part of the work. But it’s also a part I relish because I’m a visual person myself. When I come across something that halts my eye, I know I’ve found it. As it happened this week. What you see in the image above is something hikers will recognize. It’s a trail marker. It’s information for hikers, left by someone who went before. For us, it confirms that failure can be framed as a useful signal rather than a warning. Either from our own previous experience or that of others.

You delay the decision. You research it one more time. You hold onto the thing longer than you should. You avoid the conversation.

Do any of those sound familiar? They certainly do to me.

We tell ourselves we’re being careful, or just thorough. That we’re being responsible. But most of the time, we’re only fooling ourselves with those platitudes.

We’re not weighing the decision at all — we’re avoiding what we think failure would mean if we got it wrong.

We’ve been taught to read failure as a warning sign. Something to flinch from. Something that shows up at the end of a bad decision, confirming we shouldn’t have made it.

But what if we’ve been reading the signal backwards?

What if failure isn’t the consequence of a decision — but one of the inputs required to make better ones?

Here’s the line I keep coming back to from the work I’m doing now:

Everything makes something else possible. Including failure.

Failure isn’t there to stop you. It’s there to work for you — if you’ll let it.

That shift — from failure as risk to failure as a resource — changes everything downstream. It changes what you’re willing to try. It changes how long you will sit with a decision before you make it. And it changes what you do with the ones that don’t go the way you hoped.

All of that brought me to the thoughts I want to share with you here and to walk through what failure actually does for us when we stop treating it like an enemy and start treating it like a collaborator.

Seven things, one for each letter of the word itself.

F — Freedom

A — Awareness

I — Interrupt

L — Leverage

U — Uncover

R — Reframe

E — Elevate

That’s a progression.

Release. See clearly. Break the pattern. Use what you’ve got. Expand the possible. Change the meaning. Rise with it.

That’s the arc. Let’s walk it together.

FREEDOM

There are many reasons we avoid decisions. But the reason most people will give, when pressed, is fear. Not just any fear — the fear of failure. What if I get it wrong? What if this derails everything? So fixated on what could go wrong, we lose sight of what we’re resisting on the other side of the decision.

That’s why, to fully embrace failure as not just an unavoidable part of life but a necessary part of success, we have to free ourselves of that fear. Once we recognize that we have agency over the decision and everything that follows, we can see it as part of how and what we build, rather than a verdict on our worth.

For many years, I passed up opportunities to advance in my career because I was afraid I would be rejected for not having a college degree. I didn’t think I would fail at the job. I thought I would fail at getting the job. Rather than have to face that rejection (failure), I just didn’t try.

I decided to call my own bluff and went back to college in my 50s, finishing the degree. What I found out was that the opportunities had never been beyond me. I was placing myself beyond them. What I learned from going back to college was that the degree didn’t open doors. Deciding I was allowed to knock on them did. And when I looked back, I saw how many doors I’d walked past because I’d decided — before anyone else got a vote — that they weren’t mine to open.

I realized there were many lost chances due to that false narrative. That’s what fear does. It gives us a picture that’s meant to contain us, not free us. Failure, on the other hand, is there to do just the opposite. It sets us free from that fear so that we can move.

AWARENESS

I spent a good portion of my career in business intelligence. We gathered data, studied it, sorted it, and handed it back so others could make better decisions. But no matter how thorough we were, it didn’t always lead to the best choices — because there’s no way to fully exhaust the data or model every scenario that could happen. In many cases, what we missed only became visible after the decision had already missed the mark.

That’s the hard truth about information. It can only tell you what’s knowable in advance. And most of the decisions that matter live in the space where the knowable runs out.

Failure is what reaches into that space. It shows you what the research couldn’t — not because the research was bad, but because some things simply cannot be known until you move. Over-research is my trap. And what I’ve had to learn, slowly, is that over-research is fear wearing the costume of diligence. It looks productive. It looks responsible. But past a certain point, more data isn’t making the decision clearer — it’s just delaying the moment when you find out what you couldn’t have known anyway.

Failure gives you that information in a way no report ever could. It also does something else, something I didn’t expect: it shows you how much of what you feared was never real to begin with. Most of the catastrophes we spend our energy trying to prevent never actually arrive. The ones that do arrive are usually smaller and more survivable than the version we built in our heads.

That’s awareness. Not just seeing what happened. Seeing what was real.

INTERRUPT

There’s a meeting you’ve been meaning to have. A hire you know isn’t working. A direction the business took eighteen months ago that hasn’t played out the way you thought it would. You keep moving. The calendar fills. The quarter closes. And the thing you know isn’t right keeps getting ignored.

Then something happens. A client leaves. A number comes in low. A conversation you weren’t expecting forces the issue into the open. And for a moment — usually an uncomfortable one — everything stops.

That moment is the gift. Most of us treat it like a setback.

Failure interrupts. That’s its job. Not to end the journey, but to break the momentum long enough for you to see what the momentum was hiding. It’s the trail marker on the tree — the painted exclamation mark that tells the hiker the path just changed, pay attention. It isn’t telling you to turn around. It’s telling you that autopilot stopped working a while ago, and you didn’t notice until right now.

The hardest part isn’t the interruption itself. It’s what we do with the pause it creates. Most of us rush to fill it. We explain the number. We reframe the client departure. We tell ourselves a story that puts the momentum back where it was, because momentum feels safer than stopping. But the pause is where the choice lives. The pause is the whole point.

When you let the interruption actually land — when you let the failure do what it came to do — you get something you can’t get any other way: a clean look at the path you were on, from a standing position. You can see the turn that’s already happened. You can choose what comes next instead of inheriting it from what came before.

That’s what failure is offering when it interrupts you. Not a verdict. A vantage point.

LEVERAGE

What does this make possible? It’s the closest I have ever come to having a true-life mantra. It’s not about being opportunistic. It’s about leverage. If you believe, as I do, that everything makes something else possible, failure has to be in that realm as well.

When I wrote my first book nearly 10 years ago, it focused on resilience.  The title is Adjusted Sails: What does this make possible? I had gone from an empty nest season to losing my job to facing a significant health scare. All within a condensed amount of time. Wave after wave of what felt like getting knocked down. I had to find a way to get back up. It started with understanding each of those situations as something other than failure.

That’s where I realized we already have what we need, when we need it — if we’re willing to see it. And to invest it as a resource into what’s next. That’s the essence of leverage.

What we might initially see as failure is ripe with possibilities for leverage. Not just within that moment, but for the future as well.

I learned that the failures I was trying to hide were the very ones that could be teaching the most. And not just because what you bury, you repeat. Because it is also often where you have the most potent opportunity to serve others.

UNCOVER

There’s an old saying — it’s been attributed to Alexander Graham Bell, to Helen Keller, and to Cervantes before either of them — that when one door closes, another opens, but we often look so long and regretfully at the closed door that we miss the one that has opened for us.

The quote has traveled through so many voices because the pattern it names is that universal. We stare. We linger. We replay the closing. And while we’re doing that, something else is becoming available that we aren’t looking at yet.

That’s what failure does at the level of a single decision. It closes a door you were counting on, and while you’re standing there trying to understand why, it’s revealing something else. Information you didn’t have. A possibility you couldn’t see from where you were standing. A version of the path that was never visible to you until this door had to close.

The same pattern shows up in the physical world all the time, at a much larger scale.

Earthquakes reveal to us what the Earth is made of. Seismic activity has taught geologists more about the planet’s interior than any other source of information. When the plates shift, they expose rock that had been buried for millions of years. What feels like a catastrophe from the surface is also — at the same time — the only way certain information about the world becomes available.

The science is one thing. Living it is another.

When my daughter and her family moved to Alaska in 2018, they experienced a 7.1 earthquake that November. What I watched them learn over the months that followed wasn’t just how to prepare for the next one. It was how to live alongside the knowledge that the ground could move again at any time. They had to make peace with a kind of uncertainty most of us never have to reckon with directly. You see and feel things differently when you’ve been inside them.

My own version was milder. I was stuck in an elevator in California during a quake once. The whole building swayed. There was nothing to do but wait. When it stopped, and the doors finally opened, I walked out into a world that had been rearranged by something I couldn’t see and couldn’t control. I couldn’t tell you what had changed. But I knew something had.

That’s what failure does, too. The shaking ends. The doors open. And the world you walk into is not the one you walked out of.

REFRAME

The idea of framing and reframing was more literal for me before I decided to pursue life coaching as a possible next career season.

I love art. I always have. Some of my treasured pieces go back decades. But of note is the fact that I rarely kept the artwork in its original frame. In fact, sometimes I bought a piece just for the frame because I had a different, but perfect painting for it.

So when the master coach who led the training cohort said that one of the key values coaching brings is the ability to help ourselves and others reframe situations, events, and ideas — it became an extension of what I’d already discovered in a physical application.

How we see things depends, in part, on how they’re presented to us. But only in part — because we can change the presentation. That’s what reframing is. And it’s led me to one of my favorite discoveries: perspective is truth in motion. Because we can change where we’re standing, we can see what’s true from a different place.

But changing perspective isn’t spontaneous combustion. It needs a catalyst. And quite often, what we first see as failure is exactly that.

The question then becomes what the failure is trying to show us. Not to review what happened, but to change what happens next.

As a possibilitarian, I try to live by another often-quoted truth: when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. Failure is one of the forces that lets that shift happen. It hands you the new frame whether you asked for it or not.

Failure doesn’t change the facts of what happened. A different frame doesn’t change the actual painting. But in both cases, the meaning changes. And the meaning is almost always what we were really responding to in the first place.

ELEVATE

Some of my favorite memories from childhood and my teenage years are of family trips from our home in Ohio to West Virginia. We went to visit my grandparents and to see the places where my parents had grown up.

One spot that my Dad and I frequented was Hawk’s Nest State Park. We climbed the peak of Gauley Mountain for the breathtaking view of the New River below. I didn’t just see a place. I saw history. My Cherokee ancestors had lived along that river. They had walked where we were walking. They had stood on this ridge. I didn’t have anything to prove that other than how it felt, but their story became real to me from that elevation.

Sometimes, we cannot see what it is we need to see until we can go to a higher plane.  It’s still about perspective, but it takes stepping out of the frame for this one.

When we are in the throes of what feels like failure, it can be easy to see only what is staring us in the face when what we need is to rise above that and see the whole vista. When we do, two things happen. Where we are becomes clearer. And what’s just beyond us — the thing we couldn’t see from the ground — comes into view. Failure is often what lifts us high enough to see both at once.

You don’t get better at decisions by making more of them; you get better by letting each failure raise the floor you make the next one from. Because once you’ve experienced the view from above, you’ll know how to find it again.

Which of those attributes of failure resonated most with you? While these do show a progression, it doesn’t mean that every failure does all of them every time. And, you may find, as I did, that as you work through them, you also begin to improve your overall decision framework because the lens keeps adjusting.

In his recently released book, How to Get a Return on Failure: Fail Smarter—Return Stronger, John C. Maxwell talks about this as moving from apprehension to appreciation of failure. His thesis is that to get a return on something, we have to first appreciate its value.

“Appreciating failure means properly estimating the advantages it brings as you learn from it. The ability to deal with failure opens doors to the exploration of new territory and a life of greater potential.”

That progression from apprehension to appreciation is what the seven letters are tracing. Freedom is where apprehension loosens its grip. Elevate is where appreciation finally settles in. Everything in between is the work of getting from one to the other.

Here are three ways you can begin that practice for yourself:

1. Pick one decision you’ve been circling for more than two weeks. Not the biggest one — just one. Now ask: am I stuck because the decision is actually unclear, or because I haven’t decided what failure would mean if I got it wrong? (Write down the answer before you do anything else.)
2. Look at the four behaviors I’ve mentioned — delaying, over-researching, holding on, and avoiding. Which one is running right now, in your life, today? (Name the decision underneath it. That’s where failure can work for you.)
3. For the next decision you face this week, don’t ask “what if this fails?” Ask “what could failure here make possible?” (Then decide.)

The decision you’ve been avoiding isn’t waiting for more information. It’s waiting for you to decide what failure would mean — and decide it doesn’t mean what you’ve been telling yourself it means. That’s the only decision underneath the decision. Everything else is just the path.

When we stay focused on finding the good in every situation — and on what it is making possible — success becomes inevitable.

That’s what I want for you, for all of us.

The post What do we keep missing about failure? appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Two women were born in 1933. One in France. One in America.

The woman born in France was Jewish. Her name was Francine.

The American girl was born in a small town in West Virginia. She was a second-generation Cherokee. Her name was Peggy.

They came from different parts of the world and would face very different challenges. What they shared was coming into the world in the year Hitler came into power. That became part of both of their stories.

By the time Francine was eight years old, her father had been taken into custody as a prisoner of war. She had to wear the yellow star on her chest, marking her as Jewish. She and her mother were eventually taken to the Bergen-Belsen camp in Germany. Francine’s mother took two small pieces of chocolate with her, knowing there would be hard days ahead. She told her daughter she would save them for when they grew weak and needed strength. The chocolate would help get them through.

When another woman gave birth in the camp, Francine’s mother asked her if she thought they should give their chocolate to the struggling woman to help her have the strength to survive the birth. Francine didn’t hesitate and readily agreed. Despite dire conditions, both mother and child survived.

Six months later, British troops rescued them, and the camp was liberated. Francine and her mother were able to return to France, as did the other mother and child.

Life moved on from those dark days for all of them. Francine went on to write books and poetry and give lectures about her time in the camps. And give birth to her own daughter.

Many years later, when she was in her 80s, her daughter asked if she thought it would have helped her and the others freed from the camps if they had been given access to psychiatrists. She said she couldn’t say, mental health wasn’t something they even spoke of then. It was about survival. But that question inspired her to put together a symposium on the subject.

When one of the psychiatrists who had come to speak took her place at the podium, she began by saying she had a special gift for Francine and took out a piece of chocolate. She smiled warmly at Francine and said, “I’m the baby.”

Can you imagine the depth of feeling as the two women meet again after all those years? 

We don’t often get to see what comes from those moments of sacrifice. I found it very moving that they had a second divine appointment to meet. Somehow, you begin to understand from that moment that Francine and her mother gave so much more than a piece of chocolate.

The power of story always remains.

Listen to her tell her story in her own voice and words

Going back to our young girl growing up in West Virginia, her life took on a very different shape because of the war as well. Her mother worked as a tailor, making uniforms for soldiers fighting in Europe, to save those like Francine and her mother. Other friends and family lost loved ones who wore those uniforms. Their sacrifices were different. None compared to what Francine and her family experienced. But that time shaped everyone who lived through it.

That girl grew up, married a Marine, and moved to Ohio, where, in 1955, she gave birth to her first child, a daughter. Me.

I knew that my grandmother’s life had been changed by that war, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that my mother’s life began during that time. When I first heard Francine speak, I realized that they were contemporaries. The children also have their own stories to tell.

Listening to Francine talk about her conversation with her daughter, I thought of my own conversations with my mother.

I remember a telephone conversation with my Mom one summer, when I lived with my great-aunt and uncle in downtown Cleveland. My great aunt was recovering from heart surgery, and they needed help. On our call, I lamented missing home and my freedom. My mother reminded me that I wasn’t there for me.

She said I was born to fulfill a purpose, and that opportunities to make a difference would come throughout my life. They would never be a burden in the end, but a gift. It was the genesis of my understanding of having a purpose in the world and in my life. And the joy that would bring. She prophesied that into and over my life many times. She also modeled that in her own life. I have never forgotten it.

I find myself yearning again for conversations about her life with questions I never thought to ask. But still, I am comforted by the conversations we did have and my memories of her.

Thinking about both of these women, born in 1933, I’m reminded that no matter what our circumstances may be at any given time in our lives, we all have something to give. We are all called to give of ourselves, even to sacrifice at times. And, it is always a gift for us to have that opportunity.

It’s an important reminder and question to ask of ourselves with every encounter. How can I best serve in this moment?

The post The stories of two women born in 1933 appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Resilience is demonstrated by what we create from our life experiences.

And with that, what we create has everything to do with our perspective. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you are right.” 

This is particularly true when we touch on what we create.

Perhaps you don’t even see yourself as someone who creates anything, but I can assure you that you do. Each of us is a creative, and we all have an innate need to create. It goes well beyond what we might think of as creative for art, music, writing, etc. Even within those disciplines, the basics already exist. It is what we make of them that becomes our creation.

A teacher creates a learning experience.

A musician creates a performance.

A photographer creates an image.

A writer creates a story or message.

A leader creates a team.

An entrepreneur creates a business.

An accountant creates a report.

Each takes something and, through their own unique application, transforms it into something else.

But there is more to this that merits consideration.

Here is a thought-provoking insight from Picasso that transcends the original application intended beyond art:

“There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.”

No matter what we create, the transformation can either deliver brilliance or diminish the light. We each have that choice. We each have that power.

This is also true of our lives. We can allow our brilliance to diminish to that yellow spot.  Or through curiosity, creativity, and intelligence, we can transform our lives into bright shining suns of endless possibilities.

The real insight is that in both cases, it is not about resources, talent or skill.  It is about perspective and choice.  What do you see?  What do you create?

But what if we struggle to believe we have that power?

I was privileged to hear David Bayer, author of Mind Hack and creator of The Powerful Living Experience, speak at a conference I was attending.

He asserts that we begin to understand our true potential when we recognize that, at their core, our beliefs are simply decisions.

Whenever we want to change our mindset or belief about something, particularly ourselves, it’s not complicated. It just means we must make a different decision.

Think about that for a moment. It’s an incredibly powerful concept.

As I thought about new decisions that I wanted to make about myself and my life, a word came to mind that has always fascinated me because of its origin: Abracadabra. A magician’s word. A word used to conjure up an experience of delight and wonder. Isn’t that what we all want from our lives?

Where does the word originate? An ancient language and phrase, avra kehdabra, meaning “I will create as I speak.”

Just imagine! We can speak new decisions (beliefs) into existence. Those decisions, in turn, create a new perspective and reality. It is what makes our words so powerful.

What will we create as we speak?

What magic, delight, and wonder will we bring to life for ourselves and our world?

What is our personal abracadabra?

We must choose wisely! And then get ready for magic!

Begin with the end in mind. Decide today what you want tomorrow to be.  Then live that. Create that. Live well.

The post Which do you create? A probing question from Picasso appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

A key lesson I have learned is that the easiest way to change how we respond to things or people we encounter is to have a system in place to guide us.

Frustration grows when it just seems like someone or something pushes our buttons every time. That trigger will continue to plague us until we change it. While it’s great when we can do that just by choosing to make that change, the reality is that it’s rarely that simple.

My experience has been that it really comes down to sleuthing, solving the mystery, evaluating vs. judging. You see, that’s where I found the real issue. We can get so busy judging ourselves for our reactions that we don’t allow ourselves the opportunity to understand them. When we understand them, we are equipped to change them in a meaningful and sustainable way.

“What you give meaning to
is what causes your emotion.
Before you react, know why you are
giving something so much energy or fear.
When you begin to understand
why you give things meaning
you can begin to change how you react
and why you do what you do.” 
~Shannon L. Alder

There are five key investigation tools to use that will help you master the art of reaction every time. Using the word REACT, let’s break them down.

R – Recognition

This is the first step. Simply recognizing it’s happening and taking responsibility for it. Just by asking ourselves whether we are reacting, we start a valuable chain-reaction shift. We are taking responsibility for our side of the equation.

E – Emotion

Emotions are wonderful. They are such a part of what makes life such an exquisite experience. But they can also derail us when they are part of a triggered response. Once we can pinpoint the emotion involved, we can determine where the core response is and put in place productive measures to handle it. If the trigger brings up guilt as an example, that’s very different from fear in terms of next steps. But in both cases, it is the initial recognition of the emotion that will lead us to the next right questions.

A – Attitude

What did you expect? Where are your sensitivities? Many years ago, when I was really struggling to communicate with a fellow executive, I had a conversation with a trusted friend and mentor. He suggested that my sensitivities were high and that I was expecting a certain action, and so that is what I saw.  My attitude was a conditioning agent. I had to first be open to a positive exchange before one could happen.  Being candid with ourselves about our expectations and attitude toward a person or situation is a critical part of our excavation to our solution.

C – Context

This was perhaps the most important element for me in a number of situations. Has someone ever asked you what a word meant, and you weren’t certain, or there were several possibilities? What do you normally ask them to do? I suspect it might be to ask them to use it in a sentence to help you better understand what it might mean. The context of anything is the ultimate lens for deciphering its meaning. What else is going on? Is it related? Not related? Is it influencing?

T – Truth

What do you know to be true? This is an essential question because it allows us to get to the taproot of the situation quickly. When we take assumptions off the table, or at least recognize them for what they are, we’re clearing judgments and other potential mental or emotional clutter as we review our next steps.

R-E-A-C-T

RECOGNIZE what is happening;

Identify the dominant EMOTION;

Check your ATTITUDE coming into the situation;

Consider the CONTEXT of the situation; and,

Focus on what is TRUE.

That’s the process. That’s the system. Like anything regarding our personal framework, it’s also a skill. This can be your most effective system for productive personal change.

As a final note, remember that as we change ourselves, we also create the opportunity to change other people’s perspective of us. That’s especially true for those where we have influence, but it’s also not limited to those.

When we employ this skill, we can inspire others to do the same. It creates a CHAIN REACTION that’s positive and constructive.

What about you?
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what has value and re-imagine what’s next, just hit reply. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to respond to and how we respond becomes part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post What would you do? Setting the right response in motion appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Recently, I have found my focus shifting more strategically to what is next as I consider plans and priorities.

Perhaps you find yourself here as well.

A productive practice to consider is integrating what I call the other question into our thought processes. I’m always intrigued by inverse statements and questions. There is always another one there.

What we are considering is a fundamental practice for experiencing the full range of possibility thinking. We must be able to consider every side of our choices.

In my work as a strategist over the years, this has proven to be what makes the difference between goals and objectives that are reached with greater ease and those that create struggle or even get lost along the way.

There is always another question to consider. The other question is also what quite often delivers us the more significant return.

Questions that drive insight are the ones that move us forward.

Here are three to consider that will help you develop a possibilitarian point of view that leads to creative resilience:

#1 – What is the real change I want to achieve?

Know your true objective. Keep asking until you find it. There are several schools of thought on how many layers of questions to ask. For each answer, you ask why that is important. My experience has taught me that we get to the true answer somewhere between questions five and seven.

I want to achieve X.  Why? Because XX.

Why do you want XX? Because XXX.

Why do you want XXX? Because XXXX.

Why do you want XXXX?

Because V!

You cannot stay on track if you don’t know where you really want to go. We want to get to the core value being served by taking on the work. I recently went through this practice again to reflect on my values around health. It’s the most powerful exercise we can do to get to the truth about what we want to achieve. Note that this exercise sometimes helps us identify what we shouldn’t keep trying to accomplish because our underlying reason isn’t of real value. But in most cases, we get to our true motivation.

The more you practice this, the faster you will reach your core value. Resiliency is a natural result when we keep our core values at the forefront, because we do not look at a circumstance in isolation. We examine everything against what matters most in our lives and work.

#2 – What options am I avoiding?

This is crucial because, quite often, what we refuse to consider is our best choice. We all have non-negotiable positions. That’s not what this is about. It’s about what we might be afraid to try or think isn’t possible for us. It’s about removing limitations and not compromising boundaries. When we practice a resilient lifestyle, how we perceive things will change, and what we never considered before can move front and center.

It’s also about tackling resistance head-on.

What is important is that we exhaust every possibility without limiting ourselves to probabilities or what we think we want to do.

#3 – What am I missing?

Where are the blind spots? What aren’t we considering that needs to be addressed? What are the risks? If you know them, you can mitigate them from the start, or at a minimum, have a plan in place to address them should they arise.

If you do not know the risks, you have not fully defined what you want. If this is a challenging area for you, start with your assumptions. Your risks will be in your assumptions. What are you assuming to be true? What if it is not? What are you assuming is not true? What if it is?

One of the many gifts I received from my iPEC family, where I studied for my Executive Life Coach certification, was a very special stone. I’ve had it for many years, and it stays with me as a talisman when I’m thinking through something challenging.

The word problem has been engraved on one side, covering the entire surface. On the other side is the word solution. The solution resides within the problem itself. We must examine it from all sides to find it, but it is there. The other question is what will take us to the other side.

What about you? Are you also looking at something in your work or life and wondering if there is another question that you need to ask? Sometimes it’s hard to see what’s worth asking when you’re standing too close to it.
 
That’s where I can help.
 
If you’re facing a decision or transition and want a fresh perspective on how to interrogate what still has value and re-imagine what’s next, just hit reply. Let’s explore what’s possible together.
 
Because everything we choose to question becomes part of the foundation for what’s coming next.

The post Resilience: Asking the other question… appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Welcome back to our series on RESOLVE, where we are examining how we can best ensure we honor who we’re becoming and serve the purpose that’s calling to us now.

Every season of growth begins with two things: what we learn and what we value. Learning shapes how we rise. Values shape where we’re headed.
 
When these two forces meet, our resolve doesn’t just strengthen, it takes root. It becomes something living, something steady, something we can grow from.
 
That’s why in this next segment in the RESOLVE series, we’re turning our attention to Learning and Values — the inner architecture of every promise we make and every commitment we keep.
 
If structure and ownership built the bridge from “I can” to “I will,” then learning and values are what make that bridge worth crossing.

LEARNING — The Engine that Powers Resolve

Learning has always been the driving force behind every chapter of my life.

It’s the reason resilience feels possible.
It’s why I don’t fear change.
It’s why I believe in next steps, even when I can’t see the entire path.
 
Years ago, I began teaching the concept of ROL — Return on Learning.

We often talk about ROI (Return on Investment) from a monetary standpoint, but learning pays dividends that actually shape our future.
 
Because when we learn:  

• We grow capacity
• We expand possibilities
• We refine judgment
• We build resilience
• We strengthen self-trust

Learning is the root system beneath resolve. It’s what lets us say:
 
“I trust myself to figure this out.”
 
Not because we’ve mastered everything, but because we’ve mastered the art of learning.
 
Resilience isn’t about standing firm. It’s about knowing you can adjust.
 
When resolve falters, learning restores it.
When resolve hesitates, learning strengthens it.
When resolve is challenged, learning becomes its lifeline.
 
This is why I anchor so much of my personal philosophy in three verbs:
 
Learn.
Live.
Lead.
 
You cannot live differently until you learn differently.
You cannot lead differently until you live differently.

Learning is the first hinge, the point where insight becomes action.
It’s also the invitation.
 
It’s what strengthens us, steadies us, and prepares us. We don’t rely on resolve because we already know everything. We rely on resolve because we trust our ability to learn whatever is needed for what comes next.

VALUES — The Truth That Steadies Resolve

If learning is what adapts our resolve, values are what anchor it.

This is where so many value frameworks fall short: their neat boxes, their lists, the words we’re asked to circle, as if identity is a vocabulary exercise.

Values aren’t boxes.
Values aren’t lists.
Values aren’t slogans.
Values are lived truths.

They are the non-negotiable boundaries that shape the way we move through the world.

I wrote a series of articles on Substack that broke down the word FACTOR as it related to POSSIBILITY. The second article dealt with our FOUNDATION, which is where we find our values. You can access the full article via the link to learn more about not only values but also other aspects of our FOUNDATION. 

The key thing to remember about values is that they are the architecture of identity.

When aligned with our values, resolve becomes powerful, joyful, and sustainable. When misaligned, resolve becomes resistance, heavy, forced, obligated.

Values guide:

• What we pursue
• What we release
• Where we invest our energy
• How we define success

They tell us what matters most and what doesn’t matter at all.

They bring resolve back home to meaning and to the reasons that make the work worthwhile.

They ask: 

• “Is this who you really are and want to be?”
• “Is this aligned with what you believe?”
• “Is this worthy of your effort?”

They bring resolve back home to meaning.

Reflections

Reflections on Learning

• What have I learned that strengthened my resolve?
• Where has learning revealed a better path?
• What do I need to learn now to move from “I can” to “I will”?

Reflections on Values

• Which value has shaped my choices most?
• Where is my resolve misaligned with what I truly value?
• What matters so deeply to me that it deserves my follow-through?

The Bridge Continues

Every new chapter asks something different of us, but learning and values make sure we never show up empty-handed.

Learning keeps resolve flexible.
Values keep resolve true.

Together, they ensure that the promises we make are promises worth keeping — and that our resolve evolves with us, rather than against us.
 
Because resolve is not about rigidity, it’s about a relationship.
A living agreement between who we are…and who we are becoming.
 
In our next segment, we’ll move into the final piece of the RESOLVE framework: Embodiment.
 
We will be talking about what happens when resolve becomes not just something we choose but something we live, and how it becomes an incredible framework for following Emily Dickinson’s example of dwelling in possibility.

An Invitation

If you’re navigating your own moment of recalibration as you are exploring who you’re becoming next, this is the work I help founders, solopreneurs, and possibility-seekers do every day.

Let’s explore what you’re building now to take you into your next.

The post Learning & Values: What Holds Us Steady When Life Shifts appeared first on Kathi Laughman.

Have you ever noticed that accomplished people seem to have an uncanny ability to adapt and adjust in just the right places at just the right time? They seem to fluidly keep on keeping on without losing a step.

Since I quite often have to actively convince myself to keep going on some of my goals, the apparent ease of others intrigued me. The reality is that no matter how easy it may look for others, it is, in fact, a universal challenge. The key is in how we face those times when we simply want to quit.

What I’ve discovered is that there are two important and vastly different lenses when looking at these situations.

The first lens is that sometimes it’s okay to give ourselves permission to quit. Surprised? It really is okay sometimes to acknowledge we need to make another choice. It isn’t a choice if we can’t change our minds. And sometimes changing our mind is more than just our prerogative, it is imperative. Personal development expert Brian Tracy defines this as zero-based thinking. We ask ourselves: “Knowing what I know now, would I still…?” Then take the appropriate action if the answer is no. We have to allow for change.

The second lens is about finding our own motivation to keep going and not requiring ourselves to take on an approach that doesn’t work for us. Motivation and methods that work are unique for each of us, and they also change for us as we move through our lives. And even when you have that perfect motivation, it doesn’t mean that “keeping on” is always easy. Sometimes it is just hard. But we can do it!

Here are five things to consider when you need to regain your confidence and perseverance power to stay engaged and reach your next goal or level of life mastery:

#1: Keep your eye on the finish line

What is waiting for you at the end? What is that promise? When we stay focused on the end goal, it has a magnetic quality that will help pull us through tough times and circumstances. Remember, though, that it isn’t just about the goal — it’s what reaching that goal makes possible. Capture the feeling and lock onto that.

#2: Fuel (feed) your fire

Mother Teresa taught: “To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”

How are you keeping your commitment vital and alive? What are you feeding to your internal energy furnace? Are you connected with others who have already reached the place you are striving to get to? Are you surrounding yourself with support and positive connections?

#3: Focus on consistent steps — not leaps & bounds

What we do consistently has a much higher impact on our results than what we do occasionally. The stream must be constantly moving to wear down the rock. When you are consistently working on something, you will attract even more opportunities. Use progressive milestones to help with this. No one goes from the white belt level to black without attaining each color in between. And each level achieved is a celebration.

#4: Make everything serve the goal

This is not just fortune cookie wisdom. Determined focus is what delivers destiny. That means you must bind together all your resources and deploy them as a single force of power. This is the secret revealed by Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich. Get everything working in harmony with the same result, and you will get there.

#5: Don’t be afraid of setbacks

What scares you? For most of us, it is failure. To move past the fear, we just need to redefine failure. Failure is rarely a valid judgment. Your plan is going to change. That is not failure. That is intelligence at work. Define attempt as research. It is welcome progress. Embrace that thinking and you will re-channel the fear and stay on track.

Be strategic about choosing and staying your course. And always, live today like you want tomorrow to be. Choices get really clear when we start there.

(Originally posted on my blog – it was a subject that came up several times this week with my community so I’m sharing it again.)

The post For those times when you just want to quit! appeared first on Kathi Laughman.